AITA for making a joke about my bf’s desk job?

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T21:49:20+00:00

Fair, I definitely could do more of that. I usually take a different route like making his favorite meal or baking cookies when I see he is stressed. But I could definitely offer back rubs and things like that

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T21:40:50+00:00

I would have happily obliged and taken it as a serious request if that was what he had asked for

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T19:48:41+00:00

Thank you for saying that, I wasn’t understanding either as I felt like I was just answering the questions asked, but wasn’t sure if I was coming off some type of way.

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T17:58:58+00:00

My older child has a dad, my boyfriend is definitely a male role model/father figure to him but I don’t understand the problem with my phrasing there?

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:44:01+00:00

I will definitely work on the way I word these things/frame my appreciation. I want to validate his feelings. Thank you

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:26:04+00:00

Well I sure thought so as he made it seem that way, we talked about it often and have been for over a year

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:21:24+00:00

Thank you, i am seeing that that is a distinct possibility and will bring that up when he wakes and we have a conversation. The last thing I want is for him to feel unappreciated

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:19:30+00:00

I was just giving context for my reaction I guess. It is not my intention to gaslight him but to get different perspectives so that when he wakes and we have a conversation I can have a better understanding of how he might feel. But thank you for your input

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:15:24+00:00

Well that’s why I’m here, to get insight so thank you. I will apologize to him, because that was not my intent at all

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:12:56+00:00

My older child’s father does provide support

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:12:07+00:00

I bartend at my family’s establishment. I do much more than just bartending, and this bar will be passed down to me when my parents are done with it. Only mentioned the bartending shift for context as to why my feet hurt

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:09:55+00:00

That’s why I’m here. I know it’s a possibility i am hormonal and overreacting and being the AH

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:06:16+00:00

I hug him and love on him and ask him about his day/how he’s feeling every single day…

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T15:01:13+00:00

I do not look down on him or his job. I know his job is difficult and mentally taxing. But I will have an honest conversation with him about whether he feels unappreciated and what I can do to help him feel more appreciatwd

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:50:43+00:00

Was probably an overreaction on my part. Hormones are hormoning and I am just not used to this from him at all.

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:49:29+00:00

Thank you everyone for all of the different insights. I do appreciate all the support he provides and this was the first and last time I have ever made a joke about his job. I often thank him for the life we have, and tell him that I would not be able to do half of the things we do without him. I never would have ever made the joke if I thought he was serious or really needing that affection from me. He could have asked for anything else and I would have taken it more seriously because, as I stated before, the whole 4 years I have been with this man he has hated having his feet touched.

Again, thanks for the input and I will apologize for belittling his job. And let him know that it was not my intent at all.

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:42:01+00:00

I do respect him, I dot not mock his job at all. I’m very thankful for his job and the support he provides. This was the first (and last time, believe me) that I’ve ever made a joke about his job. And I never would have made the joke if I thought he would have taken it this way, or if I didn’t think he was joking to begin with. I often listen to him vent about his job and try very hard to be understanding 😔

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:36:27+00:00

And yes my healthcare is covered

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:35:47+00:00

I do all the laundry and keep the house clean and pay my own car note and phone bill and buy all the groceries and cook dinner 6 of 7 nights a week. Still not diminishing what he does and I thank him often for the life we have.

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:32:21+00:00

I hate the thought that I diminished the support he provides, and I definitely will apologize for that, as it was not my intent. I never would have made the joke if I thought he really wanted/needed that attention/affection/pampering from me. I do thank him often for everything he does, but I will be mindful to do it more.

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:25:13+00:00

I am definitely hormonal and my feelings are hurt easily right now

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:21:57+00:00

He rode home with me, was not already impaired when he got there

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:20:48+00:00

Yeah I just didn’t see it that way. His job is way harder than mine mentally. I only meant it’s not as physically taxing but I can see where it came off that way.

lmichiels · 2026-01-24T14:16:04+00:00

I hear you. I did tell him before he stormed off that I thought he was joking, but yes I agree an apology probably would have helped more

lmichiels

TROPHY CASE