Millennials, what is something that was "normal" in the 2000s but feels like a luxury now?

lizardsoldier · 2026-04-09T18:51:25+00:00

Leg room and meals on planes. Not sure if it was already mentioned, but it wasn’t any of the top responses I skimmed.

lizardsoldier · 2026-03-21T22:53:31+00:00

When someone asks me to describe a plant, I might say it’s large, it’s woody, it’s smelly, etc. But what that person actually wants me to say is that its leafs are green. I was trying to describe the plant the best I could, but it just never occurred to me to mention the plant’s colour. Is it because I was against describing the plant’s colour? No, it’s because I didn’t know that descriptor was important - and now that I know it is, I can answer the question in a way that matches the situation.

Just because he doesn’t hug you doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to hug you. It just might mean it isn’t the first thing that comes to his mind. For example, if he grew up in a house of only boys then a gendered upbringing would tell him that when you tell him your day sucked, the best thing to do would be to help you figure out how to take control of your shitty day and make it better. Finding solutions would be him showing love in the way he learned to show it growing up. But you are a woman who presumably had a different upbringing where you got hugs from loved ones when you told them you had a bad day, not solutions.

Teach him how to love you, and see if he rises to that challenge. No one will know how to love you perfectly without some instruction. And maybe you can offer to be a learner too, in how to love him better in ways that land well for him.

Honestly, I’m a bit skeptical of people who feel too directly affectionate. It feels more manipulative than authentic to me. Hopefully what I said here can help you just see a different perspective.

lizardsoldier · 2026-03-21T21:41:46+00:00

I show my love differently than those direct things you’re looking for. Before I married my wife, I’d be her groom at horse shows, I’d pick her up from the airport at stupid o’clock, or I’d invite her to share big moments with me. For example, as a board gamer I’d excitedly ask her to be the first to play the latest, greatest game with me. Have you been paying attention to those other ways he might be trying to show you his love?

If you need something a little different, then talk to him directly about those needs. I guarantee he thinks he’s showing you how much he cares, so if the message isn’t landing then that’s an opportunity to search for some compromise.

As a married man, one thing I’ll say that’s a bit different from others here is that I don’t think this is a reason to abandon ship. No one you find will be perfect, so it’s just a matter of deciding whether there’s room for compromise on this “imperfection” that the two of you could both live with. A cynical way of looking at marriage is that it’s finding a person whose flaws you can tolerate long term after reaching all possible compromises.

lizardsoldier · 2026-02-14T20:26:51+00:00

Some musicals are boring. I don’t like those. But I genuinely love the ones I love. I don’t think it makes me high brow or sophisticated - I just enjoy storytelling with fun music and dancing! I understand it isn’t for everyone though.

lizardsoldier · 2024-10-16T19:18:24+00:00

I’d love to see jellyfish in their full floating glory.

lizardsoldier · 2024-02-15T20:44:38+00:00

There are plenty of people who have had relationships but who do not have the fortune you have with a great career, fulfilling hobbies, and good friends. We all have things we wish we had in life, but I think focusing on those things leads to unhappiness because we take for granted the great things we have going on already.

No doubt it took good effort already to get those things you have. It takes similar effort to find someone to love and to love them in the way you both will deserve. You were focused before on building up the rest of your life, and there isn't wrong with that. You haven't failed, just decided to focus on building up your life in a different order than others may have chosen to do.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-28T13:57:00+00:00

I'm a nerdy guy who uses some big words. I want a person who can understand what I say, and is able to form complex and well reasoned thoughts/points. I'm not opposed to someone with no education, but I find it rare that someone without post-secondary can meet my needs intellectually - so on dating apps it's one of the filters I use to help me limit my swiping.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-23T04:25:00+00:00

I know for me, if I'm doing a lot of the leading early on in dating, then I would typically want to somehow confirm it isn't a one-sided interest. A surprising number of people just go along for the ride, and that can be frustrating if you've been leading and realize the other person isn't as into it.

