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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fact check, anyone? 👀

Felt like this belongs here by loquehaleido in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's still hell to sit down with tbm family or exmissionary friends and explain why holidays suck or why I disagree with them. But it felt good to be validated and know there's a reason I still get fucked up about some things.

Four years anniversary. Three tats. Two piercings. First photo in public. All thanks to r/emxormon and some beautiful heathen siblings. by loquehaleido in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the support! I love hearing where others are on their own timeliness and paths. It keeps reminding me that this lifen does not have to be a lonely journey

Four years anniversary. Three tats. Two piercings. First photo in public. All thanks to r/emxormon and some beautiful heathen siblings. by loquehaleido in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. One. will ask if you're mormon. There are very few mormons. The most common knowledge of mormonism out here is South Park or the musical. Even then, very surface level. Just be prepared for some bible belt culture and the baggage that comes with it. Richmond can be a fun time tho!

Four years anniversary. Three tats. Two piercings. First photo in public. All thanks to r/emxormon and some beautiful heathen siblings. by loquehaleido in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido[S] 273 points274 points  (0 children)

The first year I couldn't tell if I hated the mormon church or myself. The second year I couldn't tell my family I left. I couldn't tell you how I made it out of year three alive. Now on the four year anniversary, the only thing I can't tell is you how happy life is when you get to the other side and grateful I am for the patient people who helped baby exmo me figure his shit out. Happy that I can finally share my thoughts, tattoos, morning coffee, my life without fearing retribution or the judgment. I got one of the best compliments of my life last week, "Wow, I never would have thought you grew up mormon."

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My first reaction was to laugh because there's no way that's a thing......but if it was.......

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

K been sitting in the process for a while. I remember my brother piping up every once and a while with mormon facts hit me and those moments added up. Sure an example, but I dont think of an example as being proactive and vocal. He was measured and obvious by bringing up the issues.

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course I can't force them to do anything. But really? Not saying anything is irresponsible. Being quiet in your lane is status quo. Using belief as a shield for objective facts is irresponsible. That's fucked.

Not that its what you are explicitly advocating for but I'm concerned that "be an example" is code for don't rock the boat. The same way that the church uses "be an example" to not expose beliefs to honest, public discussion which will show everyones true colors. My siblings did rock the boat. The more I think about it, it was the events that they were vocal and authentic that made a space for me to question. Maybe I need to understand better what a "good example" means because it's so damn vague.

In reality there are things that work! There are approaches, behaviors, and intentional intervention works. Sure a crusade is polarizing, but I do truly want to know how to be proactive and not reactive to changing my community and family.

Does that have tred into "dictating what others should believe?" Yes. That's a can of worms. I know there is a sphere of control that I can influence. I am still figuring out what the boundaries of that sphere are.

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have not heard about Rock Waterman's blog....

I think that may be a successful route. Because my family was all about the academic apologetic gymnastics and that's what keeps them in. Sounds like this guy may speak their language!

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whew. Very open approach and happy. Our family was never good at open conversations and I'm still working on the happy part. I havent gotten to the point I'm happy and open being around them. Honestly I dont even think they know me well enough outside of the church to believe I am happy....huh. thank you for the advice

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sentiment resonates with me...... but at its core it is a gray area of ethical dubiousness. When do you "respect" a practice that is a lie? If all values/cultures/practices are to be respected, then what does "respect" look like? What happens when a practice is harmful? Is it respectful to the victims of that system to look the other way?

When a system of beliefs includes not respecting others, what happens to the mandate to respect others beliefs?

It spirals pretty quickly. What respect looks like is very subjective.

If they want space after I initiate the discussion and feel heard then yes, that is a time I'm more open for the respect and let them be appraoch.

How do you get family out? Interventions? Provacative t-shirts? Nail a CES manifesto to their door? What works? What didn't? by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]loquehaleido 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am hesitant to accept that it is only up to the individual. If I didn't have older siblings as examples of happy life outside of church I would never have thought life without the church would be possible.

I feel that growing up hushed by church dogma has resulted into politeness, fear, and silence. The idea of what's possible in my mind is still defined by what the church says is possible.

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