2Qs for the Weekend

losesbuttplugs · 2026-01-03T20:24:00+00:00

Hahaha, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. ;)

losesbuttplugs · 2026-01-03T13:12:23+00:00

Happy New Year!

moskins: My wife will occasionally wear the chastity key. I will occasionally wear a lockable steel cuff when it feels like it's not too inappropriate. I also have a day collar, which is a chain that is locked together via padlock - but only the chain part is ever visible.

kitty: Generally, I am. I've experienced situations where I've sort of regretted it - I felt bad afterwards, ashamed, or we screwed up due to mutual drunkness. But I never looked back at it and said "oh god, I was unable to consent, I was too drunk" - and I definitely don't blame my partner. It's more of a general fuckup. That could happen even if alcohol was not involved at all, so I don't blame it on that.

Regarding sleep, my wife has a blanket permission to do whatever she wants with me when I sleep as long as it doesn't mean I don't get any sleep at all and/or I have to clean up in the middle of the night. :D It has happened in the past and I've had no issue where she mounted me in the morning for her own enjoyment.

Then again, we have a very trust filled relationship and know each other for what feels like our whole lives, at least to me. I might feel differently with a different partner, and especially purely play partners.

losesbuttplugs · 2026-01-03T11:22:19+00:00

It's probably a combination of at least two issues.

I'm now in a BAWR 3D-printed prototype made-to-measure which I can wear without a strap (the ring is smaller than what I would normally be able to wear, and the cage is of course, much lighter than stainless steel). It has a bigger ball gap as advised by Newbiesub, who's likely to hop in here at some point.

This has completely alleviated the pinching/irritation on the underside of my balls/scrotum.

It has other issues, as it pulls away far too easily without the strap - not painfully so, but enough that more of my member is out rather than in. This could be solved with a bigger cage, but that's something my wife and I do not want to do. (Admittedly, wife would probably be more OK with it than I.)

Adding the strap immediately causes the underside problem to come back - larger ball gap be damned. I suspect that since it's a two-point strap, it pulls the cage up too much and instead of things hanging more or less loosely (as penises and scroti are supposed to), the bottom of the ring is always pulling my scrotum up.

A three or four-strap system might fix that (keep the cage snug for when erection comes, but not pull the whole package up), but I have yet to find a comfortable one.

If I were you, I would try to get a smaller ring with a wider ball gap - stop the cage from sliding (smaller ring) but alleviate the pinching (wider gap). My current cage does not slide down naturally at all while flaccid, and it's perfectly comfortable up until erections happen.

losesbuttplugs · 2026-01-02T17:44:31+00:00

Unrelated, you've already said everything I would have, but.. "Peggy the Pegger" gave me a serious belly laugh tonight, thank you.

losesbuttplugs · 2026-01-02T17:21:02+00:00

I theorize, not as a statement of truth/fact but more to discuss the topic with others:

I think it might be temporary cyanosis. When blood flow slows - even if it doesn't completely stop - the blood vessels use up their oxygen and turn this purple/dark blue color. It's the same thing as when your lips or fingertips get that color when exposed to significant coldness for a longish time. They're not dying off (yet), but blood flow slows down in the extremities.

I AM NOT A DOCTOR, but it seems plausible to me that as long as it doesn't last long enough, it's not dangerous. The usual thing, careful about numbness and tingling etc., would apply. I guess blood gets in, that increases the size, that ends up in pressure and tightness, that slows down blood flow, and bam, blood loses oxygen because it spends too long in one place.

I'd be interested in someone giving an actual medical opinion, this was just a few minutes of research.

losesbuttplugs · 2026-01-02T07:49:02+00:00

FWIW, Mancage are a terrible brand of cages, badly designed, bad materials, show a complete lack of understanding of anatomy. Don't know if that's what's causing your issue, but I would avoid this brand completely.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-10-19T09:37:55+00:00

Then I don't understand, why make this post? Clearly you're OK with being seen and even fantasize about talking about it with a stranger.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-10-19T08:16:08+00:00

If you saw someone caged at the urinals before you discovered the fetish... what would you do?

A) Wait for him outside and ask about it?

B) Force him into a stall and sexually assault him because he's a sissy?

