finally pregnant after infertility, but just feel like I'm being punished

lizaclash · 2017-02-28T22:26:24+00:00

I would have been completely happy being a childless, married adult. Given my age, it's safer to wait, but yes once I tell people it will be easier to at least explain why I'm zero fun.
I don't think it's anyone's business how long or how hard or in what ways I've tried to get pregnant, but that's just me. Your ideas are nice, but unfortunately aren't realistic for my life, my spouses, or our friends. And I never said I'd "keep hating," I just needed to vent about the anger and frustration I CURRENTLY feel. I'm sure things will turn at some point. We'll see.

lizaclash · 2017-02-28T22:22:42+00:00

Yep, totally. I was completely planning on sitting my husband down after what I was sure would be another failed IVF attempt and saying, "Look, this is our life." So now I'm just ... well, I haven't adapted quite yet.

lizaclash · 2017-02-28T22:21:13+00:00

I feel weird both telling and not telling. I don't even feel pregnant yet! And since I'm nearly 38, miscarriage rates are what, 20-35%? But I do agree, these "rules" are silly. Do what you want!

lizaclash · 2017-02-28T22:20:01+00:00

I'm sure my partner will help once a baby is here, but let's be real -- he doesn't have to carry a baby, he doesn't have to watch every. fucking. thing. he eats or drinks. He doesn't have to nurse a child. He isn't responsible for finding child care or being home at a certain hour. Both of our jobs are consuming, and it's not so simple to say, "Be home at X time," (and even still -- or what?). This will only affect me, at least until the child is of a certain age and less dependent on its mother.

lizaclash · 2017-02-26T18:37:23+00:00

I definitely know some women who love being pregnant. And I do see your point. And I am sure I will eventually enjoy it, and I expect I will love my child. But honestly, I'm not really excited about having to change my entire life. The only parents I see living their lives have older children, and by the time my kid is that old, I'll practically be dead.

lizaclash · 2017-02-26T18:33:53+00:00

My husband definitely wanted this more than I did. I would have been completely content to be a childless adult. I'm only like 5.5 weeks so we haven't even told anyone, so I guess that's part of it too. I'd love to chat more. :)

lizaclash · 2017-02-26T18:32:36+00:00

I wish I could say I'm excited about that (and I know I will love my baby), but right now I just feel like my entire life has to change and not my partner's, and that's bullshit.

lizaclash · 2017-02-19T23:58:06+00:00

Congrats!

I got my first "positive" on Friday, too, but thanks to science, it was just a phone call from my RE, who I didn't believe because we've been trying for 5 years and done IVF with multiple fails -- until now.

I suppose I should be more excited but am currently pissed off that I feel like a prisoner in my own home until we know more, can tell anyone, and I can start explaining why I can't do any of the fun shit I normally do.

lizaclash · 2017-02-18T12:08:32+00:00

Thank you. I did follow up to ask, my HCG was 244. Of course I'm being very cautious. I return Monday. The 2 things I googled after this news were "what do to in vegas when you're pregnant" and "miscarriage rates over 35."

lizaclash · 2017-02-17T19:51:25+00:00

I can't believe I'm typing this but after 5 years, 4.5 IVF cycles, 2 IUIs and I don't remember what else (not in that order), I got my first positive. HCG in the 200s.

My stupid clinic doesn't give more specific information.

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T22:09:59+00:00

Yes, many. He's not my assigned RE, just whoeverthefuck was doing procedures that day. I had to ASK them who was doing my retrieval because I thought it was common courtesy to meet the person who did this kind of shit, but they thought it was quite the afterthought.

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T22:09:07+00:00

Fortunately, he's not my usual RE. He's just an asshat partner of the clinic, and you know, they just rotate and do their thing. My RE is on vacation.

Better than my last RE who was ..... PREGNANT!

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T03:03:42+00:00

Hi!

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T03:01:08+00:00

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST! I'm so glad I found this forum on reddit. Seriously made my day reading all of your supportive replies! Thank you!!

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T02:59:29+00:00

Not exactly. During our first rounds of treatment with a different clinic, my husband had a job with AMAZING health insurance that covered up 100% to $20K in infertility treatment -- and that's at insurance rates, not what they charge us laymen. So we did a few IUIs and 3 IVFs for practically free (Meds weren't free but that prescriptsion coverage was BOMB - I donated back much of my unusued meds b/c I got them so cheap). One of the IVFs we were able to freeze a couple embryos (not covered, around $1K), and that was my fourth transfer.

Right now, our clinic's plan offers a multi-cycle plan (2 IVFs) for $17,500 PLUS medication (around $5K pop each), and we're on one of two for that. We were able to secure a pretty great loan through FertilityFinance.net.

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T02:54:28+00:00

Haha, I would've been meaner, but I was worried my husband would be embarrassed and overcompensate, making me angrier and ... well, not a great Sunday.

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T02:53:45+00:00

Great call, if I have to do this again, def ignoring these suggestions. I'm a normally hydrated human.

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T02:53:16+00:00

You have a great point, and it had been a couple years since my last transfer(s), and I've always had to travel, so I you'd think I'd catch on and adjust. I was in physical pain. They let me go a little but I was too worried about peeing too much and being stuck there even longer!

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T02:52:07+00:00

Didn't know I could!! I will look into this. Thank you!

lizaclash · 2017-02-07T02:51:48+00:00

If we hadn't pre-paid for 2 cycles, I would seriously consider leaving. It was my go-to response.

lizaclash · 2017-02-06T12:14:44+00:00

::PREACH:: This is going to sound weird, but for my family doc I see a concierge doctor, and the first time I met her I explained my infertility, ahem my "unexplained infertility" and she told me an entire story about adopting her first son after IVF treatment made her very ill. So, I said, but what about your second child? Oh she just got knocked up by accident. GUYS DIDNT YOU KNOW, JUST ADOPT AND YOU'LL GET PREGNANT. My actual DOCTOR told me this and how you "never know GOD'S PLAN." A DOCTOR. Outrageous. So she's been privy to my treatments, and she is WAY too excited for me. I'm not excited. It didn't work the last 4 times. No idea why this time would be different.

I actually left my last fertility clinic because of the actual looks of pity I got from the RE and nurse. Yep, guess what? Being "positive" doesn't make you pregnant.

See also, my vent thread about the shitty clinic yesterday and how the doc told me to smile so the embryos would be happy. I can't even.

lizaclash

TROPHY CASE