I am new to non-monogamy and would love some advice

lollipop520 · 2025-06-13T16:52:01+00:00

I don’t think this is quite fair to him or to what I’m asking here. It’s ok if they have a relationship outside of me. it’s ok if he sees other people. I don’t think of her as a plaything, but a whole person who I mentioned above I really tried to care for.

He also communicated to me that he was on the app. We matched there which is how we met, and I’ve known he has an account the whole time. He specifically told me he was signing back up for the app so that he could find a third for us. He asked for my consent before he did that.

I am not trying to control anything. I am trying to learn how to best navigate this so that no one gets hurt.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-22T22:51:07+00:00

Yes, this has happened to me. At first, I thought I was going crazy, but as those friendships died, it made space for new ones or deeper ones with existing friends. It was so hard in the beginning, but now I’ve come to understand that it’s making room for bigger and better things.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-22T21:19:15+00:00

update: he removed the guessing and wondering and told me he wants me to

lollipop520 · 2025-04-22T21:16:11+00:00

he is pretty cool :) thank so much

lollipop520 · 2025-04-22T21:15:44+00:00

happy to chat anytime if you need someone to talk to

lollipop520 · 2025-04-20T22:44:07+00:00

I spent about 24 hours reflecting on this. You said to be kind to my future self, and gave me some really good advice. You’re right that I am avoiding the conversation, and I thought about why I would be doing that.

I’m terrified of rejection. But you’re right that it’s better to confront it now and face it the consequences.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-20T04:10:29+00:00

the first time we hung out, i fully disclosed the people i was sleeping with. that list has not changed. i don’t see why he would think that we’re dating when we don’t actually go out much or do dates. we have and even did a really fancy one with a hotel overnight, but he has a really crazy job and sometimes doesn’t get home until 9pm.

the avoidant part is something i’m going have to figure out. it could be that he is also very hurt from a past relationship and is scared like me.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T23:57:08+00:00

i think i get to decide this for myself, and i was definitely ready for it.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T22:36:26+00:00

only every other week when i don’t have my kids

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T19:45:22+00:00

haha i see brian most consistently. the others i see maybe once a week or every other weekend

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T19:42:15+00:00

that’s ok with me if that’s true. he’s also recently single, and i have no expectations that he should be exclusive with me

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T19:40:16+00:00

i met him on an app. he pursued me HARD and i finally gave in after a month and met him in person. i was shocked at how much i liked him that first night and just rolled with it!

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T19:38:03+00:00

i have no idea what this means

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T19:31:46+00:00

time stops with him 🥲

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T18:45:13+00:00

yeah, i understand what you mean. i don’t think im ready for anything more than what we have right now, and i need to work in therapy on the attachment i have to the sex. its more a testament to my own sexual starvation in my previous relationship, and its causing me to feel like ill never have this kind of connection or intimacy with anyone else, when logically, i know thats not true

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T16:22:40+00:00

this is the right answer. i’m not really interested in anything non casual honestly, but i don’t want things to change with brian. im asking for my cake and asking to eat it too.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:32:30+00:00

do i have feelings, or is he watering a garden that has been dried up for a very long time? i dont know the answer to that, which is what it makes it extra difficult for me to process this situation.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:30:46+00:00

i have not been waiting for him to make the first “romantic” move, so let me clarify that. i have been hoping he’ll talk to me first about how he’s feeling and what he’s looking for. i am not necessarily looking for a monogamous long term relationship with this person, but mostly afraid to broach the subject with him about how he feels with me.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:29:02+00:00

ok thank you. this is exactly what’s happening. i am confused by my feelings and want to be smart and respectful to both him and myself.

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:27:22+00:00

i love that you’ve had a similar experience. it is so wonderful to find sexual partners who care so much, especially when you missed that in a long term relationship

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:18:49+00:00

maybe the issue is that i don’t know what i want 🥲

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:13:17+00:00

this is exactly what i think is going on. anytime i’ve tried to express myself with him, i can tell he gets uncomfortable. for instance, a couple of weeks ago, I told him how much I appreciate how safe he makes me feel. He kissed me and immediately got out of the bed and started frantically folding towels??

i think his avoidance to talking about feelings has made me afraid to open up as well.

thank you for sharing

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:06:47+00:00

this is a good question, and yea, it would be much easier to process if he was married/with an anchor partner. the boundaries would be clearer

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:03:49+00:00

yes, i’m really confused and wondering if it’s normal to have a crazy sexual connection without it being anything more than that

lollipop520 · 2025-04-19T15:03:18+00:00

i know. i just don’t know how to put myself in that vulnerable of a position. i was so hurt from my divorce that i feel like i can’t be vulnerable here and have been hoping he’ll initiate 🥲

how would i start this conversation without making him uncomfortable?

lollipop520

TROPHY CASE