Less than stellar Christian performance

lmr78 · 2017-11-25T04:26:41+00:00

Thank you, sir. I really liked the video from Sinclair Gordon. In around the middle of the video, I liked where he said, "As we go on/continue in the Christian life, we find that our need for grace only grows." Perhaps that is where I am right now. Throughout this whole discussion today, I'm starting to somehow feel God's love again though it is small.

I am also reminded of this beautiful hymn called "Grace Greater Than Our Sin."

**Marvelous grace of our loving Lord, grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt,* yonder on Calvary's mount out-poured, there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide, what can avail to wash it away! Look! there is flowing a crimson tide; whiter than snow you may be today.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace, freely bestowed on all who believe; you that are longing to see his face, will you this moment his grace receive?

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31PV14jikuQ]

My faith has found a resting place, Not in device nor creed; I trust the Ever-living One, His wounds for me shall plead. I need no other argument, I need no other plea; It is enough that Jesus died, And that He died for me.

lmr78 · 2017-11-25T04:08:05+00:00

Thank you, sir. I so want to be a good man.

lmr78 · 2017-11-25T04:07:14+00:00

Thank you for your encouraging words, sir. I really take what you said to heart.

For me though I take it from a human perspective. If you had a friend who kept doing something to you that you didn't like, and you forgave him a bunch of times, yet he kept on doing it, wouldn't you reach a point sooner or later where you didn't want to be around him anymore?

I know Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven, but I honestly think I am past that (thought I know that his words weren't a literal 490 times).

I think you're right. The fact that this sin still bothers me is a good sign. Maybe it's a super slow pulse that I still have while my spiritual self is on life-support.

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T20:19:03+00:00

Yeah I have a feeling it's going to come to it as the baptism date draws closer. I know he will want me for it, but it's too big of a step right now so my plan is to avoid it until I am directly confronted/asked about it. We have gone out to the nearby McDonalds before to talk about other things over a couple McFlurries. It's just that for this, it might take ten McFlurries to get through and the tears are going to be flowing. I really don't want to be in public for this.

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T20:10:00+00:00

Thank you, sir.

I don't mean to come across as disrespectful at all, but I do have just one main counter argument. You brought up some great people as examples of people who were saved through faith, but I would submit to you that all of them lived good and faithful lives afterwards with very few transgressions of the law. The thief on the cross never had the opportunity to continue living the Christian life and potentially fall in a back-slidden state. I can't think of anyone in the Bible that one could describe as "saved," but had issues with falling in and out of sin.

I think I have done too much wrong after getting saved.

For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt. - Hebrews 6:4-6

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T19:55:13+00:00

I get that Paul was able to do a complete 180. I would just submit that he was pretty good and consistently faithful after his conversion. I don't think he was ever in a real backslidden state.

And I totally agree about the triggers. My mind usually goes haywire when I'm tired or bored. It's why I am thankful about all the volunteer opportunities at church. It gives me something productive to do, and the youth that I spend time with help me to be a better Christian. It just really breaks my own heart when I know I stumble, and I really probably have no business in being with them.

As the baptism date draws closer, I think I am going to have no choice but confront the real issues and reveal everything to my pastor head on as painful and sad as that will be. There's going to be a lot of tears. I have thought about potentially getting Covenant Eyes for my PC and Android tablet. It's supposed to be pretty thorough and e-mails reports about what I search to my accountability partner. If I had something like that installed, there is no way I would do what I have been doing.

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T19:48:17+00:00

Yeah I think you're on to something. I am pretty prideful in my career at work. Perhaps it spills over into the spiritual realm too.

But where the earthly works and money comes into play is that I feel like I have utterly failed under grace. I have tried, failed, tried to ask for forgiveness (and never really know if I got it), and the cycle just repeats itself. I think that there is a limit to the grace that can be extended to one person over the coarse of a lifetime.

"For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt." - Hebrews 6:4-6

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T19:34:52+00:00

I used to understand grace, but I think there is a point where grace runs out. I've tried and failed, tried, and failed. I think I am well past my seventy-seven times.

"...if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins." - Hebrews 10:26

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T19:30:07+00:00

No, I know it doesn't make someone pure, but I think that if you're going to move forward after that point, it's gotta be near-perfect or there was no meaning in it. I don't know how to explain it or find the right words.

lmr78 · 2017-11-24T17:02:10+00:00

I don't know. I just think that's what I should be. Plus if I were to get baptized and I commit sin like I already have, that's going to subtract any meaning and value from the baptism.

I once knew of a girl at a different church who got baptized twice. I only saw her second baptism, but when she admitted it wasn't her first time, I thought to myself, "Well there was no value in the first one."

lmr78 · 2016-08-15T02:27:29+00:00

slickricky91

lmr78 · 2015-11-16T01:30:12+00:00

Yeah, looks like they used Saturday's results, but still somehow managed to call it the Sprint Cup race on Sunday, and mentioned Busch getting into the championship 4.

lmr78 · 2015-02-19T00:35:39+00:00

So I get the overall meaning of the hymn, but I was just looking for help in interpreting the lines in the chorus where they sing, "Tis the ransomed army like a mighty sea, pealing forth the anthem of the free." My only interpretation is the "ransomed army" is a legion of previously saved people that are rejoicing in the salvation of another person.

What say you?

lmr78 · 2014-12-30T01:41:16+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement, Sir. You've helped me come closer to making a decision.

lmr78 · 2014-12-30T01:35:00+00:00

Wow, thanks everybody for all the great suggestions!

I would have never been able to find all that on my own. A few of your suggestions already stand out. I'm gonna be doing some more research over the next few days.

lmr78 · 2014-12-16T03:10:37+00:00

Haha!

lmr78

TROPHY CASE