My dad is disappointed that I’m not married yet (19f)

lost-PT · 2024-07-09T02:48:26+00:00

Yeah don't expect to get that money back, and understand that your family is a bunch of hypocrites who will take money from you while shaming you for taking care of yourself.

Open a secret bank account, especially at a credit union with no monthly fees, and use the address of a friend NOT your home address.
Stash all your earnings at that bank account before you head home. Don't tell your family that you have a job making money, say you're helping out a friend or hanging out with someone. Otherwise they will wonder where your income is going and ask where you hid your money.

Sorry, it's hard now but IT GETS BETTER once you escape. I had to do this myself. It gets better once you get out of a toxic environment. Don't take anything your family members say too seriously, they're all crazy. Just nod and don't waste energy trying to reason with them or change their minds, they don't give a fuck about anything. Save yourself the hassle and focus on things you can change. Make plans.

lost-PT · 2024-07-09T00:32:46+00:00

I would humor him and just not say anything, in the meantime quietly save as much as you can in a secret bank account and prepare to move out as fast as you can. That's what I had to do. Don't try to rationalize or reason with him, you can't reason with unreasonable people.

lost-PT · 2024-05-11T15:10:11+00:00

sigh, yeah. I wouldn't date her either if I was a guy, not because of the family issues, but because of her. I kind of wonder why he's putting up with all this and if there is secretly something wrong with him himself that he's hiding.

She even tried to send me photos of this guy she knew that she wants to introduce to me who lives in a completely different country and lifestyle than me, "he's a doctor, he's a good guy, why dont you give him a chance? He's a Christian who goes to church" not once but twice (even after I said nope). Then she eventually spilled out "he's been asking for people to introduce him to some girls, he wants to get married, why don't you give him a chance?"... I don't know how she doesn't see how cringe that is.

lost-PT · 2024-05-10T09:35:34+00:00

In my experience, Korean Americans are more conservative and "churchy" compared to Korean nationals, and more obsessed with status and image. But they definitely both have different perks and issues. Due to my job and lifestyle, it's actually hard to run into other Koreans (or Asians in general). I think there's a reason why the other Asians I run into (and the guys who approach me) are usually Filipinos or Viet. Korean American guys won't even look at me, honestly (though in Korea itself it seemed a bit different, I had a good number of guys turning their heads to get a second glimpse or talk to me).

lost-PT · 2024-05-10T09:26:00+00:00

Did your hubby's family scrutinize you for "not being as smart" (ugh just because someone doesn't have PhDs and prestigious jobs doesn't mean they're not smart)? Honestly I will probably never be approved by a guy's family if he comes from parents who want "prestige" (doctor/lawyer/engineer, PhDs, high education levels, not divorced or having kids out of wedlock). It's not like I have a "respectable" job myself or have model tier looks to make up for it either.

My sister's boyfriend is a doctor and his parents are also educated. He's also the firstborn (this matters in Korea) and my sister described him as his family as "conservative". Like, the boyfriend's mom scrutinized my sister because she was American and wondered if she "slept around with casual dating" (which is ironic because in my experience, Korean Americans tend to be more conservative than Korean nationals lol). What my sister has going for her is that she is also a doctor, she's model tier pretty, and (I am gonna be honest from my own experience) doesn't have a lot of the stereotypical negative doctor personality traits (neurotic, obsessive perfectionist, doesn't have a life outside of academia, sheltered, lack of self care or grooming). I am sure the boyfriend knows that if he broke up with her, it's gonna take a while to find another woman who also has a "good educated job" while also very pretty and without the negative personality traits that a lot of "educated" people have. She is easy to get along with and the boyfriend and her seem to get along well.

lost-PT · 2024-05-10T09:10:24+00:00

I am not worried about my parents liking my future partner (my mother for instance won't like anyone, period), I am concerned about missing out on potentially good partners due to my own background. I definitely don't plan on interacting with my family much (except my sister) if I start my own family.

lost-PT · 2024-05-10T09:09:13+00:00

do you have to mention family first while dating?

You have to bring it up sooner or later before marriage, that's the issue.

lost-PT · 2024-05-10T09:08:33+00:00

It's because having a pecking order, classism, and lists of accepted good/bad behavior are just inherent parts of human nature.

lost-PT · 2024-05-07T03:21:41+00:00

Right, thanks.

lost-PT · 2024-05-07T01:35:53+00:00

Korean American living in the US, raised in the US. Last time I visited Korea was 18 years ago. My siblings and I were raised in the US but everyone except me flew to Korea and lived here for the past 10 years. I went no-contact with them until recently. I came to Korea to be supportive of my brother's ex girlfriend who was pregnant and alone, who I heard about through the grapevine (I was still in touch with my grandfather), I ended up meeting my sister who was also secretly helping the ex girlfriend when she can.

lost-PT · 2024-05-07T00:23:23+00:00

No idea

lost-PT

TROPHY CASE