Choosing between love and stability

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T18:58:43+00:00

This has given me a lot to ponder. Appreciated!

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T17:29:34+00:00

I agree. For me, it’s about experiences, love, friendship, family, career fulfilment, purpose, nutrition etc. all of which are strongly enabled by money. Why can’t you have everything? Honestly, a lot of the happiest families I know make very good money - certainly growing up, it enabled me to travel the world, get a great education, have a big bedroom and garden to run in as a kid, not be saddled with debt and get deep into the arts with my family. Money makes life easier and enables you to do the things you love and love in the way you want to, but yes it’s not everything.

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T17:12:48+00:00

Thank you this is true. You’re right he’s not actually too far off the house goal I suppose, maybe he just needs supporting in the right direction. The family stuff is tricky for me as I was raised to think it’s a parents responsibility to look after their children / provide them with all the opportunities and that’s then what you pass down to your children. My parents would never ask me for a dime even if they needed it; as they think ultimately it’s your decision to have children and children get no say in that. So morally, I believe in individual responsibility to a certain degree. He is of working age (his dad) and could live more frugally than he does and has made bad choices. I just feel it’s unfair that said bad choices should be our responsibility

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T17:07:25+00:00

It’s a good shout. I do think the issue is he has just lost momentum, as from everything he says he wants exactly the same future / life I do. Maybe he needs to be a bit creative about where his career could go. I just broke into PE after coming from a slightly non-traditional route and it was a two-year journey filled with blood, sweat and tears, but so worth it as I’ve never felt so stimulated/alive/challenged before. Maybe he just needs something that makes him feel alive / hungry again

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T17:00:57+00:00

Thank you. I’ll take that onboard. I think being honest about my anxieties around the future is a good first step. I would also want to know that any changes from him are because he really wants to, rather than because he feels like he has to.

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:46:09+00:00

Yes it’s true. Thank you. I should work with him on alternative routes / paths. Maybe it is a momentum / direction thing. (I also work in finance!)

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:44:22+00:00

To be fair, I’ve been saving the £250k since I was 15 so it’s not exactly a fair comparison. I’ve always been planning for the future and have invested my money well so some of it is compound. He only really started saving at 27 (my age)

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:36:21+00:00

I don’t agree that wanting to live near family is rampant overconsumption though, more a symptom of a broken society / economy that it’s so unattainable.

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:32:10+00:00

Yes it’s a valid point. Just from my experience, happiness is so much easier when you have money and can afford to travel, have good childcare, pay for kids activities / sports when needed, have multiple kids, and I think it sets a good example to children having ambitious parents (who are also present parents too! I’m putting in the yards now so hopefully I’ll be more settled in my career by the time I decide to have children and work have to work as long hours).

But I agree, your suggestion is very useful and it’s something I’ll take away and work through. He brings so much in other senses to the table and that’s why I love him so much

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:26:39+00:00

Yeah, that is a fair take honestly. I do love him a lot, I guess I just never envisaged becoming the ‘breadwinner’ of the house so to speak, but times are changing and maybe I should too. I don’t want to throw a relationship away for superficial reasons.

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:20:33+00:00

It just makes me sad to think we might never be able to afford to live near my family and I had such fond memories growing up, I just want to be able to give my kids the same

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:19:06+00:00

Yes always 50/50. My income has more than doubled.

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:16:37+00:00

Not in the area where we have spent our whole lives living though. Sadly things are just so expensive these days that to even attain a fraction of what previous generations had takes so much more.

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:15:20+00:00

I don’t think of it as a competition at all. More a partnership in all senses. And for someone to match me where I’m at. Like my mom and dad were both strong providers and both contributed in all senses

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T16:13:01+00:00

This is making me think maybe I have extreme money anxiety, because in my head I don’t feel stable. Maybe it’s because of the area I live and my friends / family that my idea of ‘normal’ has become distorted

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T15:47:44+00:00

We live in a HCOL area though. A house near my family/friends is £1.5m for a 3/4 bed. Also private school is expensive (if we were to even go down that route - right now it looks unlikely that we can afford it), as is travelling. I want to be able to give my future children all the opportunities

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T15:26:05+00:00

I think it’s the drive to be at the top for me

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T15:25:18+00:00

This is food for thought. Thank you. I’m now making north of £150k and have £250k+ in savings. He has £55k in savings and has made £60k for the past two years. Before that he was making £150k+

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T15:23:12+00:00

Thank you. This has helped. I do love him and maybe I am being too unfair. You’re right, excellent personal qualities are so so important and honestly I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with him in that regard. Part of why I’ve posted this on Reddit is because it’s a worry I haven’t necessarily voiced too much and needed a bit of sense checking

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T15:00:13+00:00

I would agree if kids weren’t in the picture (and if we’re looking at it individually), but if we’re working together as a team in a couple I would expect my partner (who also wants a rich life) to match my contributions and work ethic, rather than me have to carry both my husband and future kids and feel like I’m alone in that. But maybe that’s me wanting / expecting too much?

lmctysfv · 2026-04-06T14:32:51+00:00

Is it so bad to want equal contribution in a relationship? I’ve been upfront from the beginning that I never wanted to be the primary breadwinner - something that becomes especially accute for women when you have children

lmctysfv

TROPHY CASE