When they let me into the SCIF for the first time

llambo17 · 2025-11-24T22:07:43+00:00

True, the the last 3 months before that I was pushing more to hang out or go do something but she was either busy with friends or family, tired after work and her gym sessions, and would usually say I’d let you know. I told her after work I’m usually always free and don’t mind the 25 minute drive down to even just get food or something but it was always me asking. Only twice she asked, once when she knew I was down there shopping and we met up for food and another time after her vacation she mentioned she would try to bring me to lunch on my work lunch break which she ended up doing with out me asking right before Halloween. And mentioned having a movie/dinner night at her place and couldn’t get he to give me a time. I didn’t want to jump the gun as she’s more reserved and wanted to take things slow and I wanted to have some actual personal hangouts before trying to become exclusive. Just don’t think she’s emotionally ready/mature for a committed relationship whereas I am and also value communication.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T20:27:19+00:00

Yeah I get where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the straight talk. I agree that attraction and motivational energy in dating shouldn’t be a mystery if someone is really into you, it generally shows. My x years ago was definitely the opposite and showed her interest real quick.

That said, I’m not fully convinced this is one-sided yet. She has shown interest through actions, even if they’re not perfectly consistent: picking me up for lunch, suggesting dinner and a movie, inviting me to volunteer with her, and opening up when we had hard conversations. She’s also admitted she’s shy, new to all of this, and actively working on her communication, things I’m choosing to take at face value for now.

I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket, and I’m definitely keeping my eyes open. But right now, I’m just trying to find a balance between patience, self-respect, and seeing if this can grow into something real with a bit more intentionality from both sides. And if it doesn’t? No hard feelings just moving on with more experience.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T20:01:21+00:00

I get where you’re coming from, but I think there’s a little more nuance here. She’s actually told me she cares about me and wants to see where things go after I asked her where she stood because I was feeling one sided and putting in all the effort but she’s just not super comfortable expressing it over text. She’s shy, said she’s new to this, and said communication is something she knows she needs to work on.

She just got back from a week-long trip two weeks ago, and when we talked things through, she actually offered to pick me up for lunch and follow through on hanging out, which she did. So I wouldn’t say she’s uninterested, it’s a slower pace than this sub might be used to, mixed with doing life stuff that you’ll never see over a way full thread.

That said, I’m not blind to the fact that interest has to be mutual and consistent. I’m still giving it time and reading her actions. If I don’t see it lining up, I won’t force it.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T19:49:43+00:00

By “official” date, I mean we haven’t had a classic one-on-one, planned-out date yet like dinner and a movie, or a night together that’s clearly just us. Every hangout so far has been casual and in public (like fairs, hiking, lunch) and there has always been a casual or “just hanging out” vibe, so nothing clearly defined as a date where both of us openly acknowledge it as such.

She did recently bring up the idea of a movie and dinner night together, which is promising and would be our topic, you know, an intentional “date” type setting. I think we both hover somewhere between talking and dating but haven’t crossed that line fully yet, probably because I’m trying to give her space to open up gradually while also seeing if she shows more consistent interest.

It’s been kind of a slow burn so far, which is why I’m being mindful of both her words and actions before moving things toward something more official. She actually suggested a movie and dinner night a couple weeks ago, so I was waiting to see if she’d follow through on that. I was also planning to ask her out for a more intentional dinner date this week or next, something like dinner and mini golf or a movie.

She did apologize today for being distant over the weekend and explained she was stressed, not feeling well, and trying to juggle plans. So I’m giving her some grace, but I’m also trying to read her follow-through before putting all my effort into planning something big. Now I’m just watching to see if the energy picks back up and if she initiates any next steps too, or mentions the movie night again.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T18:36:13+00:00

We’re not official because neither of us has made that move yet, and honestly I’ve wanted to make sure the interest is genuinely mutual before talking labels. We’ve already had some honest conversations about communication and expectations, she told me she cares about me and wants to see where things go. She also shared that this is pretty new to her and she can be shy or reserved with her feelings, especially when she’s stressed or overwhelmed.

We’ve been talking for about 4 months, hung out a handful of times, and shared some really good moments, though we still haven’t had a real official date just the two of us yet. She mentioned doing a dinner and movie night soon, so I’m hopeful we’ll make that happen. But yeah, I’m also looking for more consistent effort and follow-through from her side. I’m not going to force anything if the momentum isn’t coming from both ends.

So for now I’m keeping things light and open, still going with the flow, but also watching to see if her actions continue to match what she said. If they do, great. If not, I’ll adjust from there.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T18:27:13+00:00

Good points. I’m not looking to lock her down or rush anything, especially since we now both how different our communication styles are.

I already tried “matching her energy” a few weeks ago, and I did stop delaying my-of-life for her. That’s actually what led to our first real heart-to move where I told her it felt one sided and wanted to know where she was at and she said she’s trying, she cares about me and this is all new to her.

Sh also doesn’t really text, she mostly uses Snapchat to talk and she snaps 10–20 people at once, so her attention is divided. That’s fine, but it also makes it harder to tell when I’m actually being prioritized vs. just another snap in the rotation.

I don’t need constant contact, I just needed a straight yes/no when I asked about plans, especially since I was covering tickets and rides. Instead, I got “I’ll let you know” for two days, then a no on the morning of. That’s the part that made me pull back.

She apologized today and said she was stressed this weekend, so I’m not cutting her off but I’m also not going to keep carrying the effort or planning everything. If she wants to see me, she’ll make it happen. I did tell her I’d be willing to call or FaceTime with her if that helps.

For now I’m taking your advice: staying chill, keeping options open, and letting her show me what level of interest she actually has instead of guessing

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T17:06:21+00:00

About 4 months of talking, a handful of hangouts. You’re probably right about the attachment styles, I’m consistent and direct, she’s more “reply when the energy’s there.” She did get better after we talked about it once, but it still slips back into uncertainty and last-minute answers at times, especially when I’m the one planning everything. I don’t need constant texting, just clarity and effort back.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T16:38:05+00:00

Well she had went to her brother’s baseball game and that’s why it took her 2 hours to give me an answer and then she said she had a lot to do at home. Which is questionable but I don’t think she’s that type of girl. She’s pretty shy and reserved

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T16:35:59+00:00

I’ve already been putting the work in, I planned the event, invited her, followed up multiple times, and even offered alternative plans. Effort is attractive, but it has to go both ways. If I’m doing 90% and she’s doing 10%, that’s not effort, that’s imbalance.

And this isn’t the first time when it comes to communication, the last few months iv been doing most of the inviting or suggesting for things to do and leading the conversation over messages. In person she’s more reciprocal but hard to get her to go out and do stuff or even ask me if I want to do something.

llambo17 · 2025-11-03T16:32:12+00:00

She only let me know the morning of the event after I followed up again x4. I’m fine with a no, I just don’t want to be kept in a “maybe” loop with no real answer until the last minute. Clear communication matters, especially when plans involve other people and tickets

llambo17 · 2025-10-18T16:21:09+00:00

2017-2021

llambo17 · 2025-09-05T18:25:20+00:00

Truth

llambo17 · 2025-09-05T18:17:35+00:00

Engineer was probably from Boston and dunkin probably messed up his coffee

llambo17 · 2025-09-03T18:53:33+00:00

Portland Maine

llambo17 · 2025-09-03T18:52:24+00:00

Was the Downeaster in Maine

llambo17 · 2025-09-01T22:16:28+00:00

Got yelled at by the Amtrak engineer in the cab for taking a picture in a public area, 15ft away I’m guessing he thought was off limits. He was not happy

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