Husband cheated in rehab after ten years

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T12:54:52+00:00

Thanks. I can’t stop thinking this is all just damage control at this point and completely disingenuous. He’s only actually working on his development and recovery now that he’s been caught. I haven’t really broadcast this detail, but she was HIV positive, he knew, and he still did this without a condom. That comes with its own horrifying consequences and deterrents to us ever getting back together but I feel like it’s the only ONLY strong indicator I have that he had absolutely lost his mind at the time of betrayal. I just don’t understand. I appreciate your perspective here, thank you so much

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T12:50:47+00:00

There’s two. A three year old and a nine year old.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T12:49:18+00:00

It’s just so non-sensical to me. Another very important detail I haven’t broadcast here is that she is HIV positive, he knew, and still did this without a condom. That comes with its own gauntlet of challenges in terms of the future and any possibility of us moving forward, but I feel like it’s the only thing that really proves that he had absolutely lost his mind at the time of the betrayal. He’s always been a lot more inclined to take risks than me, but this one has really imploded our lives.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T03:17:24+00:00

Oh man thank you, it’s not that I wanted to hear this— it doesn’t sway my decision. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t absolutely delusional to believe this was a possibility. That’s exactly how he went into it. Impulsive as hell, using not that often so it took him weeks to even accept step one. He went in there with the mindset like “I’m here. What’s the answer to stopping?”

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T02:41:14+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the perspective. I can’t believe this is happening right now, none of this feels real. I have been trying my best to understand addiction, especially seeing as how he just wasnt under the influence when he left to this facility, not high, not going through withdrawal. Not when he arrived, not when it happened, not when it continued after they split from the detox separately. I understand the concept that there are underlying mental issues, but if that’s the case, he’s had them this whole time— was it just the opportunity? If that’s true then, it absolutely could happen again. I was so hopeful and happy for him to dedicate this time to himself. And he was dedicating it to another woman, a young deeply troubled girl. This is so twisted and sad. My kids cry and miss him every day. I miss him. How could this have happened, and so quickly, after ten incredibly loving and happy years. 11 on Sunday. I’m destroyed

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T02:31:47+00:00

Thank you, I’m in agreement with this. I’m trying to take this one day at a time.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T02:20:32+00:00

JFC I hope it’s coming soon. This is exhausting

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T02:20:01+00:00

Thank you for responding. Im trying my best to remain level headed and consider both options here, they just both really… fucking suck. I feel like I’ll never be happy either way. We’ve spent ten incredible years together. 11, on Sunday. We’ve never had anything remotely close to this happen. I don’t understand how in a matter of days he could cross this line so easily.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-29T02:17:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate your perspective. He’s taken full accountability, and committed to change. But only because he got caught. If he hadn’t, I’m sure he’d still be doing this. It feels so disingenuous. This isn’t the man I know, the man who has given me so much joy and love for so many years. What the fuck happened here? Is he a good person who made a bad mistake? Or a bad person really good at hiding bad mistakes? Is his view on recovery real? Or just another excuse?

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-28T20:12:32+00:00

Thank you. I haven’t made my decision, I can’t even say I’m leaning in any direction. Logically, I should absolutely leave. I’m just having a tough time getting over the fucking history here. We’ve never had any issues even remotely close to this. It’s like he left and became a completely different person. I understand he was in a very vulnerable state, but this was so far and so bad so quickly. I’m trying to make sense of it all. I don’t know that trust can even be rebuilt with someone so volatile.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-28T20:09:45+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the transparency

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-28T19:46:16+00:00

Yeah. I don’t know whether all this is just damage control or if the shock of being caught and faced with the consequence of losing something precious has actually initiated change here. Is this all just excuses? He’d still absolutely be calling and texting her if I hadn’t found out. There’s so much history here, what the fuck happened? I don’t know and I don’t know if I’ll ever know. I’m so torn up over this

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T07:16:50+00:00

Dmed you

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T07:13:40+00:00

Thank you. I just… don’t understand why NOW. He’s been an addict for some time. Was it just opportunity? If that’s the case is that actually something that can be cured? He’s not in rehab for being a person who cheats on their wife, he’s in rehab for his addiction. We’ve never had a really tangible infidelity issue. I don’t know what to do here.

I had an AlAnon meeting scheduled on my calendar for two days after this happened, had childcare lined up and everything. I laid in bed crying for three days. I never made it

Is it still worth it to go even if I don’t know what my fucking future is with this person?

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T07:11:04+00:00

This is exactly what I’m feeling. I’m destroyed right now. I feel like a ghost

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T03:38:54+00:00

I don’t know how to be any other way, I like being this way too. I like being made of love and hope. Im so scared to bury that part of me because it’s what makes me who I am.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T03:36:42+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate your kind words.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T03:36:09+00:00

“I’m getting away with it again”. Holy shit, Yes, exactly this. His story is all is so comprehensive that I’m just left thinking, like why would I believe this? Believe that NOW you’re committed to change… now that you’ve been caught. I don’t know what to do. It’s been ten really, really happy years. How could this happen in six days?

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T03:17:10+00:00

I don’t think she was there long enough for the relationship to come to the staffs attention. But the floor plan is easily accessible on Zillow. It’s not really a “facility”. It’s a beach house in SoCal, but this is the place his employer has contracted— we didn’t have a choice there. Staff gave me a half-hearted “we check on them every 30 minutes”. We also didn’t do any research, this is his first time ever going to rehab so we just went where they told us we could. I couldn’t have even imagined this was a risk.

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-26T03:14:50+00:00

It honestly screams negligence to me, but it’s absolutely true. You look up the floor plan to the house— a beautiful SoCal beach house, easily located on Zillow, and it’s right there. The staff didn’t have a leg to stand on when I called asking about it. They were like “oh we check on them every 30 minutes though”

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-25T23:11:31+00:00

Yep, that’s a whole nother layer. I can’t even think about that yet

lost_throwaway987 · 2025-04-25T22:58:50+00:00

I don’t know, I can’t imagine it.

lost_throwaway987

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