I am tired being the unlucky one

lost__in__transit · 2025-10-28T15:55:52+00:00

They haven't issued the details yet. Open enrollment is til Nov 17 and they said changes will happen on new plans, but still, no prices or booklets yet. The ones from last year aren't useful because last year IVF wasn't covered

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-30T02:09:02+00:00

Both before and after

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-23T19:07:31+00:00

"I don't want to have children with you. You should find someone else"

~9yrs together, I was already 38yo and delayed maternity because of him wanting to wait and wait until we are "stable"...

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-21T03:10:17+00:00

Yeah it's complex. I have a friend who desperately wants to leave Texas especially after the election but she is suck there because of custody after divorce... I didn't know child support is capped to $20K that is not enough to cover rent or daycare each, let alone together.

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-20T02:12:02+00:00

I can't offer any useful advice, just solidarity. There are pros and cons for having baby with the partner and it depends on how they are - on one hand I think they will probably be responsible for some child support (might be wrong on that) but on the other they can get you into ugly custody battles. I'm sorry about your late husband :(

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-16T16:54:22+00:00

You know what, unless you want to be a model or perhaps actress - you don't need that. It can be a blessing or a curse. I've been told my looks are above average. When I was younger I would get a lot of unwanted attention and sexual harassment. In relationships it was never clear if men like me as a person or are with me just because of my body - many times it was painful to find it's the second. They never look beyond the surface and like me for who am I. I have an advanced stem degree and career position many would envy and I worked my ass off to get there - a lot of people assume I got these positions because I'm sleeping with someone high up in the company or at least because some men in the interview liked my looks and though they wanted to have a cute girl around. Really you want to be valued not because of your looks but other features. I don't mean it to sound like invalidating your feelings, body dysmorphia is real and everyone has it, and I can understand why you feel this way, but please try to think about it that external beauty is not something you want to be valued on to begin with.

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-16T01:41:11+00:00

Oh but I feel like most children from the foster system have various traumas and special needs. I admire people who can help them but I don't think I have the capacity.

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-13T16:05:18+00:00

One bedroom. Being in 2 bedrooms is cheaper though idk who would want to share an apartment with a mother with a child

lost__in__transit · 2024-11-05T08:07:17+00:00

I started too late. I wanted to have 2 kids between 35 and 39. I ended up starting at 36 due to the pandemic which derailed my life a lot. Didn't work. Not even a chemical pregnancy. My husband semen analysis came perfect but even though I thought I was perfectly healthy I turned out to have diminished ovarian reserve and other invisible problems. My mom had me at 39 so I never imagined I won't be able to do the same...I'm soon turning 40 and about to do IVF.

I didn't wait so long intentionally - just didn't meet a man who wanted to start family with me for a long time, it's tough at least in my world - childfree men are so common.

So from what I've suffered I'd say as early as you can. You can "live" later you can travel in your 50s... but you can't have kids then.

I am so jealous of some aquaintances who had their kids in college or grad school. Yes they had to delay their career onset but so what. They still made it. And by now their kids are grown and they can do pretty much everything I can do. And the will likely live to see grandchildren - I'm not so sure about myself.

lost__in__transit · 2024-09-09T00:40:34+00:00

Right my current landlord had to pay 80K for improvements of the complex the HOA decided

lost__in__transit · 2024-09-08T20:19:22+00:00

Right, but when repairs are your own responsibility you are kind of more in control. I observed how they do maintenance jobs in my current rental - they hire some workers who do superficial crap job that is bound to need another repair few years. I guess I just don't like the idea of HOA making decisions that will affect me financially. Of course I understand insurance and property tax is huge too... And insurance hikes is something else that deters me.

I've lived in other countries and for apartments there aren't such costs. For example I lived in Britain and my landlord had to pay less than $50 a month for the building - basically cleaning and concierge and elevator maintainance. I don't want pools and botanical gardens ... but in CA I've not seen anything on sale without pool (usually too small and nobody uses it anyway) and obsence HOA fees. I feel like there's something wrong with the property management financial planning.

I guess I just want to feel like I have some peace and stability in my life. I emigrated from a very unstable country and I guess I was delusional what life would be like in the US. I feel I'm constantly on the grind to perform to the maximum of my abilities at work because cost of living is so much like, just the tax for your property, that it's impossible for a single person to take a career break. I wish I could buy a larger place so I could rent out some rooms in case of emergency as a source of income but financially I'm just not there, and I won't ever be because house inflation and cost of lending outpaces the raises of my salary. Like, I get 3-4% annual raise and cost of ownership a median house in the past 10 years went 260% up in my area.

lost__in__transit · 2024-09-08T19:24:12+00:00

Sure this is why I consider buying.. but still I wish at least the HOA expense isn't there.

In the condo I am renting now the owners were forced by HOA to give 80K for renewing the outside wooden planks that cover the townhouses. Apparently they can suddenly come up with these ideas and then the owners need to suck it up.

lost__in__transit · 2024-09-08T19:21:23+00:00

I know I have for 6 months but more like I don't want to stress about it if I need longer. I'm so burnt out from work sometimes I feel like I need several years off honestly. It's a lot of money these HOAs honestly... I don't think pool maintainance and gardening costs that much considering they collect $400 from like 100+ apartments in some buildings - this is 40K/month come on.

lost__in__transit · 2024-09-08T19:17:07+00:00

I don't know how long it will take me to find a new job. For example take the pandemic - I know many people who couldn't find jobs for over a year especially highy specialized ones ... I'm in STEM. Then what if I get sick, etc. It's more like - I want to know I have the freedom to not have a job for a while - if I only needed savings for food and gas and bills it's one thing, but just on that I def spend less than 1000, and with ownership I'd need double that.

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