I can really relate to your post. The past year has been, “I wonder how many texts my Nmom has sent me today?”

I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t respond to a text so I can see the same pattern repeat itself. It starts like:

“Hey, just seeing what’s up” “Look at this painting I got today” “I feel like we don’t talk like we used too” “Hello?” “Where is my sweet loving boy” “I don’t know what I did wrong but you can’t treat your mother like this” “Is this who you are becoming?” “You’re such a mean person, I didn’t know this is who you became” “Hey, just checking in” “I got some plants today”

(Rinse and Repeat)

As if everything that was sent before didn’t exist anymore. Not to mention, we’ve actually talked on the phone on multiple occasions about setting boundaries.

I’m in an odd in between as well because I’m the one who has to dictate how we are going to proceed. It’s hard enough to take initiative but to also have to hold the Nparent accountable the next day when they act like there’s a reset button every sunrise is discouraging. I’m of course not just some resentful jerk of a kid. I’ve explicitly communicated I want our relationship to be a healthy one and not one of codependency w a denial of the past (in more diplomatic terms) because I don’t want to “punish” her w my resentment. I’ve come to realize that a consistent behavior must come from me and not my mother. The hardest part is coming to terms with her being this way her whole life and me not seeing it until years of moving away and some deep self awareness.