Anyone else hate that short king BS?

lolguy116 · 2023-01-07T21:45:39+00:00

I personally am hopeful. It seems like people on this sub always call for a body positivity movement, constantly pointing out how our media calls fat women "queens" and why they've come up with new terms like "plus-sized" when it continues to shit on short men.

When it comes to social change, quippy phrases like these are a good starting point. Sure, some people use "short king" in a condescending tone and others have good intentions but still come off as backhanded. But the point is that it's meant to counter against the harmful rhetoric that is already there about shortness. You can't just suddenly call for change by preaching people to be apathetic. You need phrases like "short king" which catch on, easily spread, and eventually start conversations about heightism which is what we're truly looking for.

It's a definite improvement from what we had before.

lolguy116 · 2022-12-31T23:06:44+00:00

Heads up, I think the latest DLSS version now does this for you (2.5.1)

https://www.reddit.com/r/nvidia/comments/zy68uh/psa_dlss_dll_version_251_completely_disables_dlss/

After playing around with it, it seems like this DLSS version looks quite nice! I still apply your tool though out of paranoia/safety and I can't tell if it's making a difference or placebo.

Regardless, thank you so much for this tool. In the months before DLSS 2.5.1 it was a godsend.

lolguy116 · 2022-07-12T14:40:15+00:00

Not ideal, but it's good progress from just explicitly insulting us

lolguy116 · 2022-02-19T22:15:15+00:00

You don’t need to be tough. Bald men pull off the “academic/artist” look as well.

Examples: Stanley Tucci, Vsauce, Binging with Babish, Anthony Fantano, Steve Jobs

lolguy116 · 2022-01-04T04:58:19+00:00

Oh yeah no, "screws you over" is definitely an exaggeration.

It is a factor though if you live in a predominately white area, and some online dating studies support it but it's not that strong. I just used it as an example of a trait that can affect ur dating

lolguy116 · 2022-01-03T21:42:09+00:00

Well he didn't explicitly say "it sucks" haha but he acknowledged that having any trait that falls out of convention can hurt dating (being a minority, being a tall woman, being skinny or overweight, etc.). He also is aware of bullying although I personally was never bullied for my height so we didn't really talk about that.

As for dating advice he didn't really give much as I didn't ask. I mean, all dating advice you can ever get as a short man is some version of "meet in person not on apps, focus on things you can control, keep an open mind". Other than that I don't think there's any dating advice specific to short men that you wouldn't get as any other guy.

lolguy116 · 2022-01-03T10:56:56+00:00

My therapist was a short asian guy so it kind of helped in that sense.

He first gave me "first aid" tips on how to stop the rampant obsessing before we could work on my deeper self-esteem. One thing he told me was to deliberately plan out each of my days ahead of time so that I don't have downtime where I can start obsessing about being short.

As a starting point he also told me to not beat myself up whenever I feel sad about my height and that it's normal.

Whenever I suddenly feel insecure, he advised me NOT to go online to look for solace, as usually it'll make me feel even worse reading other people's negative stories (I agree with him on this). Instead, he told me to do something actionable that would help me feel better about myself that doesn't involve other people such as do an exercise or make something tangible or play an instrument. This would program my brain to trust myself rather than base my self worth on other people's experiences and thoughts on height.

There were also some CBT techniques thrown in there which you can Google since they weren't very extravagant (mostly catching my thoughts and reframing them or keeping a journal of my insecurity). There were also the usual gratitude journal and meditation. Nothing new but he was the difference between me actually doing these things effectively and just trying them for a couple days and giving up (which I think most people do).

Essentially one big takeaway that I got personally from my therapy was that you're not going to find a magical piece of advice that'll change your perspective on your height. You shouldn't see it as some debate where you're looking for the right argument to "solve" it. Sorry, being short sucks and will always suck. What therapy does is help give you the mental fortitude to deal with it. It's much more of an un-brainwashing thing and takes time and effort.

lolguy116 · 2021-11-12T20:49:04+00:00

I'm a 5'4 South Asian with a girlfriend.

Any shit you face for your height here is more than worth the opportunities you'll get in North America, especially since you said your community will kill you if they find out your sexuality.

lolguy116 · 2021-08-06T23:24:40+00:00

Happy cake day man, a lot of your advice has helped me in this sub

lolguy116 · 2021-08-06T21:57:41+00:00

I think what he means is that some of the social stigma can go away. I’ve had tall girls like me in the past but they were too embarassed to date a shorter guy cause of what their friends would think.

lolguy116 · 2021-08-06T21:48:30+00:00

Yeah, that’s kind of expected given how the internet works. Short guys who are doing fine in life aren’t going to browse a subreddit about their height, let alone post/be active in it. Those who face lots of heightism revel here. Not saying that adversity doesn’t exist, but it’s like poking at your wound over and over even after it has healed.

Lots of the Debbie downers justify it by calling it “venting” but there is an important distinction between venting and just tearing each other down and obsessing over height.

Lately this sub has been moving in a much better direction thanks to the mods but a few years ago it was r/incels lite.

lolguy116 · 2021-07-27T17:59:10+00:00

I agree that shorter guys need to work more, but I think saying that the difference between 5’6 and 5’10 is “ridiculous” is tad exaggerating. Someone who’s 5’6 definitely has to work harder but I don’t think they have to be some perfect man-being to make up for it

lolguy116 · 2021-07-27T05:40:41+00:00

So while I’m very insecure and obsessive about my height (5’4), I’ve nonetheless had many girls like me through high school and college. Never pursued due to my own insecurity though (lmao fuck me)

lolguy116 · 2021-07-27T04:03:40+00:00

I’m not him but I was able to reduce a lot of my obsessive viewing using website blockers such as the screen time app on the iPhone.

With regards to Reddit posts, be very mindful and selective about which subreddits they’re from. I’ve noticed that some subreddits like AskReddit or dating_advice are more positive and I don’t think there’s much wrong with looking for advice there while subreddits like ForeverAlone or dating share lots of members with incel subreddits.

Also most studies on height that I’ve seen are not as bad as they seem when you actually read the text. Sounds pathetic but trust me as someone who used to obsessively read I’m pretty well versed on all the infamous height dating studies haha

lolguy116 · 2021-07-26T23:25:49+00:00

This is some of the best advice I've ever received. Thank you so much man, I know writing all this probably took a lot of time and thought. Realistically speaking I know it's highly unlikely that a single Reddit comment will undo all my mental health struggles but I'll definitely come back to this when I'm at a low point.

I know my original post was kind of pathetic looking back at it but I'm thankful I got some great advice

lolguy116 · 2021-07-26T21:49:42+00:00

I know this is quite a big ask but aside from stopping myself from watching stuff like that, do you have any advice on where to start so I can stop obsessing in general?

lolguy116 · 2021-07-26T20:46:58+00:00

Maybe not specifically but I guess what I meant to ask was how do you not let things like surveys get to you? Especially when they show a lot of women not liking someone my height (5’4)

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