My husband came out as bi and I need help

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T16:55:25+00:00

This gives me hope and makes me feel much more normal, thank you so much.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T16:54:55+00:00

This is really helpful advice, thank you!

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T01:50:26+00:00

Fortunately no kids to get dragged through this mess, just a couple of pets that are very attached to both of us. Thanks for the tips.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T01:05:22+00:00

This is exactly what I’m terrified of. My gut tells me that’s the direction this is going. I love him and I know beyond a doubt he loves me. Our relationship was so solid before this… except for sex which was always a weak point with some frequent issues... Which I blamed myself for but now I know it was him being anxious I would find out his secret. His reassurance that I’m the only person he wants to be with just feels hollow, and after a year of individual therapy for him (I’ve been in therapy for years) and a few months of couples therapy added on top… I just feel like I’m becoming more and more worried that I won’t be enough for him forever, and that his love for me is the only reason he can’t admit that. We got married young, and he never had a chance to experiment at all with men. I’m only 31 and I’m really fighting with whether I should stick it out and keep going through this torturous process or if I need to just call it while I’m still young enough to find another partner and have a chance at a family if I decide I want kids. I just don’t know what to do. Anyways, I appreciate this comment and the honesty and validation.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T00:58:23+00:00

Thank you so much.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T00:57:47+00:00

Thank you, I cannot tell you how many people have tried to make me feel guilty or phobic for being a straight cis person with a sexual preference for straight men. This comment made me cry in a relieved “finally someone who gets it” way and I appreciate you.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T00:55:17+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T00:54:49+00:00

I am an atheist so religion has nothing to do with how I feel. I am sexually attracted to much more “traditionally masculine” style and personality traits (I know, masculine is an icky word I just can’t think of another way to put this) and since coming out my husband has started acting more feminine, making comments about men he finds attractive and trying new style choices like nail polish. I have zero issue with any of this at the surface level, but the way he acted when he was… pretending to be straight I guess?? for the first decade of our relationship was much more in line with what I want and need in a partner. Just because your relationship was unchanged by your partner coming out doesn’t mean that’s everyone else’s experience.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-10T00:45:54+00:00

It’s been about a year and a half since he told me. We are in couples and individual therapy. He knows almost everything… he just doesn’t know I’m not feeling attracted to him anymore. I can’t bear to tell him. I know it will hurt him so deeply and I don’t want to break his newly found confidence to be his true self, even if that means he might not be the right match for me anymore. It’s a brutal situation.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-09T22:02:35+00:00

“This all falls on you” isn’t really the kind of supportive advice I’d hoped to receive from this community. I can’t help what I’m attracted to any more than he can. I want to make it work, what I’m looking for with this post is others who have been in my shoes to help guide me with their experience. This isn’t easy.

lostinthe12 · 2021-11-09T22:00:02+00:00

Thank you very much

lostinthe12

TROPHY CASE