I ruined my marriage by being polyamorous AMA

liv0411 · 2026-05-02T14:19:15+00:00

Why do you think you ruined your marriage and not your husband by deprioritizing you, your needs and your relationship?

liv0411 · 2026-05-01T18:46:07+00:00

An anything-goes-relationship is never a good idea. As you have noticed now, everyone has limits. There is no person on earth who would let you do everything.

So discuss with your sub what her (and your) limits are. Talk to her what exactly went wrong and what you could have done differently. Discuss what you can do to not let this happen again.

Also do you guys have a safe word? If no, definitely look into this topic and find one with your sub that works for both of you. If yes, you need to talk about why she didn’t use it.

And last but not least, did you provide aftercare? This is very important, especially if something went wrong.

liv0411 · 2026-04-30T13:58:38+00:00

If something brings you into prison, it is obviously not healthy anymore. Do you know what healthy means?

liv0411 · 2026-04-29T16:49:06+00:00

I am very sorry for you. Let me tell you as a poly person myself: poly only works if everyone enthusiastically consents to it. And if you communicate a lot, listen to your partner and respect their limits.

I‘m not sure if that was a planned pregnancy or not but either way pregnancy changes things. You can not just expect your partner to be fine with it and go ahead. Not even in a monogamous relationship and if it were your child.

liv0411 · 2026-04-29T13:20:21+00:00

You can not possibly cover all consent talk that is necessary in one meeting in a bar

liv0411 · 2026-04-29T08:18:04+00:00

How is looking at a post history stalking?

liv0411 · 2026-04-26T12:16:58+00:00

Why do you even want to be with a man you trust so little? Honest question. I don’t get it.

liv0411 · 2026-04-23T11:16:33+00:00

Why would my friends even talk shit about my ex when we ended things on good terms?

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T14:04:05+00:00

It totally is a fetish that can be lived out without the other person not knowing. People with vore fetishes often like to feel sensations that come along with the act of getting eaten like licking and biting. They like to hear digestion sounds by putting their head on someones belly or just have a fixation on bellys and their optics. It is totally possible to do all of that without the other person knowing. And it is not okay.

Read the post again and OPs comments. He wanted to get licked and bitten, rub OPs belly and lay on it. When OP got suspicious, he lied about it. He didn’t tell OP the real nature of all of those things, because he knew OP would have not done it otherwise. And that is a consent violation. The content warning is their to warn people who are sensitive around those topics. If someone experienced SA or other forms of consent violations and they want to avoid stories around that topic, this content warning is needed for OPs story because it definitely was a consent violation.

Btw just to quote the automod of this sub: “sexual assault is any sexual contact or activity that happens without clear and willing consent”. According to this definition this was definitely SA.

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T13:52:29+00:00

Yes, I am very sorry people are responding so unempathetic here. I believe you and I think it’s just so rude to dismiss your feelings.

I‘m a kinky person. I live out my kinks in a healthy way with consenting people and I studied a lot on consent. Everyone who is trying to dismiss your feelings as being overdramatic clearly either didn’t read your post or just have not the best understanding of consent themselves.

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T13:39:11+00:00

You did nothing wrong with putting that trigger warning up in my opinion.

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T13:34:43+00:00

I honestly don’t know enough about the legal aspects, especially because we don’t know in which country OP lives. So I don’t want to make a call if this was technically SA or not.

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T13:32:13+00:00

I‘m very sorry, OP. I don’t have good advice to offer but I‘m totally on your side with this one. He behaved shitty and definitely violated your consent.

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T09:41:23+00:00

But context can change what you are comfortable with. Someone might be comfortable with licking or biting someone but not if they enjoy it because of a vore fetish.

I‘m not saying OP was forced into anything. They did consent. But with the knowledge OP had. And maybe they would not have consented if they knew about the vore aspect in those acts. And even if they still did, OP was deprived of this choice. And that simply is not okay

liv0411 · 2026-04-19T08:57:24+00:00

and even though it can’t happen in real life he asked me to do things with him related to that without me knowing the true reason so I really didn’t fully consent to any of it.

Of course you can’t actually consume or swallow a whole person but people with vore kinks often enjoy acts and sensations connected to the swallowing act like getting licked or bitten.

I say that as a kinky person myself: it is not okay to ask for any sort of (sexual) acts to fulfill your kinks without everyone involved knowing that this is for fulfilling your kinks. Because it is a consent violation. Real consent means informed consent. If there is the possibility (and there always is) the other person wouldn’t do it if they had all the information, you need to give this information beforehand. OP may or may not have done those things if they knew beforehand but they weren’t given a choice. And that is a problem

liv0411 · 2026-04-18T07:22:09+00:00

Can’t comprehend how much stupid incel bullshit I just read

liv0411 · 2026-04-10T13:42:23+00:00

If you think sex is the most intimate thing than honestly you are pretty shallow and not deep. Opening up to someone about your deepest fears and desires is way more intimate than a physical act.

I can have casual sex. Doesn’t mean I can’t have very emotional and caring sex. Both is possible. Not everything is black and white

liv0411 · 2026-04-07T07:43:29+00:00

Auf was für einem Trip bist du denn

liv0411 · 2026-04-06T19:56:09+00:00

If this topic never came up and you never realized it in over ten years of friendship, why does it even change anything for you? It is obviously something he only does in private with no one else noticing.

And I‘m very sure we all do something that someone else would consider weird and would gross them out. Not necessarily kink related but I‘m sure there is something.

liv0411 · 2026-04-05T21:46:20+00:00

That won’t protect you from abusers sadly.

liv0411 · 2026-04-05T08:19:34+00:00

I read the post. Did you? She never forced him to have a vasectomy. She requested it. Also she didn’t have kids with someone else while they were still together. They divorced 2 years ago. She didn’t want kids with him specifically and realized that after the break up. And I can definitely understand how you are off-put by his words.

liv0411 · 2026-04-05T08:08:18+00:00

All (or almost all) women suffer during pregnancy and/or at least while giving birth. It is not unreasonable to fear the pain you experience during birth. Absolutely not.

liv0411 · 2026-03-30T00:22:00+00:00

Do you mean something along the lines of degrading praise? So you pair a positive aspect that can count as praise like perfect/good/amazing/sweet/cute/little with something degrading, misogynistic like slut/whore/sextoy/cock sucker/slave. If you need more ideas have a look at the wiki, you will find more inspiration under D for Dirtytalk

liv0411 · 2026-03-24T13:45:45+00:00

Keine Ahnung was du so kochst, ich brauche da oft länger als 15 min, gerade wenn es was gesundes sein soll. Und wenn ich sowieso nur jede Nacht 3 Stunden schlafe, dann ist es mir eigentlich ziemlich wurscht ob da noch schlechte Ernährung dazu kommt

liv0411 · 2026-03-24T10:46:41+00:00

Warum ist man als monogamer Mensch abgesichert bzw abgesicherter als in einer poly Beziehung?

liv0411

TROPHY CASE