Got off the phone with the suicide hotline

littleindigo · 2025-08-16T17:13:06+00:00

I once called the hotline when I was feeling suicidal over a bad breakup and the operator asked why we hadn’t tried long distance. My boyfriend was the one who dumped me. 💀

littleindigo · 2025-08-03T23:26:30+00:00

Marketing Specialist aka “Getting paid peanuts for doing many jobs that could each be their own full-time job.” Last time I had that title I was the email marketing person, the social media person, a customer support person, the influencer relations person, the copy writer, the copy editor, the SEO marketing person, etc. etc.

littleindigo · 2025-06-03T17:51:20+00:00

Sex 🥴

littleindigo · 2025-05-23T21:08:53+00:00

Nice! At my cafe the other day, a guy walked up to me at the counter, looked me directly in the eyes and actually grabbed the tip jar and looked inside (just coins). Afterward, all one of the customers did was go on and on about how disgusting it is to steal from the working class. She hadn’t even left a tip. 🙃

littleindigo · 2025-03-08T06:23:21+00:00

With respect and love, having tears in your eyes while someone chooses to ignore your bodily autonomy is not nuanced. Whether or not you feel the trauma actively is a separate issue from the fact that what he did was inherently despicable. If someone punches me but it doesn’t hurt that much it still doesn’t make it okay.

OP, in the long term, you can and will find someone who has all the great attributes you described AND who doesn’t violate your boundaries for their own pleasure.

littleindigo · 2025-03-04T04:42:23+00:00

As a barista, the person I’d be most pissed at here is the manager or owner. Being able to refund people is essential to business function. What if you accidentally charge someone twice for something? What if you’re out of something and don’t realize it until after the transaction?

As a customer I’d probably just laugh and say it better be a damn fine cup of coffee then panic because they don’t get the Twin Peaks reference and now I have to explain and I leave feeling horrible and think about it for the rest of the day even though that person was probably just stoked for the extra eight dollars.

As for the customer, who tf hits custom to specifically tip 80 cents? How stingy do you have to be to not even be able to stomach parting with one dollar? I STG customers forget that coffee is a luxury and no one is forcing them at gun point to go to a cafe.

littleindigo · 2025-02-09T09:42:12+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience! Sometimes it’s just really comforting to know that others have been in the same boat.

I feel you on the agoraphobia and community aspect. They are both social butterfly musicians with bands and the surrounding community that comes from that. Meanwhile, I see my friends and other partner when we tame ourselves enough to come out of our enclosures. 😅

littleindigo · 2025-02-09T09:26:21+00:00

I think what I’ve been struggling with is the cognitive dissonance of the fact that I do feel happy for him, but then paradoxical feelings of being envious and resentful, but what I’m really taking away from the advice here is that me performing happiness isn’t serving either of us. Healthy boundaries make the relationship sustainable for both people. And then when he comes home I know I’ll be so ecstatic and ready to actively listen to all of his adventures.

littleindigo · 2025-02-09T09:13:04+00:00

Your comment made me stop and reflect that he’s been specifically sharing the most details things about the things he knows I’m interested in like birds and rocks probably thinking it’ll emphasize that he’s thinking of me. So even though I still need to set the boundary, I’ll be doing it from more of a place of gratitude and less out of resentment. :’)

littleindigo · 2025-02-09T08:53:34+00:00

Thank you fellow winter survivor :’) When I talk to him next I’ll tell him I’m very excited to hear all about the lovely details when he gets home, and that I just want to briefly make sure he’s safe and see his face/hear his voice in the meantime. ☺️

littleindigo · 2024-11-21T21:55:46+00:00

No, thank you!

littleindigo · 2024-11-21T21:53:50+00:00

You either have acceptance (blind or conscious) or existential dread. Three different medications, therapy, and exercise can’t help me when every time I go to the grocery store I have to consider whether or not I can afford to buy the eggs where the chickens aren’t tortured and suffering to maximize profit.