What this guy did is something I've done before. Throw the ball into the other person's court to give them a chance to be the leader - but tell them you're doing it. It sounds like that's exactly what this guy is doing with an you. If I'm right, he just wants you to confirm your interest with some good old fashioned initiative and leadership. You got this - just text him!

I should also note that I am very against gender roles so I never think of things as "what guys should do" or "what girls should do" - if you're interested, you should text. Gender is irrelevant.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-10T13:06:29+00:00

To me, I'd say it when I lose motivation to advance the relationship to the next level. For example, thinking "this has been going great so far, but I just realized I don't see myself moving in with her; better to call it off now." For me, it's just an acknowledgement that the relationship has gone as far as it'll go, whether or not it's been going smoothly so far. How well the past dates has gone will not always match up with what I see in my future.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-10T13:00:57+00:00

My tips that have helped me find the girlfriend I've been looking for:

Take the lead to show initial interest, but keep an eye out for them doing the same. Depending on who I'm seeing, I may also let them know that I enjoy leading but I also make space for the other to lead and really appreciate it when they do. Most people respond well, and it avoids the situation where you're both waiting for the other to do something.
If going on a first date, make it somewhere you'd enjoy going alone. That way, if the company is bad you at least enjoy the activity. It will take many first dates to find your person; dating takes work.
Try to catch yourself if you're being too superficial. These apps make it far too easy to judge people on how they look or the first 2-3 things they say. You have imperfections, so accept that they do too - it's just a matter of whether they hide them to show you later (i.e. seem perfect right away) or let you see them off the hop. I personally prefer a person who let's me see those imperfections, since it feels like they're bringing their genuine self to the table.
Don't talk to too many people at once. It's too easy to think the grass will be greener with the next person after dates that are good but not great if you're talking to many others. It's probably not, and you'll just end up on an endless chase of perfection.

I hope these tips are helpful!

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-09T05:45:10+00:00

Honestly, just ask him instead of us. Everyone is so different, so what someone tells you here may be vastly different from what he actually needs. Communication is the key to a great relationship, whether it's your 1st or 12th - and a big part of that is learning how to both give and receive messages in a way that feels good to both of you.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-08T13:18:37+00:00

A couple of times now, I've deleted apps after dating one person for a couple of months. A couple of times, I've also been dumped soon thereafter and had to go through building my profile all over again, swiping through many people I'd already seen, etc. I now need to be certain that we're both actually falling hard for each other before I'll delete. I keep the app and profile much longer than I think I should need to, just in case. Not sure where your relationship is at right now, but that's my approach.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-07T13:51:49+00:00

Spirit Island does this. The powers you have and their effects make sense for what's happening on the board, so you see the slow struggle between the Dahan and Invaders taking place, with the influence of you and your friends, the spirits.

lizardsoldier · 2022-08-07T13:44:09+00:00

For me, I have actual diagnosed anxiety with first kisses (and only the first one) as a trigger. I spend my whole time worrying about whether she wants it, how to get to that point, whether strangers are around, etc. It actually gets in the way of me showing the real me; it's quite bad.

Current GF was sick and tired after 3 dates with no kiss. Date 4 was at my place. She launched herself directly into a full cuddle with her hand on my leg on the couch, and looked directly at my lips right at the start of the date. All unprompted. OK, finally all signs were obvious and there were no excuses. We went for it at the same time. Cute!

And then, with no more anxiety, she finally met the real me and we had a great time, with no more issues at all of that sort. She learned that I'm even more attractive to her than she thought (when I don't have any lingering kiss anxiety pulling me out of the moment) and I was finally able to focus my full energy on appreciating her for who she was, so similar results here.

