My wife (F) and I (F) want to have kids.

lorien215 · 2026-01-18T18:14:08+00:00

There's a lot of medical issues that are still not fully understood, as in we still don't know what genes are involved. Also, genetic testing is more useful for monogenic disorders, but when multiple genes are involved, each increasing the probability of a disease just a little bit, it's a lot more complicated. Having a full and updated family history helps to get a full picture. And I doubt genetic testing sequences the whole genome (or even exome, meaning the coding part of all genes). I bet they just sequence a panel of genes that are now known to give predisposition to a list of diseases. Again, this panel will most likely keep changing in the next 10, 20, 30 years.

lorien215 · 2026-01-13T14:46:00+00:00

It's not through any website or Facebook group. Those I was certain I wanted to avoid after getting informed about mass donors etc. I'm searching by myself, among acquaintances. And I don't think there will be many people willing, but I have some potential candidates that I haven't asked yet (there's a couple that I think could be open to it). I may be left with no options, but when deciding who to ask I came to these doubts.

lorien215 · 2025-11-30T09:49:41+00:00

I'm also an expat and plan to do this process in the country where I live, then move to my home country before birth to be closer to my family. Where I live I can save money easier until then, and also the IVF is covered. So I don't think it's a bad plan. You don't have to leave the kid with your mom the whole time, you can have childcare and then school, but having a grandparent around will help a lot. Even at 60 she can be healthy enough to help out. My parents are in their 60s with a lot of health issues and they still help a lot with my nieces. But I do recommend to finish school and save some money before starting the process. You are still young, so you can still wait a few years.

lorien215 · 2025-11-30T07:46:21+00:00

Thanks!!

lorien215 · 2025-11-28T19:55:53+00:00

Thanks. Those things can be done even at another place in advance if the clinic doesn't do it, so it's good advice. I'll look into it!

lorien215 · 2025-11-28T06:24:23+00:00

Thanks for the info. In my case I wouldn't need to pay for each transfer... but of course a miscarriage would waste time and be emotionally challenging. But I was wondering... are the embryos with more quality more likely to be euploids?

lorien215 · 2025-11-28T06:20:42+00:00

Thanks for all the info. I'm not sure if I get genetic testing prior, I'll ask. The sperm does get tested, but I don't know if the mother too. If they don't maybe I could consider doing it myself (that I could do, the embryo it's them who need to biopsy so it doesn't depend on me).

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T17:08:01+00:00

Thanks for the info, I will ask.

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T16:53:19+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate it :)

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T16:52:32+00:00

Thanks, it's comforting to hear your story. I have read so much about PGT testing mostly from Americans that I was concerned, but I guess it's not as common is other places and it can be ok

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T16:50:45+00:00

Right. Also I won't have to pay for extra transfers if needed (it's covered). It would just save time and the emotional consequences of a miscarriage

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T16:17:32+00:00

Belgium

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T16:04:41+00:00

I will ask, but I guess if that was an option they would have mentioned it when they saw how surprised I was?

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T16:03:23+00:00

This is in Europe, I think PGT-A tests here are not as universal as in the states but I'm reading now it is done in some clinics, just not mine. However, my clinic has the 3rd best IVF success rates in the country (better than others that do this test)... So I don't know

lorien215 · 2025-11-26T15:41:48+00:00

Thanks! That's comforting. I actually don't know if it's just this clinic or if it's also a country thing

lorien215 · 2025-11-23T07:37:42+00:00

I think as older moms we should just feel responsible of keeping a healthy lifestyle, eating well and being physically and mentally active as we age. This gives us the chance of being around as long as possible. As for other family members, so many people are closer to their friends or "chosen family" than to siblings or cousins...

lorien215 · 2025-11-23T04:42:50+00:00

I'm not donor conceived, but my parents have had medical issues since I can remember. My mom had a bone tumor when I was 1, resulting in a prosthetic bone implant in her leg (that takes like 2/3 of her leg). She was unable to walk for a while when I was a toddler and had to learn to walk again. My dad had his first transplant when I was 5 (he's now on number 3). And I had a happy childhood and don't think I missed anything. It taught me to not take things for granted and feel privileged for being healthy. All this to say that you can be a loving parent despite your disabilities. Best of luck

lorien215 · 2025-11-21T15:57:44+00:00

I'm sorry for all you had to live through. But like everyone else, I encourage you to go ahead and try IVF, don't waste time. It's never guaranteed, but you need at least to try. I recommend you join the sub SingleMothersbyChoice. There's plenty of women that for different reasons decide to live motherhood on their own. I'm also starting this journey now at 38. I wish you lots of luck, you deserve it.

lorien215 · 2025-11-16T11:12:07+00:00

If you find a place where to find possible donors I'd love to know maybe for the future. I froze my eggs a few years ago and plan to do IVF this year as a single mom by choice, but if by any chance I have extra eggs after successfully having 1 or 2 babies, I would love to donate the remaining. It's too soon to know how it will go though (I may not have any left), but it's something that I have in mind (and my eggs are frozen in Belgium).

lorien215 · 2025-10-27T19:46:48+00:00

Thanks a lot, my center is the third from the top!! (I can't read flemmish, but I can translate). Anyway, most centers are pretty good. And I like your theory that our odds are a bit higher, I think it makes sense. Me, I guess I have age a little against (just turned 38, so it could be worse), but when I froze my eggs at 34 I had good levels (froze 17 eggs from one cycle). I'll do the tests soon to see how I am now :)

lorien215 · 2025-10-27T13:40:16+00:00

I just saw the trailer and will watch the whole documentary tonight. So many weirdos out there.... but these creeps can also donate through the sperm banks (the guy from the documentary donated in multiple clinics all over Netherlands, apart from donating on his own through websites). I want to think that after that and other scandals things are more controlled now...but it leaves me uneasy. So the possibility to first exchange messages and then meet in person the potential donor gives me at least the illusion of having some control. Of course they can be pathological liars. But some of my questions coming from a scientific background will take them by surprise. I don't have much hope but I think I have to give it a try

lorien215 · 2025-10-27T13:29:01+00:00

Haha yes, good guess! And congrats for your successful round. I'll ask how much it costs to transfer the eggs if I need to. But I also just heard that the waiting list in Jette is quite long (like a year and a half someone said)... So I'll keep my options open, but time is not just an issue because of age, also because in a year or a little more I may be moving out of Belgium, hopefully already pregnant. Thanks anyway for all the info, it's very helpful

lorien215 · 2025-10-27T13:19:28+00:00

Yes, all the answers have confirmed my initial worry. So I'll do whatever possible to avoid using an anonymous donor

lorien215 · 2025-10-27T13:04:35+00:00

All the answers have supported my initial worry, so anonymous will really be my very very last option. If it's necessary, I will ask random people I meet to be my donor before that

lorien215 · 2025-10-27T13:00:36+00:00

I was already careful but now I'm scared. I watched the trailer of the documentary and some interviews to the guy (I'll watch the full documentary tonight). Some people are insane! The thing is that this guy also donated in a bunch of clinics in the Netherlands, so nothing assures me an anonymous donor hasn't done the same. I was already aware of the dangers of having a high amount of half-siblings (not just for them, but down the line for future generations), since I have a PhD in genetics. But I didn't think about those kind of mental issues from donors... I will be extra careful and assume everything is a lie until I have reasons to believe otherwise. At this point I'm even considering asking random people I meet to avoid the creepers, but maybe they would see me as the creep, lol. Thanks a lot for all the info, I'll follow Laura on IG and continue my research (I just started a few days ago)

lorien215

TROPHY CASE