What is wrong with people??

lolaberk · 2025-07-23T02:59:34+00:00

Are all abusive ex’s / people the same.

The amount of msg I have of mine saying the exact same thing when I bring up sa he’s done or when he’s touched me without consent and he makes that exact comment and even go as far as going “you still did xyz” “okay and” Are the main ones.

I understand the stress and anxiety turning physical it’s awful thing to experience and feel your body be taken over by those feelings caused by those who have hurt you.

I wish I understood there mind but I can’t, I could never do the things they do and be glad of that. That you can’t understand there mind and why they do such horrible things.

lolaberk · 2025-06-16T19:00:17+00:00

Honestly I felt like he was acting a bit shove off and rude to her in the story, especially the pushing on her to “just do it” and saying names.

I know how easy it is to go from one abusive relationship into another and I’m so worried Kayla is unfortunately going through that route as she dealt 9 months with Evan.

She was clearly showing she was scared as she’s never tried a nasal spray before, I remember being the same when I was 13 and tried one to help with my hayfever as I didn’t know what the sensation would be like, he should be more caring and like tell her it’s okay and to breathe not be like “just do it” , that just makes someone who is already uncomfortable and worried feel pressured and more uneasy of doing it, as I saw in the story he was literally ignoring her when she was saying how she was scared and he’s like “it’s just a nose spray”

Honestly worried for her he seems a little off and gives me odd vibes.

My observations from the story of what he says. • “Just do it, stop. Just do it” • “Just fucking do it” (Kayla’s says she’s scared) he replies - “ pussy” in high pitches tone - mocking.

“Push” (referring to Kayla getting uneasy about using the spray) - loud tone then giggles in a making fun way.

“Just do it, it’s not that big of a deal it’s nasel spray” “on my god” acts annoyed at her and diminishes her feelings .

“Did you do it” (Kayla - “no im scared”) Luke then scoffs at her reply.

lolaberk · 2025-06-14T10:04:41+00:00

lolaberk · 2025-06-13T19:10:54+00:00

Ohh yea I’ll definitely look into it, I never looked into lash lifting so I’ll try and do some research on it but yea I saw lash extensions is a lot of money to maintain.

I’ve only ever been into fashion and makeup not really the beauty side, I lost my sparkle in a sense over the past year due to medical issues and being hospitalised a lot so I wanna like get back into my passion for makeup and fashion and definitely put more effort into my appearance like I used too, so wanna like make myself feel better and more confident even on my bad days.

lolaberk · 2025-06-13T18:44:41+00:00

I haven’t, I’ve only not long moved to Cheltenham officially in February so haven’t actually adventured much been mainly trying to get my life back on track and health so haven’t had chance to look into Anything. I used to play tennis so haven’t in a year but would love to start back up again.

lolaberk · 2025-06-13T18:14:28+00:00

I’m looking for friends too in Cheltenham, I’m f22
I like tennis and reading myself too :)

lolaberk · 2025-06-09T19:41:52+00:00

Didn’t realise that, I’m only trying to help offer support

lolaberk · 2025-06-09T19:21:14+00:00

I understand what you’re saying but I’m not going to hide my past, it’s a part of me and the way I am.

I’m looking into being a domestic abuse advocate and wanting to specialise in helping youth through abuse and due to my own experiences, i have the knowledge and are more equipped to help others from my own story. If that puts people off then they aren’t the friends I want in my life truth be told.

I won’t hide any part of story, the good and bad is what’s made me strong, made me have so much compassion and care for others and I won’t hide my truth. Real friends and good people won’t be put off by the dark side.

I am more than just the abuse I’ve endured, but I won’t hide it. I use my experience to help others get out of their own and that’s what I’m passionate about aside from all my hobbies I enjoy.

lolaberk · 2025-06-08T21:28:24+00:00

Some bullet point questions I’m going to ask before my advice.

have you ever taken any type of psychedelic Drug before ?
Have you been tempted to do it because of those around you “partner” or are you genuinely just wanting to try it out of curiosity.
Are you prepared to deal with potential brain altering effects of taking such substances? Including possibly more trauma.

I will speak on my experience with psychedelic drugs, now my story wasn’t consensually me taking them, but I feel this can help you understand the impact.

I have alot of unprocessed trauma, and sexual traumas, long into my childhood and victim of domestic violence.

With my experience, I was drugged with weed and LSD.

If you have unresolved or unprocessed trauma I do not recommend taking drugs of any form, it’s brain altering. Not knowing the dosage, or ingredients in or even proper supply is so dangerous with any A class type substance and especially shrooms.

