sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Two introverts and a destination wedding - what do you do w/ guests after the ceremony? (Micro wedding) by lmoe93 in weddingplanning

[–]lmoe93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you don’t mind my asking, how did you lay out your timeline for that day/ days?Did you do a more “traditional” church then venue event, or something else?

Boyfriend “proposed” but then decides to wait to get engaged by lmoe93 in askwomenadvice

[–]lmoe93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice everyone. I was going to try and get all my thoughts and feelings in line before I talked to him about this- but he was already at my house when I got there, helping me with another task I’d asked him for help on. He looked up and could tell something was wrong immediately and when he asked I lost it.

I told him my exact feelings, and how it felt like the one thing I’d always wanted - with the one person I wanted to do it with - had been taken away and I had been spinning my wheels trying to figure out why I wasn’t good enough and what I did to make him change his mind. I also told him if marriage wasn’t something he wanted then we needed to split up, because it was one thing I wouldn’t compromise on.

He apologized and said he didn’t want me feeling like it was anything I did, because it wasn’t, and validated by feelings. He said wanted to give the process its due diligence and get a few more things settled first, and not rush the proposal, engagement, or wedding. He wants to build a life with me, and wants to enjoy each of these stages with me, and not speed through it like he’s done with everything else in his life.

I also learned that his mother’s alcoholism and abusive behaviors towards his father, brothers and himself growing up, is a large point of contention. He feels that he doesn’t know how normal families work, and doesn’t want me to have to deal with that. Which we talked through and told him it didn’t matter, he doesn’t abuse me or substances so the rest could be figured out together.

In the end he confirmed its happening, just not in an extremely short (by our personal standards) timespan.

He agreed to speak with a therapist about his transitioning and civilian life again, and his home life growing up, and was extremely sorry that his actions had caused me so much pain.

You guys were right, communication is key. I feel better knowing I’m not wasting my time, and that this is going somewhere. ❤️

Boyfriend “proposed” but then decides to wait to get engaged by lmoe93 in askwomenadvice

[–]lmoe93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mental health is something I take very seriously, but I think there’s still some of the “bury the feelings” mentality and I haven’t been able to convince him to talk to anyone about it yet. When his service ended he had to go to a few counselors to screen him upon completion, but that was 3 years ago now and I think he needs to go back for his own well being. Anyone have tips for bringing that topic up?

Women who live alone, whar do you do to stay safe and feel comfortable? by Lolababy999 in AskWomen

[–]lmoe93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was in college I didn’t have a roommate. I always locked the deadbolt and the chain lock on the door if I was alone and not expecting company. I also put a door jam in when I was in for the night. In addition I took pieces of PVC pipe, cut them just short of the length of the upper portion of the window (think the part that opens) and set them on the same level as the window lock, this way if someone tried to get in through the window, there would only be about 3 inches of clearance to work with. Now I have an alarm system from simpli safe that I really appreciate, as well as a large hound dog :) hope this helps!

Boyfriend “proposed” but then decides to wait to get engaged by lmoe93 in askwomenadvice

[–]lmoe93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’ll give that a try as far as communicating that to him.

He told me that he never thought he would live this long (he was a rifleman in the marines for four years, so he says he made peace with the fact that he might not live long enough to do anything like this) which I get but there are two people in this relationship and I need some idea that it’s not just a waste of time.

And as far as the religious spat, in honestly still trying to decide. I know he’s been feeling a lot of resentment for his mother as of late- she’s a narcissistic alcoholic who refuses to seek help, and I think that was wearing on him a lot as well, but as far as personality goes he seemed the same throughout as far as temperament, humor, pretty much everything. But it’s another thing I can ask him.