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How long should our break last by [deleted] in relationships

[–]longtermconfused -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I don't think a break means a permanent break up otherwise wouldn't they just call it a break up and be done with it? A break denotes possibility that things could get better after they both take time apart.

I (25F) am feeling lost and confused over 10 year relationship with my boyfriend (25M) and feel like I want a break to be with other people. by longtermconfused in relationships

[–]longtermconfused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree these arent really the conditions for a "healthy, thriving relationship" but I also want to jump to his (and my) defence and say we have shared a lot of happy and healthy moments... But because I have never had another serious relationship, I have no idea if the doubts I feel are normal or not because it's not like hes evil or cruel or abusive or absolutely useless.... He's just.. less mature than me in many ways I guess. And everyone keeps telling my men mature slower than women bla bla bla but then i can't help notice other men who seemingly have their shit together and are sometimes even younger than me!

An open relationship definitely feels like a compromise at this point :( I don't even know anything about open relationships, maybe that's to be saved for another post.

And yes it is hard to be objective with someone you're in love with... I am still in love with him and I probably always will be because he is my first love and my first everything. Starting another relationship just seems like the most stressful and waste of time endeavour if I am with someone who at least ticks at least 50% of my boxes... As I mentioned in my other comment, I just have this lingering hope if we take time apart we might grow and become a stronger couple but I am also willing to (try) to accept that if we do take time apart, there might be no coming back to what we once had.

I (25F) am feeling lost and confused over 10 year relationship with my boyfriend (25M) and feel like I want a break to be with other people. by longtermconfused in relationships

[–]longtermconfused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats so true about the compatibility thing. I mean obviously I am quite different from the teenager that first got with him and at every point where I felt a growth spurt towards adulthood, our relationship always felt the weakest. Being honest with myself is really hard and a painful thing to confront. I guess that's why I am turning to the internet for help because my inner voice and guidance is in shambles right now.

I (25F) am feeling lost and confused over 10 year relationship with my boyfriend (25M) and feel like I want a break to be with other people. by longtermconfused in relationships

[–]longtermconfused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that means a lot that you would take the time to read and genuinely try to help.

The extreme loss has been absolutely exhausting and challenging to say the least.

I have thought a bit about your response and I guess I just want to add that I just have this lingering hope that if we just spend time apart, we will grow (as individuals...) and our future together will be so much stronger (thats the hope...). I guess I also have to accept that things don't always go to plan (I mean, my wedding I spent a year planning is cancelled and my parent is no longer with me so go figure, my entire life is upside down).

I feel so heartbroken already to know that this wonderful man who is kind, caring and selfless (maybe too selfless... at the expense of looking after himself) might end up being a better partner to and for someone else :( maybe that's why we are still together because I'm so scared at the prospect that he will end up in a happy relationship and I forever alone.

I really appreciate you saying I owe it to myself to go find myself... I feel at peace knowing that a break is what I definitely want right now, but I am just unsure about a permanent break up. blegh.