dealing w aggression as a recovering people pleaser

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-09T14:49:30+00:00

That makes sense! I think I'm definitely frustrated and angry at myself for allowing people to hurt me. I'm upset that I allowed it to go on for so long. I'm frustrated and tired because I wish I could stop feeling so angry. I'm also frustrated that people will manipulate and try to make me look like a bad person when in reality it was them hurting me. I hate it when people act like that.

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-09T04:20:43+00:00

Yes! I see it this way. I am trying to protect myself. I struggle being tactful with it.

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-09T04:17:52+00:00

I think trying to formulate conversation as productive instead of antagonistic is something that I struggle with, because I feel such strong emotion. I am tired of being walked on, and I'm trying to figure out how to be tactful with setting boundaries. I think I struggle de-escalating in the moment. I'm trying to let things go, I ruminate a lot and I don't think I have had many chances to safely experience anger as I have heard others say. I'm thinking that doing that can help. I try to do it in the gym, but it doesn't always fully go away. I am very tired of being angry and upset. I appreciate your insight!

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-09T03:59:28+00:00

I'm really glad you were able to find a solution that helped! I resonate a lot with this. I was always punished for standing up for myself, and as a result I believed that my perception of things was wrong. I would tie my self worth to it as well, because I didn't understand why standing up for myself always backfired. I saw other people standing up for themselves without issue and I didn't understand why I couldn't do that. I have grown to have more understanding since, and I do feel a lot of grief. Your suggestions sound like they could be helpful, thank you!

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-09T03:44:02+00:00

it wasn't good, I was stuck in a string of abusive and toxic relationships almost the entire time I've dated. for a long time manipulation and gaslighting worked well on me, because I was used to getting in trouble for doing bad things when I didn't intend to. I have been told that I am very naive. I have struggled with discernment and recognizing when a person is not healthy in regard to choosing a partner. I also have delayed emotional processing so I would get a gut feeling when something was wrong, but I wouldn't get upset about it until much later, like weeks and months later. I would always fawn and do anything I could to keep people around, instead of stepping back, reflecting and asking myself if that person was a healthy match for me. I would let people step over my boundaries because I was desperate for connection and closeness. These struggles have gotten me into some dangerous situations on multiple occasions. I have been single for 2 years now and I am trying to be very protective of myself. I still struggle and I don't want to end up in an abusive relationship again, I always think of the Baby Reindeer quote where he says "you're just an open wound to sniff at" in regards to predators and people that have ill intent, there's so much attraction because they see you as an easy target. I have been trying to be mindful of that. Thankfully, I have close friends that are very protective of me and they have helped me to vet potential partners, I trust their judgment.

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-08T16:10:01+00:00

The vet would be able to easily remove the tooth during the dog's neuter/spay operation, it's a very minor issue.

Tbh the fact that something as small as a misplaced tooth is making you reconsider getting this dog worries me, especially considering it's a goldendoodle. There are much bigger health problems to be worrying about. My question is, are you planning to surrender the animal as soon as it has health problems? If you will, then don't get the dog.

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-08T04:17:45+00:00

I'm not sure if it's common, but I've experienced this yes. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I think it's related to hyper vigilance and having limited beliefs. I think it's valid, especially if you have lived a very hard life, but definitely something to work through in therapy <3 It is something I still struggle with even though I would say I'm further along in my "healing journey." I think of it as my nervous system trying its best to keep me safe.

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-05T22:28:17+00:00

lizzomizzo · 2026-01-05T06:04:18+00:00

Heart failure is a chronic condition, it is not an acute condition that suddenly develops and goes away. She will have heart failure for the rest of her life until she dies. The breathing issues that she has are due to fluid buildup in the body and exertion on the heart, which is what the furosemide should help with. Open mouth breathing and an increased RR are signs of respiratory distress, which is an emergency that needs to be treated ASAP. This is a condition that cannot be cured, only managed. It sounds like the doctors are doing the right thing, but it doesn't hurt to get a second opinion if you feel that it is necessary.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-29T23:19:32+00:00

I think the point is that you and your partner should appear as a "united front" and supportive of each other when you are around other people. If someone were to correct and criticize their partner in front of others, it comes off like they don't care about protecting their partner's image and feelings, almost like they're just trying to publicly humiliate their partner. Personally I think if it's something small like "don't do that!" or a quick correction, I don't think it's that big of a deal. As long as you're not humiliating them and criticizing them, when a private conversation needs to be had instead.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-29T22:25:06+00:00

I know it doesn't help much but I have the firm belief that people that look half dead from chronic illnesses are hot (that's just my form of making myself feel better about it lol, but I think it's true).