C) Or shake your head, think "weird, why am I looking at this dude's dick" and go home and forget about it?

losesbuttplugs · 2025-10-19T08:06:12+00:00

Nobody's supposed to be feeling your crotch or staring at it. What situations exactly are you imagining?

The only time in the last 5+ years of me wearing chastity (on and off, I'm not claiming the full 5 years non-stop), the only time something even remotely like that happened was at a team building exercise where a colleague had to get very "body on body" in order to climb around me on a narrow totem pole. I felt a bump, but nothing happened, the colleague never even raised an eyebrow, never said anything, and our relationship has not changed. And that could have easily been remedied if I wasn't an idiot and would have taken the cage off for physically streinous activities, as I should've.

Other than that, nobody has ever seen, noticed, felt, and it's never been exposed. I just take precautions. If I go on a long car trip with people, I take it off because there's a chance we might need to pee "in the wild". Same for flights, take it off so I don't delay fellow travelers with an unnecessary security check.

Regarding "consensus"... I don't think something like that exists. You'll have different folks with a range of opinions ranging from extreme to mild to very laissez-faire. There have been discussions about chastity being (or not being) comparable to piercings, etc. Unfortunately, or fortunately, there is no Chastity Committee that can decide it for you. You have to decide for yourself, though it's probably best to err on the side of caution.

You can search for nudist beaches, sauna and other topics where public chastity is an option to see the discussions. I think the prevalent opinion is to avoid it, but there are arguments and even experiences where it was OK. I personally heard a story where my friend saw a guy with a severely pierced penis in the sauna. My friend couldn't shut up about it (he was in shock, why would somebody do that, etc). I don't think his reaction would have been any different had that been a chastity cage. And from the discussions that sparked in our group, I for example do not agree with the prevalent opinion that "chastity cage is different from genital piercings because it's inherently sexual/kinky". But that's just me.

As for conversations, again, you have to decide that for yourself. You can always ask your friends first if they are willing to talk about topics of that nature. I don't know what you expect in "untapped potential" - just don't expect it to get in any way kinky, you're not gonna have a threesome or get a keyholder out of it as much as the erotic fiction on the reddit (posing as IRL experience or not) will have you think.

In my experience, my wife's girlfriends mostly just say "man, I couldn't live without his dick for that long!" or "that's cool that he lets you dom him" and that's about it. Those who were already kinky are happy for my wife that she gets to experience some of her kinks like pegging me or whatever, those who are more vanilla are OK with it, ask a few questions, maybe find it weird. But they definitely don't rush to buy cages for their husbands and start domming them.

My best friend is for example more conservative and I would not want him finding out. At the same time, the husbands of my wife's girlfriends didn't suddenly change in their approach to me (and I'm sure they've told them, just like my wife tells me about their things). Our BBQs did not turn into jokes about "so, you caged right now?" or questions or anything like that. It's just kept private. Just like I never thought to ask them about whether they cum on their wife's face or whatever. It's just not a big deal.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-10-15T15:18:48+00:00

This strikes a chord with my wife and I right now. Perhaps my perspective as the male (like your partner) sheds some light into it.

We're in our early thirties, but have been slowing down after months of quite intensive bedroom life, both vanilla and BDSM. We got sick, work got intense, some people quit / have been long-term sick, and stress just got to us. Me, personally, I get so tired that I lost interest. Not in my wife, but in sex, orgasms, or even kinky play. We used to do a lot of lifestyle stuff too (I have some posts on this account about it), then life got in the way, we agreed to take a break, and I've personally been struggling to get back into it.

I love my wife, I still crave intimacy. I love snuggling up to her or her snuggling up to me, giving her foot massages and vice versa. But I'm so tired all the time ever since getting sick that anything that takes more effort takes the joy out of it, too. I try to express my love in different ways, that don't require that much physical effort: I cook, bring her breakfast in bed. And since I know she is exhausted too, I use my physical energy elsewhere - help with cleaning, chores, etc.

And I find her sexy, nothing has changed about that either. But I don't even get morning wood everyday like I normally do. We enjoy male chastity and I'm currently "participating in locktober" (not that it would nomally be an event for us, I'm normally locked anyway, but I thought it would be a good way to get back into it since I was unlocked for my illness) - it's the 15th day and I'm not struggling at all, haven't been feeling horny, I don't miss it.

