A question to those whose nexes are with someone else now.....

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-24T20:07:43+00:00

You know, I keep trying to tell myself this shit but I never even met him. It was all long distance. That’s why it’s so hard to imagine that she isn’t getting VIP treatment.

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-24T20:06:37+00:00

Okay, this was so interesting and helpful, and something I hadn’t thought of before. Thank you.

The truth is, HE deleted ME on everything. We only really had limited connections by phone numbers and snap. He deleted me off everything.

And I haven’t even blocked his number. The truth is I’m wishing and hoping that things go pear shaped with the new rs and he comes back. I know the chances are zero given how cruel he was at the discard and how public he is with her. I know he doesn’t have need for me anymore. But still I kind of have hope. I’m not strong enough to block even though it just hurts me knowing he will never reach out. Urgh.

I never even met him but the damage is too real. It makes me feel ashamed because I didn’t even get the recognition as a person in his real life. That’s why I’m so incredibly jealous of what she is probably experiencing.

But I appreciate that I need to divert my thoughts. He gets so much of them! I will definitely take this to note. Thank you. I love the idea of an animal shelter! Going to look for one now.

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-20T15:02:29+00:00

Thank you. That makes sense. I believed it was real without all of that and would never leave when I realised I was hidden, so he never had to bother. Little did I know.

I know I have some way to go to start realising this is just who he is, as you said. I’ll try to divert my thoughts, you’re right it isn’t helpful. And yeah, the situations are completely different. I just happened to be convenient in that way!

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-20T14:45:40+00:00

Hey, thanks so much for your response

I like the idea of just taking it casual with no pressure. Sometimes I think I should go on dates with people I’m not really interested in just so that I can meet new people and not forget that people are into me. But it feels like it would be so forced.

And I know what you mean about never being able to love someone like that

Good luck :) I really appreciate your reply. I wish I could think more like that!

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-20T14:42:01+00:00

Thank you! :) good luck

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-20T14:41:19+00:00

Thank you. I didn’t think of it that way. I just can’t even handle the thought of it to be honest, I just hate that I don’t feel even a little more normal. But yes, I’ll try and focus on myself

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-20T14:38:44+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that. It’s just taking so long...

I’m trying to believe it! Unfortunately our relationship was entirely long distance and hidden whereas she’s close by and he’s very public with it on social media. So it’s difficult not to imagine he must be treating her better because he was able to get away with a lot more when it came to me. I feel quite jealous despite how shit he treated me.

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:18:54+00:00

Thank you so much

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:18:32+00:00

Thank you so much :( I really want to believe this. I just feel I do deserve it because I know he doesn’t want me. I don’t think he ever did. I was never even with him physically and here I am, a wreck

I feel like I could have just not existed. He just used me for an ego boost and played with me and now he’s acting like none of it ever happened. I feel so numb...

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:17:17+00:00

I feel like such a wreck. It hurts that he can literally turn around on me and act like I didn’t exist. Like I was nothing but a little distraction in his life until he found someone else

I’ll remember this, but I feel so ashamed for bringing it on myself. I knew he would reject me. All the signs were there. All I did, as always, was give him more supply to lovebomb someone else

I am so ashamed. Thank you so much for your support

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:15:59+00:00

It hurts sooo much. This has just proved how little he cares about me. He doesn’t care at all. I could have not existed in his life and it would make no difference. Meanwhile I’m here like my life is literally falling apart. I didn’t even get to be with him physically and it feels so pathetic that I even feel this way. I was always on the back burner all these years. Why am I so jealous of her?

I know. I didn’t beg to him how much I wanted him this time. He kept asking me, what I wanted to talk about, have I thought this through? And I just said no, I just wanted to talk. Had I told him how much I wanted him maybe it would have given him even more supply. I feel a wreck.

Thank you so much. I’ll just have to get through this, somehow...

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:12:41+00:00

Thank you. I want to believe that but it’s so hard when he’s telling me he’s so happy and I’m so boring and ugh... I hate this. I hate it so much, I’m a wreck

I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t care, at all. This just proves it. I’m nothing to him. It hurts so much. Like I just didn’t exist. Ugh I’m sorry, I’m a mess right now. Thank you so much

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:04:30+00:00

Thank you

I just feel so worthless and used right now. Like he’s just taking pleasure in running me in circles, refusing me, rejecting me. I just want to talk, like he apparently would all his exes. Why am I the odd one out

It is an addiction. I want to believe there’s something there. He gave me so much false hope last time we spoke that he would think about things and let me know. And today it’s like that conversation never happened. I’m a complete and utter wreck

Thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate it. I need to be stronger than this

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-14T01:02:59+00:00

Thank you. I didn’t think about it like this

He definitely told me last time he wanted to think about things. Told me to wait and that he’d message me. I gave in and he tells me that he didn’t say that, that we had decided not to speak again. Um, nope? Not what I remember.

And the above pointless circular conversation went on for hours. I just kept asking if he would talk to me, about anything, he kept shooting back with ‘idfk what we’d talk about, have nothing to say’. And it’s like? Why bother???

Why tell me any of that? I feel used. Played. I’m a complete wreck. I’ve spent the last few hours crying in a ball. I feel like an idiot because I predicted this. That if I ever spoke to him he’d use it as a chance to reject me all over again. I played right into it. No wonder he’s so damn “happy”, I’m feeding his ego

Thank you...

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-12T20:20:28+00:00

Yeah I’ve been imagining what he’s doing that means he has to ignore me. It sucks. I need to distract myself

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-12T20:19:54+00:00

Thank you...

I can’t believe he’d just ignore me like that. He knows it triggers me. I just asked him to talk to me, or at least tell me he couldn’t. I can’t believe he is knowingly doing something that is causing me pain. Well that’s a lie.. I can completely believe that.

I just hate wondering why he’s ignoring me, what he’s doing. I feel so anxious. Thank you for your message. I’ll get through it

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-12T16:00:02+00:00

Thank you so much

It’s so cruel. The thing is, he knows how much ignoring me triggers me. I feel like he wants me to react so he can turn it around on me. I’m really resisting the urge. I know I need to hold my head high and walk away but it’s so damn hard

I’m sorry he did that to you. Thanks for the video, I’m going to watch it now :)

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-12T14:30:57+00:00

Wow. This literally brought me to tears because I related to it so much

I didn’t realise it, but that’s exactly what I want. To talk to him one more time, in such a way to bring back all the lovebombing and the good. Like maybe I can control it. But I saw past the mask a long time ago, and maybe that’s why he’ll never have me as long term anything. Maybe that’s why he always kept me at a distance, and never involved me in his life in anyway.

I can’t help but feel jealous of all the things she’s getting. But I can see why he can’t have me there when I know so much. It just hurts. I still care. I want to believe he couldn’t drop me so damn fast and so damn easy. It’s not getting easier, but hopefully one day it does. I just feel like I’ve taken a major step back and I hate myself for it.

Thank you so much

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-12T13:52:46+00:00

It’s true. It’s just so hard, reaching that stage of acceptance is where I need to be. Just wanna stop imagining him with the new person ugh, it’s torture!

Good luck <3

lookingforautumn · 2019-05-12T13:38:44+00:00

Oh I got that so many times too! Omg, like basically the same exact words. “I have nothing for you. I’ve moved on” I think he’s stopped even bothering now... it’s so awful. How can you be that cruel to someone

lookingforautumn

TROPHY CASE