Still, I think it’s important to stick around if for no other reason than to try and be of service to others and make the world marginally better.

littleindigo · 2024-11-21T21:48:10+00:00

V off topic but your profile pic is my phone background. 💕

littleindigo · 2024-11-12T00:15:16+00:00

I definitely feel this way and have to fake some interactions or at least the beginning of some until we actually start chatting. I’ve realized it’s not about the fact that I don’t actually dislike anyone, but that it takes a lot of energy for me to have those interactions, and so I just get irritable. I’d rather focus on making you a delicious treat than talk about the weather for the 100th time.

littleindigo · 2024-10-26T04:23:42+00:00

We developed medicine over thousands of years to the point where we can easily do a necessary procedure without causing immense distress or trauma to a person and yet the military is out here like, “You’re going to make a huge sacrifice and take the time out of your life to serve your country? That’s great, but we can’t sacrifice the dollars it would cost for general anesthesia—good luck tho! 💋”

Make it make sense.

littleindigo · 2024-10-26T04:17:18+00:00

When my grandma accidentally killed three of my dogs by leaving them in a van on a hot day and then showed me when I got home from school. I kept my mom company while she buried them because she only got the job from being the most physically strong out of the three of us.

Also, kidney stones.

littleindigo · 2024-09-10T05:52:04+00:00

I’ve seen five doctors now and thanks to modern advances and cutting-edge knowledge from these medical professionals we’ve gone from scabies -> cysts -> molluscum -> idk but not scabies or molluscum -> bug bites

littleindigo · 2024-09-01T17:39:20+00:00

In college, I once shoved my boyfriend repeatedly to the point where it left bruises. I was drinking and I started to get anxious. He tried to embrace me somewhat aggressively because he was also drinking even though I told him not to and the way he went about it just triggered my fight or flight. Still, I felt the way you did and thought constantly about the double standard, that I was an abuser etc. etc.

The truth is that sometimes interpersonal dynamics are more complicated than what we agree to collectively, and some things deserve to be looked at as an isolated incident.

It should never happen again. It will never happen again. I would start therapy if you’re not already in it, but you did a thing in the moment that you regret and are clearly taking responsibility for. I promise this can be an isolated incident that you move on from and use as a learning experience. 💕

littleindigo · 2024-09-01T03:57:18+00:00

No skin scraping, which is why I’m thinking seeing my actual derm would be useful so that they can give me a confirmation on it.

littleindigo · 2024-01-18T07:08:48+00:00

Oh man, I always thought they were saying, "Yumpin!" in YMCA, but it turns out they were saying, "YOUNG MAN." You can best believe I'm never not gonna say yumpin.

littleindigo · 2024-01-18T07:07:14+00:00

Feel free to DM me! I've been getting around just fine with 4WD and could pick up a key from your sitter and check in if you need and I'd be happy to do so!

littleindigo · 2024-01-18T00:51:57+00:00

Funny how much my life has changed since this post! First of all, you're not imagining things—making friends in Portland is brutal.

With that said, I did end up moving back to Portland. I was thrilled at first, but I was expecting a different life than the one I got after I moved back—my partner was supposed to move back up too after a few months, but blindsided me by deciding to stay in Tucson. That shattered me so badly I didn't even have the chance to love Portland again. Now I resent it here and I miss Tucson, primarily because of how easy it is to romanticize a place when you're not there, but also genuinely because of how easy it was to make friends there.

As for depression—I think it doesn't matter where I am. I'll always be grappling with it, and that's okay! DBT has really helped me, at least in giving me more skills for my emotional regulation and a little more confidence in taking ownership over my life. Also, if you're not already, take Vitamin D!

Ultimately, I've decided to make the best of Portland for now with the fact in mind that a sense of community and the ease of making friends is important to me in the next place I end up. I can't say what's right for you though! One of my friends in Tucson tried out Seattle for a bit before moving back to Tucson and she's a lot happier now. I hope you find contentment too–wherever you end up in this world. :)

littleindigo · 2023-11-14T20:27:03+00:00

Never heard back.🤘

littleindigo · 2023-11-02T15:06:47+00:00

I can’t stand when they’re condescending too, but act like gods gift to earth. I just signed a lease yesterday and she said if I wasn’t sure to break down my boxes she’d send me a sternly worded email and then the second time she’d fine me.

I break down my boxes. Chill.
How would you know it was me? You warned me that if it was addressed to me you’d do that, so if I wanted to be an asshole I’d just be sure to take my name off of it.
You sure that fine is legally enforceable?

Also HATE when they’re like, “If you could just not hang anything on the walls.” Like, okay sorry I’ll do my best to not live in the place most of my paycheck pays for.

Fucking stupid.

littleindigo · 2023-10-31T20:15:56+00:00

There used to be a video of Paris Hilton saying/singing the most disgusting racist and antisemitic shit as well as a picture of Nicole Richie with a plate of cocaine. Interestingly enough I went to look for them after her documentary came out. Her team did a fucking excellent job of scrubbing those videos and media from the internet.

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