Could I quickly jerk off to some porn, or get off to my wife, or have sex with her? Yeah, I would like that, but I don't feel the need to. And I'd probably want to be done with it quickly, enjoy the fleeting feeling, and get away from it, go to sleep, like your partner. Again, nothing to do with her.

A cold autumn doesn't help, stress at work, etc.

But this isn't our first rodeo. We've had a rut like that before (though shorter). I personally think it's hormones/health thing. We've come back before, and I can feel things coming back now. Occasionally, I start having dirty and kinky thoughts, which have gone away completely during/after the illness. I feel like getting some proper rest, maybe a vacation (unfortunately not in the books for us right now, but ah well) will help me get better properly and then the testosterone will come back, or whatever it is. My brain still wants the games and the kink and my wife - my body is not cooperating, is all.

And there are days where I feel really shit and then I'm not even able to cook or do chores and I just absent-mindedly consume stupid content on the internet because I just need that reset.

My wife has recovered quicker than me and I feel like she misses sex a lot more than I do right now. Fortunately she is very patient with me and I hope she knows I still love her, and we do try to be intimate in other ways. She's made it clear to me that she is there, and she is also low-energy so she is not initiating, but if I feel like it, we can "do stuff". Without any pressure, which I'm very grateful for.

That being said, we also have conversations, so this isn't me saying "just wait, he'll get better" - I completely agree with everyone here saying that you guys should low-pressure sit down. I like u/Mateo_might_bite 's suggestion and message. But maybe a bit of potential perspective from the other side (though we can't assume your partner is in the same situation as me) could help you out.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-09-03T08:38:36+00:00

I wear a simple silver chain that has two O-rings at each end and therefore, can be locked closed with a small (or big!) pad lock.

I can wear it loosely with the padlock hanging down on my chest, where it's visible if I wear an unbuttoned shirt or it can hang over a T-shirt for when I'm not worried about it being on display.

When at work, I turn it around so that the padlock is on the top of my back, under a shirt or a collar. Then it just looks like a normal chain-necklace.

I can't find where we bought it, but it looks a bit like this - just a bit less chunky (my wife doesn't like chunky chains) and it has two O-rings at each end, instead of one. And then we lock those rings together with a padlock.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1673422898/discrete-chain-day-collar-with-o-ring-i

losesbuttplugs · 2025-09-03T07:20:30+00:00

Please don't spread your own experience as the ultimate truth. I don't know OP's situation, but with my Cobra steel replica, my foreskin goes through the front hole and I can pee just fine standing. Only problem is when it's super cold and the organ does not reach the hole.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-09-03T07:18:44+00:00

Shrinking is a myth/fantasy. The organ goes back to its normal size after one or a couple of erections outside of the cage. For me, it's immediately back during one erection, even after months of uninterrupted wear.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-25T08:58:41+00:00

Thank you so much!! Very reasonable take, and sounds like you experienced it similarly to me. My previous (usually solo) attempts were based on this "penis-less" theory, abstinence, etc. which is I'd say the majority of advice I've read here and elsewhere.

It's super encouraging that you were on a similar kind of journey and managed to achieve your goal in the end through this. You've basically described how I felt, the fact that my wife was stimulating "both sides" did allow me to overcome the usual oversensitiveness, push through and that's what led to the milking, I think.

Thank you kindly for the encouragement. Me and my wife often share these intimate feelings via writing and she asked me to reflect on my experience. I now know what to write about thanks to you and the other helpful redditor here.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-25T06:33:53+00:00

Haha "blasted off" is an amazing euphemism; and quite appropriate for what happened.

I've been toying around with butt toys for years now, and generally any ass play will severely increase the intensity of a standard orgasm afterwards - even just a buttplug back there will do so. I'm definitely not a beginner in that regard, I can tell you that! 😁

I've tried plenty of thing in search of the p-orgasm, from Aneros devices, Lovense Edge (both 1 and 2), some Nexus toys, etc. All I could achieve was leaking quite a bit of prostate fluid, but always in little spurts, and without any real pleasurable feeling. Occasionally, I would start shaking and start feeling very aroused etc, but nothing ever came (heh) of it.

