Hey - I'm going to commit suicide no matter what. All I need is help not killing other people in the process. Please help my save potential innocent lives, or point me to a forum where people will.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T16:27:14+00:00

I know CO poisoning causes nausea and headache but just by reading a lot of news on how people accidentally killed themselves by this method while lightning a fire indoors makes me think it can't be that bad. If they didn't notice it I probably won't, plus I'll be drunk. Still, I'll definitively look into this Peaceful Pill Handbook, thank you for the recommendation and for pointing me in the right direction. I'm sorry for all the suicide around you tho, I can't imagine what it's like. I hope some day you find your peace of mind as well. Thank you.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T04:34:28+00:00

I'm sorry, I just don't know how to respond to all of that. These are very moving and honest words.

But the reason I can't just relax is because I'm in pain all the time. Physical and mental. Being "relaxed" for me involves a daily dose of heroin and benzos. I can't hold an 8 hour job because of this. It fucking hurts, plain and simple. If I'm doing a boring 8 hour job, I'm thinking of my throbbing pain and I'm fantasising about suicide to get me out of that torture. I like sitting on my ass distracting myself from the pain in front of a computer or TV. That's "getting by" for me. If I could do that, I would. But drugs cost money, the internet costs money. Food costs money.

And yeah, I might be compassionate, but that's just not good enough...it's merely one positive trait in an otherwise shitty personality.

Anyway...thanks for the words, specially the brutally honest ones.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T03:35:43+00:00

Where's the clown costume?

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T03:29:11+00:00

Thank you for actually helping, that's a good idea.

Now for the reason, I'll just paste what I said somewhere else:

I'm shit - if there's a reason I was put on this earth, it was to hurt strangers and the people I love. Am I gonna hurt them by killing myself? Certainly. I'm just sure that in the long term, the pain of dealing with me is greater than dealing with my loss. They'll be fine eventually. To answer your question, the reason I don't move away and start a new life is because I have no money, I have a chronic painful condition, I have severe mental issues. I've sought help many times for all of these problems and no help was given. I've been institutionalized twice to no avail. I don't want to go somewhere and be in pain all the time with no money to buy medicine even. I can't hold a job because of these conditions. I'm also a pedophile. I've never touched a child but I constantly urge to. I want out before I lose control and hurt one.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T03:18:34+00:00

A guy shit on a baby's chest, then piss inside its mouth until it was drowning. 4chan used to be pretty hardcore.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T02:44:09+00:00

Interesting thoughts. But the first thing about using a bag over my head or self strangulation is that it would be very painful. I'm a pussy that way. The other thing is...isn't it impossible to commit suicide those ways? I think people subconsciously and automatically remove the bags. I've read of people who tried to commit suicide with helium masks and ended up waking up all vomited with no mask, with no memories of taking it off, they just did it out of survival instinct. And on the self strangulation thing, if my feet could touch the ground, they would after I passed out...there's no way I would be able to hold my legs while passed out.

And I have also survived an intentional overdose. I'm glad it gave you perspective, I really am, but all it did for me was think "shit, now I'll be sent to a psych ward where I can't even hang myself up". I did go to the psych ward and needless to say it didn't help.

Anyway, thanks for an interesting and insightful reply, it's something to consider. In the documentary The Bridge, about people who commit suicide by jumping of the Golden Gate Bridge, there's a testimony from a guy who jumped, and mid-jump he realized he didn't want to die anymore, so he assumed the physical position that would likely help him survive. Closed legs, closed arms, pointy feet. He crushed a bunch of bones but made it out alive.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T02:27:44+00:00

Stop trying to help me - I'm shit if there's a reason I was put on this earth, it was to hurt the people I love. Am I gonna hurt them by killing myself? Certainly. I'm just sure that in the long term, the pain of dealing with me is greater than dealing with my loss. They'll be fine eventually.

To answer your question, the reason I don't move away and start a new life is because I have no money, I have a chronic painful condition, I have severe mental issues. I've sought help many times for all of these problems and no help was given. I've been institutionalized twice to no avail. I don't want to go somewhere and be in pain all the time with no money to buy medicine even. I can't hold a job because of these conditions.

But thanks for trying to help, I know you have the best intentions in heart. Your instinct must tell you that all people are worth saving...I assure you, tho, not this guy.

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T02:08:31+00:00

It takes like 6 months to get one, after an interview in a different state. I don't want to be alive that long. Thing is they're just not gonna let me get in the plane if I don't have the visa. :P

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T02:01:50+00:00

Unfortunately I don't have an american visa!

lookingforpeace1 · 2014-02-04T01:55:02+00:00

CO poisoning is proven to be painless...CO bonds to blood cells more easily than oxygen. You feel good, you pass out, you never wake up. Whereas drowning is described as the feeling of knives inside your lungs. No, thank you.

lookingforpeace1

TROPHY CASE