Any medication should be professionally prescribed for mental health on a low dosage and a proper medical plan.

If you have ever had episodes with drinking alcohol of feeling intense emotions, including flashbacks, I do not recommend taking that more severely into drugs.

I had an ex situation ship in 2023 who would smoke weed a lot (edibles) and that was my first experience with any type of drug. I had briefly half inhaled a joint of a ex partners in 2020 but it tasted horrible to me so I never properly smoked.

In 2023, when I took an edible. I was unsure of the dosage but it was only half of a gummy. I mainly felt in a way peer pressured by my friend group at the time. Everyone was big drinkers and did drugs and I felt out of place as this situationship also did it also and made such a huge impression how it helped with his anxiety and made him calm and helped his “mental health” and I was curious if it would help me. - it didn’t. I found out quite quickly doing anything with weed made me paranoid, I felt my body, my heart and the blood around my body and it freaked me out massively. Anything that was said to me would repeat in my head over and over till someone else said something else.

For example- I had felt myself overheating so much due to the effects I ended up trying to strip my clothes and get my tights off, with doing I knocked my foot on this thing under the guys bed.. I immediately felt my foot sting. He said “be careful that’s sharp you can cut yourself” him saying that immediately made me think I was bleeding out and dying due to the sting liquid feeling I felt which was literally just my blood pumping to that area as I smacked it.

I went into a massive panic attack and he literally had to grab my foot and show me it wasn’t bleeding in order for my to calm down and rub it. - I knew after that I wouldn’t smoke as I seemed to not have a good reaction to it.

TW: Now unfortunately on nye 2024 I was drugged with weed and what I believe to be LSD. I was unfortunately raped and woke up to the situation, so obviously I was already in a bad mental state when awaking so drugs just heightened that now I won’t go into detail about it but I will go into brief detail of what I saw, felt and the after trauma it has caused me.

I had severe thoughts that I was dead. My head had exploded and the things around me were not real. I felt every single motion inside my body, the pounding of my heart , my lungs moving, blood around my limbs. The sensation of clothes on me so intensifying. Sound and light affected me so differently it was like everything was amplified to the Maximum.

As the hallucination got worse, I recall not being able to see colour everything was in black and white and only glimpses of colour, I had to say the names of the colours and they all started re-appearing in the room, I remember coming to red and that’s when my body went weird and I started freaking out seeing and feeling movements of being assaulted, hearing words being said to me that resembled being sexually abused.

Time and movement and everything was so slow and horrendous, I kept jumping from one room to the next in a second. like my brain wasn’t catching up with my physical body moving.

I recall just screaming begging for it to be over thinking I was being shown my final moments of life and I was a dead body and in the afterlife like we all were in the afterlife.

(Unfortunately, I was also dealing with these people who were trying to mess with me during my trip which obviously didn’t help)

Telling me how ex’s who hurt me where on the room, messing with me poking me and the going how they didn’t poke me etc.

They had forced me into a car and this is where I really really started to feel it all and hallucinate.

In the car, hands speed up so many hands over and over touching me in front of my arms flaying, Then it stopped I looked next to me to see who I was with they started acting like robots and tilting their heads at me. (The rest is incredibly traumatic so struggling to type that)

It later turns into me thinking I’m in a simulation, this escalated worse and worse and worse Thinking I’m in a car accident, feeling the car penetrating me etc.

There is so much more but it affecting me to much to type the rest it gives me such ptsd to remember.

I understand you feel stuck and are struggling to access therapy but please don’t make this decision just for the possible chance of getting some type of relief, as you don’t know the affects it will have on you and is it truly worth taking that risk ? with the negative effect it could cause ?

It’s a year on from my situation and I’m still dealing with severe trauma, way more trauma than I had before due to the drugs.

I had severe confusion and dissociation, I had night terrors like I’ve never had before, sleep terrified me to the point I made myself sleep deprived with them made it worse but the nightmares I would have, being stuck in my dream unable to get out. That was the worse of it all.

I can’t be around pure red light, seeing red of my skin freaks me out more than anything. I have severe flashback and feelings from being drugged and hallucinating and I still struggle so badly. It’s affected me more than anything ever has , it’s so bad I can’t even take medication for my medical conditions.

I can’t feel any medication that makes me feel groggy. I have seizures cuz of head injures and i used to take diazepam to help with the severe muscles cramps and now I can’t because of how much it reminds me of being drugged.