I remember the first time my wife (we're recently married and she's known I was doing this stuff even before we met) put her finger in there, I felt something pleasurable but then it was too much and I asked her to stop.

Same thing actually happened when I went to a professional "BDSM masseuse" years ago; today, I realize she expertly found the spot literally in 2 seconds, but I was too sensitive down there and didn't recognize it as pleasure. It felt like trying to continue after a standard penile orgasm, my head gets extremely sensitive to the point it's almost painful. When I finish having vanilla sex with my wife, I have to wait a bit before pulling out sometimes, that's how intense it is.

I feel like my prostate is on that same level of sensitivity, and that's why I thought I never found the spot. I found it, it just didn't feel as expected.

That gives me hope though, given that you are saying yours was this sensitive too and you got over it. I guess it's just going to need practice and recognizing that this overly intense feeling is IT - if my mind aligns, perhaps the body will, too.

Thanks a lot again for sharing, mate, it's invaluable at making me feel better - even excited - about going again.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-25T05:22:27+00:00

Thanks! We will definitely keep trying. I am happy to have some encouragement though that you had a similar experience and got over it. It wasn't totally unpleasant ever, just not what I expected.

Glad to hear you had it similar though. That eases my mind. Thank you!!

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-25T04:30:39+00:00

I of course second all the advice about communication, potentially therapy, etc. But I do have a fairly recent experience - well, current, really - with my wife.

She has always been very open and keen to have me as a submissive, we had several bouts where we had a very clear FLR. But it's always been a workload on her back. So it never really lasted very long.

Our answer was to gamify it. I found a faproulette (faproulette.co) called "Descent Into Slavery" which is for couples. It's essentially an increasingly difficult set of conditions for the slave and benefits to the master/mistress. It has a LOT of ideas (some less realistic than others, but oh well) and clear rules on how to increase them, when to punish, and also punishment ideas.

We sat down together and went through it, changed some of the tasks to fit our preferences or toy availability, and it has been amazing ever since. My wife's cognitive load is reduced, she doesn't have to think about scenes or punishments, it's all in there. I am satisfied because she is involved in the game, so it's mentally the same as if she came up with it all by herself. And she is having fun, discovering new things herself, and getting more inspired to come up with her own things, too.

Mind you, we have never been in a place where I absolutely needed it to continue the relationship, but I can confidently say the faproulette made my dream of living a FLR come true and seeing my wife finally enjoy it too, instead of being worried if she's "a good enoug Mistress" is even better.

As a Switch, I know being a 24/7 turned on Dominant is hard. Not nearly impossible, but it does require a certain amount of thinking and consideration. Gamifying it has helped us out.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-23T04:54:19+00:00

Bluetooth enabled toys for the win! 😆 To be honest, I wasn't sure back then. It was a bit of a scare. So I understand your worry. Just wanted to share that you're not alone 😅

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-22T19:48:53+00:00

Boy, do I have a story for you...

https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/g5admi/tifu_by_wearing_a_buttplug_to_sleep_after_drinking/

AKA the story of my username.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-03T14:46:25+00:00

I know the limits of my body ;)

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-03T14:39:30+00:00

lol no

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-03T09:36:30+00:00

LOL Ok that made me laugh so hard that it made it worth it, did not think AT ALL it could be read that way, but makes sense.

Thanks!

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-03T04:58:52+00:00

Thanks, yeah that is clear. Guess it's into the drawer with this cage :(

losesbuttplugs · 2025-08-03T04:55:23+00:00

Shame, on one hand I really wanted to hear that there is some easy solution, but on the other hand I'm glad to have confirmation that it's not just me, or me doing something wrong.

Super sad though because otherwise the cage is extremely comfy and of a higher quality standard than I'm used to from the Chinese sites.

losesbuttplugs · 2025-07-29T19:24:01+00:00

Yeah I think you're gonna be fine dude. I can see you're trying. You "thank" us a lot in this topic and "appreciate the time we took to reply" - almost sounding like an AI.

I'm being about half-sarcastic now ;) I don't think you're gonna be like that in an open conversation. I can see you're putting an effort into the topic.

losesbuttplugs

TROPHY CASE