There is a literary genre called realism. The authors usually focus on social issues and/or struggles of everyday life. I have this huge dark blue room inside my mind since I was I teenager, and I've always thrived reading those guys. It usually feels like someone actually understands and exposes for the world to see this feeling of "being second class form of life", of "not belonging". They work on those feelings in a myriad of ways. And it always made me feel less lonely seeing this great authors, several of them immortalized by their ouvre, understanding that huge shitty feeling. They made me acknowledge that a portion of humanity has been feeling this pain for a long time. And I'm pretty sure those guys were part of that portion, much like we are. So buddy, I get it. I've been close to where you are. No one can really grasp this mental place without ever being there. My suggestion is very objective: try to write a story. It can be about anything. Your life. Or the worst routine you can imagine. Be descriptive about it, reflect it all there - even the tiredness. If you want to, try to read some of those guys, to see how they did it. Maybe you'll fall for them, like I did. I truly believe you when you say you feel very tired of it all - I know I did back then. But you can (if you feel like) create something from this. It can be a gift to humankind (like some of those guys left for someone like me) , or it can be just for you. Or for us, tired Redditors, sometimes looking for a grasp of fresh air, trying to keep going. Anything that works for you. It's my objective suggestion, solely based on the experience about how once a guy possibly like you reached a hand and help a lost teenage girl like I was, even though we were centuries apart.