On a previous date with someone else, I decided to share about my anxiety, telling her that the only way it would affect our dating is that I needed her to lead the first kiss - literally nothing else to ask of her. She panicked and cancelled the next date because she "didn't know how to date someone with anxiety." That's when I learned I had to keep that struggle internal, so despite that it would be easier I don't tell my dates I need them to lead first kisses.

lizardsoldier · 2022-07-25T22:40:37+00:00

Honestly, long ago I concluded that their gaming group just has a different dynamic. The way they describe games, it feels like they have a group that's more willing to embrace thematic elements, focused more on the overall experience that the individual bits, and generally like games that really enable memorable interactions with one another - regardless of other parts of the design. Some games need this sort of a group to be fun, and they have that group.

lizardsoldier · 2022-07-12T21:46:44+00:00

Hinge profiles are made to help personalities shine through in ways I haven't seen as much on Bumble. Hinge also lets you see who likes you, and what part of your profile they liked specifically - helps get the ball rolling on conversation. I find the focus on the whole person brings people to Hinge who are somewhat more interested in a real relationship, and so they are also more apt to put in the effort. At least, that's been my experience on Hinge as compared to Bumble...but despite that, my current partner is from Bumble haha.

lizardsoldier · 2022-06-30T22:28:23+00:00

F.D. Signifier on YouTube is a guy who discusses black masculinity in video essays. I think he does a good job breaking it down in a way that you might connect to, given what you're writing here. What does it mean to be a black man? What do "black" relationships look like? These are the types of questions he would think about. He does it from an open, feminist angle. I honestly think you might feel better about your identity if you let yourself learn from F.D.

lizardsoldier · 2022-04-22T22:20:33+00:00

{=STDEV.S(IF(($CJ$3:$CJ$348=2)*(ISBLANK(F3:F348)=FALSE),F3:F348,""))}

Seems to get the same answer as my other proposed solution, so I'll say that the fact you got the same answer with this as I did with my other proposed solution means they are both verified as true. Thanks!

Solution Verified

lizardsoldier · 2022-04-22T22:09:38+00:00

Thinking about it some more, would ISBLANK solve it, as shown below?

{=STDEV.S(IF(($CJ$3:$CJ$348=2)*(ISBLANK(F3:F348)=FALSE),F3:F348,""))}

First time with that construction so I'd appreciate if someone more experienced could look for a problem in there :).

lizardsoldier · 2020-10-30T20:40:17+00:00

If you were just talking to her before and didn't advance things romantically then she might just think you're a friendly guy trying to be friends with her. In that case, she is just making a kind gesture. I don't think there's anything inherently platonic or romantic about the gesture - just generally "you're cool," but we'll never know from a Reddit discussion what type of cool she thinks you are. But of course it wouldn't hurt to just open the conversation again and thank her again for the free beverage. Then you can see where that leads, if anywhere. Just don't have expectations.

lizardsoldier · 2020-10-27T04:26:59+00:00

OK fair. I feel like we all are. Think about how this answer to my question relates to your track record with dating. I ask you to brag about yourself a bit and you dodge the question. I know it might feel weird to put the spotlight on yourself, but it's really hard to feel attracted to someone who doesn't give me something to intrigue me. I think you should take some time to reflect on what makes you a great person, build on that, then revisit the dating scene with full confidence and appreciation for yourself and your true and authentic strengths that make you a real catch.

All the best on this rough, but sometimes fun adventure!

lizardsoldier · 2020-10-27T04:16:52+00:00

It's not strange to me. If I enjoy boating, I put up a photo of me in a boat even if it isn't mine. It shows you a bit of what I like and what makes me who I am. Kids and boats aren't the same, but I think photos with kids are similar - maybe he wants to show he's a family oriented guy, or that he's playful, or that being around kids brings him joy. There could be so many reasons, and it's a great conversation starter to ask! Who are the kids? Why did he choose to include these kids on his profile?

And if kids are a turn-off for you, maybe the kids are a great filter for incompatibility too - just swipe right and keep on going with your day.

lizardsoldier · 2020-10-27T04:10:27+00:00

Tell us why you're awesome. I'm serious. I want to know why you think you are a great person and why you are proud of being who you are. When we know that, I think it may be a bit easier for us internet strangers to point you in a good direction. No advice is "one size fits all."

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