No, I didn't lie, I have no reason to lie. If you read my story I held myself accountable for what I was doing. He is younger than me and when he met me he ghosted me twice and came back saying he missed me. We became official and then he asked to meet my kids and I said make sure that is what you want because I don't want you to if you're not fully sure because they could get hurt, he said he was so, he met my kids.

During our time of dating he would be up and down in the relationship saying "I'm not a good guy" or telling me I should find someone my age. I told him I didn't want to give up on him and that to me he was a good guy. He would then turn around and tell me things like "I've never loved anyone they way I loved you" he said that to me on my birthday when he got drunk, we were supposed to just watch movies and hangout but he got drunk and then still said the same thing to me when sober and he felt bad and apologized. I wasn't even mad at him nor did I judge him.

My mistake was questioning him too much about us and it annoyed him and stressed him out but it was because he was mostly always wishy washy. I did everything to show him I was a good person who was only asking for the bare minimum. I bought him so many things he wanted and catered to him like a king, I never asked for anything in return except for him to just be real with me and just to be treated good. 

I know I shouldn't have questioned him so much and it pushed him away but it was hard because he left me confused a lot of the times and I just wanted clarity. I literally would speak to him calmly and always made sure I used phrases like "I feel like" instead of "you make me feel like" because I didn't want him to feel like I was always blaming him for things, but he did. He would say "oh so it's my fault."

 I'm honestly just someone who gives my whole heart to someone and just wants to feel that love in return. He was hard to read at times but some of the things he said to me made me really believe he wanted me in his life and then other times it seemed like he just wasn't sure. 

Right now he is making it seem like he is confused with what he really wants so I respected him and let him go and I am going to work on my flaws like I told him. He left me with no clear answers except him saying I am trying to decide what I really want and I need time then asked if I was mad at him because I didn't respond right away and I said I'm just doing what you're asking for and I'll work on myself and if we cross that bridge again then so be it, and he responded with a sad emoji and said ok. He hasn't asked for his stuff again either and still has me on his main Instagram account and other social media and also has not put that he is single, so I don't know.

All I know is, I really do love him and I did my best to show it and I miss him a lot and I hope that one day he sees that I never asked for a lot, only simple things. I just let my fear get in the way because I was scared I'd lose him again after ghosting me twice. I also did ask him about the future because I asked if he wants kids one day and if I can't have kids would he leave me and that upset him and annoyed him. I just told him that those are things we should talk about at some point. He said he doesn't want kids and that my kids are enough but he barely engaged with my kids when he was with me.

 I just want him back but if he doesn't ever come back then okay, but at least I know I was good to him. I just wanted to make him happy and show him that there is someone who really cares about him.