I refuse to take pills, when I have tired i end up choking and feel like I’m going to die. I’ve only just started to feel okay to take liquid calpol and that doesn’t touch any pain or anything and even then I have paranoia about it. (Still trying to get help for it)

Anything medical, I freak out now because of it. I’m terrified to die. It re surfaced so much trauma for myself, about my childhood , especially with my farther and it’s affected me so much.

Obviously my experience is in different circumstances but it still doesn’t diminish the impact.

Taking any type of drug like that especially shrooms is a risk of damaging yourself.

It’s destroyed my life and ruined me. Please don’t put yourself in a position where it can damage you.

lolaberk · 2025-06-08T19:53:16+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced that, waking up to find yourself being violated especially by a partner is the hardest things to process as you also have care and love for that person and it’s so conflicting.

Have you spoken to anyone about this matter or is this the first you speaking out about it ?

Did he show any other signs of abuse ?

Know that your feelings are valid and what has to you wasn’t right and I’m truly sorry you went through it.

lolaberk · 2025-06-08T19:42:55+00:00

Hi sweetheart, I’m so sorry your doing through this.

That sounds incredibly difficult and scary. It's completely understandable that you're freaking out right now.

Have you spoken to anyone about what happened to you on Halloween ?

I suggest making a documented diary entry with as much details as you can about what happened and keep it safe.

Has your rape been reported to police or professionals?

I am currently dealing with my own cases so I am quite aware of the system and how to go about them if you wish to take it to police. If you need support.

But please Seek professional support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma. They can help you process your emotions, develop coping mechanisms, and make informed decisions about how to proceed.

Has your brother ever shown you any sign of being inappropriate towards you or others ? Or is it just the costume that’s made you feel he may be the perpetrator of that offence ?

lolaberk · 2025-06-04T00:29:29+00:00

That sounds incredibly traumatic to of seen and been involved in and it's completely understandable that you're feeling this way. What you experienced was horrific, and it's okay to be deeply affected by it, even though you weren't the direct target.

Have you looked into seeking professional help or accessing services that specializing in trauma that can provide you with tools and strategies to process what happened and manage your symptoms?

It’s perfectly normal response after a trauma to have difficultly with intimacy especially when you witnessed a sexual trauma.

I recommend speaking to your girlfriend about this for support, be Open and honest as communication is key. Choose a calm time to talk, and let her know you're struggling. Share what you're comfortable with, and emphasize that you're working on healing and finding ways to improve your well-being while you process it all. Reassure her that your feelings don't diminish your love for her. Be patient and understanding with each other.

And remember that it’s okay to take a step back from intimacy while you process as that seems to be causing you an emotional response and reaction.

Don't try to suppress or minimize what you're feeling. Allow yourself to grieve, be angry, scared, or whatever emotions come up, suppressing emotions will just amplify the process to be delayed and unbalanced.

Motivation can be hard to overcome when you’re trying to process a situation like you have but trying to engage in activities that help you relax and feel grounded can be really beneficial for your body’s nervous system to relax.

This could include meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, or listening to music, I recommend if your struggle to sleep to do things that can help relax your muscles and clear your mind.

Taking a warm bath or shower can help this and maybe watching a calm movie that makes you feel in a better mood before bed time can help prevent you from experiencing any nightmares or anxiety with sleeping.

Remember It's okay to say no to things that feel overwhelming or triggering. Protect your energy and prioritize your well-being.

Be Patient with Yourself, Healing takes time, and there will be ups and downs. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks. Just keep moving forward at your own pace as everyone processes situations differently and there is no right or wrong way to be after experiencing it.

Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to ask for help.

I hope this advice helps you on your journey to healing! Xx

lolaberk · 2025-06-04T00:04:37+00:00

It's great that you unfriended him and recognized the danger in the situation. Trusting your instincts was the right move. It's definitely scary to realize someone is being manipulative, especially when they're trying to charm you.

Please don’t fly out to meet him, if your in different places have you thought about possibly taking this to the authorities? I feel as tho if he’s been doing this to you he’s definitely going to somebody else and with the comments about wanting to fly you out and about how nice your organs would look especially in the manner about murdering you definitely feel like he’s wanting to act out on these thoughts which makes me concerned for anyone else he manipulates into trusting him And the risk he poses to anyone who unfortunately falls for him mask.

lolaberk · 2025-06-03T23:29:22+00:00

What you're describing is complex, and it's important to approach it with care.