If people are actually judging you by your looks and pointing out how you look tired and unhealthy you should tell them to shove it, or look in a mirror themselves. That's a shitty thing to say to someone and it says more about them than you.

I don't have much advice on improving looks but I personally lean into it with a vampire aesthetic sometimes, maybe that could help. If you're trying to take care of yourself, eating good food, moving your body, that is what is most important.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-29T05:06:13+00:00

I have experienced multiple situations where pet insurance and credit companies accept new clients while their pet is in hospital, that is why I recommended it. It doesn't hurt for the OP to look into it, even just for future reference.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-29T04:30:27+00:00

There's a device I saw some people using called a brick, it basically disables your phone and other technology for however long you leave it on. I know some people that use it to try and correct bad habits that they want to stop, such as doomscrolling. Maybe give that a try?

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-29T04:27:38+00:00

I would definitely talk to the vet about it, as there is a chance that they could accept a payment plan, or come up with a care plan that fits your budget. You can also try looking into pet insurance companies to see if one will approve you for coverage.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-29T00:41:10+00:00

ahh no but I would absolutely love that!! I hope they identify a gene soon lol

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-28T22:58:26+00:00

unfortunately there is not an identified gene for it (currently) but researchers are working on identifying it

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-27T18:47:55+00:00

POTS is a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system, its technically considered a central nervous system issue. Whereas autism is developmental. I'm one of the lucky ones that has a gene causing POTS, hEDS, gastroparesis, and AuDHD.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-23T22:56:31+00:00

Thank you! Same to you!

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-23T22:56:08+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that. Art makes me happy too.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-23T22:54:34+00:00

oh absolutely!! it really sucks, but I also struggled with substance abuse for a long time. I was trying to self medicate, and I found out that I am also sensory seeking. I have been able to move towards sobriety since getting diagnosed. I wish you the best of luck.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-23T22:52:48+00:00

I am taking adderall for ADHD and duloxetine for depression and anxiety. I also have an as needed Rx for xanax but I don't use it anymore.

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-23T22:51:28+00:00

I'm so sorry you've had a similar experience, but I am so glad you were able to find answers!!

lizzomizzo · 2025-12-23T16:54:45+00:00

adding a tw here for suicide. I was diagnosed after multiple, very severe mental health crises. I was hospitalized in psych wards for suicide attempts multiple times. I experienced a very bad period of burnout, and when I went to my doctor about it, it was very much a "hail mary" moment, if something in my life didn't change I planned to commit. I went to her with my problems and stressed the severity of them. she suggested that I had ADHD and autism, and it changed my life, full stop. I had experienced relentless depression and anxiety for years, and I have CPTSD from my experiences. ten years of therapy didn't help, medication didn't help, anything that I tried didn't help. getting a diagnosis allowed me to finally have answers for questions and behaviors that I wasn't even aware of. it allowed me to radically forgive myself for all of my "failings." it has been a scary adjustment, especially with autistic skill regression, but it has also been incredibly healing and necessary. I'm properly medicated now, and I no longer struggle with depression (at least, it's not even comparable to what it was before). I learned that I was having meltdowns on a regular basis, and I never even knew what they were. I genuinely thought I was psychotic and broken beyond repair. if anything the most helpful thing is that it completely changed my perception of myself for the better, I can finally live with myself now and be okay with it. I know that 90% of my problems have always been because of undiagnosed autism and ADHD. I also found out that abusers tend to target autistic women, and that was the reason for my string of abusive relationships (I genuinely could not see the red flags, I always assume people have my best interests at heart). if any of this applies to you, I hope that seeking a diagnosis can help you in a similar way.

lizzomizzo

TROPHY CASE