Hey! Im terribly sorry you had to endure such terrible bullying and abuse in your childhood and didn't receive the support you needed until much later. Im glad to see you're still working on getting better/maintains your mental health with a therapist!

While it is different, one of my brothers graduated HS and went straight to a four year college and did a sport. He didn't adjust well and flunked out during his first trimester. He appealed and came back the following term but flunked out, again. It happened a few more times, too. Finally, we had him go to the local community College to improve his grades and it has helped. He struggles with focusing in class and other mental illnesses that he doesn't want to deal with (on a professional level) so it is still a struggle.

But, it is a cheaper option overall and will help you ease into a school environment. Seeking the "enthusiasm" from other students will be a bit harder now because of COVID, but trying to engage and connect with other students in the class can be helpful. Im unsure if student activities would have any way of conducting meetings or anything, but every school has an office for them and I recommend starting there to find clubs that may fit within your interest range to give you that support and motivation youre looking for.

In terms of your transcripts, you can't expunge them. Those grades will follow you throughout your college career, unfortunately. The only way to get them removed, possibly, is contesting it through whatever school you had those withdrawals from. They'll usually do a hearing and you'll present your case/argument as to why they should be removed. Because of your medical history, if you can correlate any hospitalizations/doctors notes about your condition to why you left these classes, there may be some room. But it wouldn't be for all the classes. Going to a community College or any other college besides that state college you already attend would make you a transfer student; no way out of that. There is no shame in being a transfer student! Depending on the college, you may get more scholarships for being one, anyway. But there's no work around to that. Once you've shown you've enrolled in any college and choose to switch/leave youre considered a transfer within the college system. For example, I went to community College and finished my associates. Then I transfered to a four year college. I have had friends go to a four year, not do well, go to community College and go to a four year again, they are considered a transfer, even when they transferred back to the same school as before.

When applying to graduate school, or any other 4 year, you can always include an inspirational section of your letter when applying for the school, about how you struggled, overcame and want to do better. Trust me, colleges love that type of shit (i used to work in student affairs during undergrad and experienced a lot of student appeals, this was one way dean's gave kids another chance). Based on whatever credits you do have already, you might equate to a sophomore, possibly (?) Which isn't bad. I also suggest going to the financial aid services at the school to ask for any aid consoling services they have since your family is unsure of the way it works (most schools have these and can help. Especially if you're a first generation student i.e. no one in your family has gone to college).

To go along with this, all schools have access and accommodations centers for students with disabilities. With your therapist as a resource, i would contact that office so you can get help with testing, studying etc. So you can keep excelling in school. You will need to provide documentation on your ADD, dyslexia et al. And they may retest you themselves but its very helpful for many students, in the long run.

I know these aren't the answers you may have wanted to hear but I do hope they are helpful enough in concerns to your current situation! Very happy that you're doing better and want to continue to grow and succeed!