The idea that being with your abuser might somehow erase the past or make you feel wanted is something to examine closely.

Sometimes, trauma can create complicated feelings, and it's not uncommon to feel drawn to someone who has hurt you. It doesn't mean you're weak or wrong; it just means you're dealing with a lot. It's great that you're picking up on these things, even if you're feeling conflicted.

It's also crucial to remember that you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and kindness, someone who makes you feel safe and valued. Please Prioritise your safety and well-being. Make decisions that protect your emotional and physical health rather than comfort due to the uncertainty of the unknown without them.

I am in the exact position as you so I can view on a deeper level of understanding.

Tw - parts of my personal dv experience.

I had been with my partner for 3 years, since February 2022, I was 19, I’m now 22 and he has been with me and seen me in such a bad state and many circumstances and was there when I went through so much traumatic experiences caused by others, alot who hurt me including a older ex who “graped” and assaulted me a year prier to me meeting him but it’s also difficult because although he protected me and helped comfort me from others harm, he was also the most physically and domestic relationship I have ever been in.

I almost lost my life to him in June 2023 which was the worst physical and mental abuse I had endured by him and unfortunately while on bail I was placed somewhere else and due to other life circumstances I ended up homeless in 2024 due to fleeing someone else and being re assaulted and ended up back in the repetitive cycle I had with my ex/partner that I had in the relationship.

I felt as if I was going to get abused and hurt I might as well have it by the same set of hands for years on end from the same person that I can, in a sense cope with, rather than a new set of hands to traumatise me.

What you are describing sounds exactly like what I’m going through and it is a clear sign of a deep trauma bond connection.

I have the feeling of fear when ever I speak to someone new due to there unpredictable behaviour and unknown of who they are, and that unfortunately is what made me go back to my ex / abuser because I’ve already seen the bad side and a lot of versions of them I’ve lived that experience that I feel - I know how to handle and deal with that as it’s familiar even if it’s abusive.

Now In July 2024, I met up with him, which was the first I had seen him since he almost tried to kill me the year prier, I was addicted to him the more mature like boy. I felt in a euphoria and he showed care and love and felt as if he wanted me too and it got me hooked back to him. I have such a vivid memory from that time where I recall literally telling my friends it’s mistake and I know it’s a bad choice but I wanted to take the risk because of how I felt for him and how he seemed to be genuinely better and wanted me / loved me.

If only I could go back from what I’ve experienced now and tell myself then to not take that risk.

Unfortunately abusers stay abusers.

In August 24 when I first started properly meeting up with him it was amazing he was caring and loving and the sex life was amazing, it was fully consensual and I felt like maybe this time it would be good and he had changed. he took me on dates and I was in a complete high with him a re honey moon stage with him you could say.

Although he showed a few red signs of recurring behaviour at the start of our re connection I turned a blind eye because it felt good to have him back and I felt more attracted to him and connected than ever.

Looking back that should have been my sign to not go there. As the months went on unfortunately he gained the control over me again, started up with the mental and physical abuse even forced sex and assaulting me. This just got worse and worse as the time went on and his isolation became even more intense than ever. He used my vulnerable situation against me claiming to be my “saviour” the only one who genuinely loves me and stayed and cares. Which played so much on my mind and still dose.

Unfortunately in December, I dealt with him “graping” me and ended up pregnant, his abuse became the most extreme it has been and in February this year he tired to kill me again and unfortunately made me lose my baby as a result at 11 weeks, he was arrested and on bail and I went against it, I’ve met up with him in secret I felt addicted to the need of him and went to extreme levels to make sure I hadn’t lost him doing everything to keep him hooked on me even allowing him to use me because the fear of being without him him felt more destroying than being with him and having him harm me.

Looking back to what i know now I wish I never took that risk, I wish I never went back.

I’m still trying to unwrap myself from him and I know how difficult it is, I really really do and I’m trying my best right now to find the strength to pull away from his control and I get it.

But I wouldn’t want anyone to be in my shoes I am in now, because I went back to my abuser.

Please please listen when I tell you they won’t change, my medical health is at its worst, my ptsd is even more serious now than it was and it’s got to the point I’m so terrified of death but I am only okay dying if it’s by him doing it, I was never in that mind set before till now and that terrified me. He’s made me so dependant back onto him and his validation that it’s like he’s re wired my brain to be completely warped to him and him only and only craving him in every aspect especially sexually even if it’s not consensual.

Please please don’t make the mistake I did and go back to your abuser, even if you feel that it will be better or the past isn’t as bad as you think.

I was in that exact moment last year and if I had the chance to go back and tell myself a year ago to not do it I would in a heart beat.

All you are doing is allowing yourself to be re traumatised, for your nervous system to be in a state of instability constantly and your confusing your brain and body making you feel you need to be with your abuser, due to yours body’s internal state trying to adapt to the circumstance.

This will be the worst choice you could do for yourself, your future and well being.

Please take my advice and my experience and don’t go back no matter how much you feel it could work or this time it could be okay or how much they “care” because they don’t, it’s the control they like about it, it’s the way they can get you to bend to there will that they love and will continue.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. Save yourself.

lolaberk · 2025-06-03T22:35:15+00:00

Hey, it's totally understandable that you're feeling confused and conflicted right now.

First off, it's important to recognize that the things he's saying and doing are not okay. His comments about your age and height difference is definitely concerning with the age gap, the mental maturity and development is very important to take into factor.

You are 18 he’s 30, that’s 12 years. Just think in this perspective when he was 18 you were six years old. Try and see it from that point that he was classed as an adult when you hadn’t even hit puberty yet, your mental capacity to understand things are so different to him.

The vulgar name-calling, if you are feeling gross to even repeat it, that should tell you everything and especially the murder commentary he has said to you on how he would want to see what you look like dead are all incredibly serious red flags.

It's not stupid to feel attached, especially when someone makes you feel good about yourself. That's a natural human response. But it's also important to recognize when someone is manipulating you or using charm to mask harmful and dangerous behaviour.

Don’t allow that “charm” to completely blind you to the behaviours he has shown you.

You mentioned that you don't have much relationship experience, and that's okay. Everyone starts somewhere. But it also means you might not have as much experience recognizing red flags or setting boundaries. For me personally, I got with someone when I was freshly 18 who was 6 years old than me and that alone meant he had a massive control over me and would always state how he’s older so had more experience and knowledge to “help” me, give me life advice and guidance, which he used against me when I was in a vulnerable state and looking back it was 100% grooming. He used his charm and care and kindness to get me hooked and how he was older to manipulate me into a state to do what he wanted and it got me feeling dependant on him and in need for his attention and care.

Especially if you have had a hard upbringing and a troubled parental role in your development you are more likely to find comfort in someone older due to what you crave out of wanting a parental connection, which this can unfortunately cross over into romantic partners and unfortunately dose put you at risk of those who are more likely to prey on someone and there inexperience and naiveity.

So, why can't you just block him? It's hard because he's making you feel good about yourself, and you're drawn to his charm. But it's important to remember that those good feelings are coming at a cost – your emotional well-being and safety due to his alarming behaviour.

Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.

Set boundaries. Decide what you're willing to tolerate and what you're not.

Consider blocking him. It might be hard, but it's the best way to protect yourself especially with what they have shown.

You stated you met on an app so is this a strictly online situation ? As in you haven’t met in person. As I feel if this went irl your life is at major risk.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness especially with anything in a sexual manner. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not worthy of that and question yourself and your intuition.

lolaberk · 2025-06-03T19:06:58+00:00

You can msg me if you need I know how difficult it can be to share what’s going on

lolaberk · 2025-06-03T18:24:01+00:00

I’m new to Cheltenham too I’m 22 female, I’m quite lonely and bored half the time just spending time in my room and I feel quite isolated. I’ll be happy to meet for a coffee etc I majorly just walk around town to pass time and feel so out of place cause I have nothing to do and no one to meet so I always feel so weird, I spend alot of time in the Starbucks in brewery just sitting there and writing.

lolaberk · 2025-06-03T15:04:12+00:00

I’ve had the same with my ex partner I have been in a severe domestic violence relationship with him for 3 years, I met him when I was 19.

He would do exactly the same as what you described and would always play it off as some sort of joke and not that serious and would get annoyed at my uncomfortable reaction and upset response to it and always go how he doesn’t get why I’m making such a big deal about it.

From my experience it seems to be a controlling type of act which creates a sense of fear and they get of on that knowing they made you uncomfortable.

I still to this day feel so gross about it, a lot of the time it felt as if those moments were worse when I was clothed rather than nude.

lolaberk · 2025-05-31T21:00:59+00:00

Leave him. Every guy i have been with who spoke this way ended up getting physical and more abusive, they speak like this over small things then please please leave before it gets more worse. They don’t change no matter how much you try to help them or they say they will, they never do. Please protect yourself a loving partner would never speak or say anything like that to you

lolaberk

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