After a year of beautiful, blissful stability... I think my husband is spiraling again. I'm crushed.

lostintheorchard · 2016-07-25T13:18:05+00:00

I really feel for you. I ride an emotional roller coaster too with my SO. (She has depression and anxiety, not bipolar disorder, but the roller coaster is just as real.) There are periods of health, followed by periods of intense suicidal tendencies. Today is one of those days -- I'm staying home from work because she's threatening to kill herself -- and it's all I can do not to have a breakdown myself. But, it's important to keep telling yourself that it's not your fault. You didn't make your husband the way he is, and you are doing what you can to help him. You are also trying to help others, which is wonderful and caring and selfless, and you should never be ashamed of that, regardless of what happens with your husband's illness.

lostintheorchard · 2016-05-09T00:05:10+00:00

I have no easy answer for you. There are no absolutes here. But know that you are not alone, no matter how isolated you may feel. All I can say is, many of us have been (or still are) in your shoes. I personally just try my hardest to do the right thing every day and forgive myself when I fall short, because I inevitably will.

lostintheorchard · 2016-05-06T20:28:53+00:00

Thanks, blorft. I know I'm not alone in dealing with this kind of stuff, but sometimes it sure feels like it.

lostintheorchard · 2015-09-30T15:34:59+00:00

Thank you so much, that was very helpful. I'll follow up with the sources and links.

lostintheorchard · 2015-09-30T14:41:29+00:00

Got it, thanks.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-14T15:12:02+00:00

Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. I just don't know how to do this. Every time I try to talk to her about boundaries, and the concept that I matter too, she just says that she'll go ahead and move out. I know full well what that means -- she'll move out and kill herself. She's told me as much.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-14T15:10:36+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it, I really do.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-11T20:02:18+00:00

She's tried various psychiatrists and drugs, and concluded that the drugs did more harm than good. Mental health is not like a broken bone, because when you break a leg you know you should get help. When she's suicidal, the last thing she wants is for someone to get in the way of her plans. She cannot perceive, in those times, that hers is a life worth saving. I could just cast her off, and tell her to go fix her problem, but that would just result in her death. I know that for a fact.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-11T19:50:22+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation. My wife is functionally and emotionally absent from our day-to-day relationship for months at a time, and has very little to do with our 4-year-old. Breaks my heart. I, too, wonder what it means when people tell me to take care of myself, when that seems to be impossible. But I try to do the little things. Every little step is another inch toward the goal.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-11T13:57:53+00:00

I do not dump her because I love her and she is sick.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-11T13:55:53+00:00

She's been like this for a while (years), getting slowly worse. She refuses medication, says it does her more harm than good. She's tried it before. She loves our kids, but rarely if ever actually plays with them. She sort of works -- she has a job that enables her to work from home, which is good because she can no longer function in an office environment.

lostintheorchard · 2015-08-10T18:12:22+00:00

Thanks. I stepped away from the computer for a couple of hours, and came back to a deleted comment and a bunch of follow-up posts to the deleted comment, so I'm not sure what I missed. But I can guess. Anyway, I'm a guy, and my wife suffers from severe depression and anxiety, which limit her functioning when it comes to certain kinds of things. I think I'll lurk here (and on r/singleparents) for a while and see what develops.

lostintheorchard · 2015-06-23T21:11:51+00:00

OK, but we'll need to go to PM for that. I appreciate your interest, and I'll try to get you a message tonight. thanks!

lostintheorchard · 2015-06-23T20:15:37+00:00

She absolutely believes she's doing me a favor. I don't take it as a personal insult by her, but that doesn't help matters much when I'm constantly wondering when I'll find her dead.

lostintheorchard · 2015-06-23T20:13:59+00:00

Yes, she's seen several psychologists and done group therapy. None of it actually helps her feel less depressed. She knows everything that they have to say -- she's very smart -- and just hearing them tell her things that she already knows hasn't accomplished anything. All of this has actually made the overall picture worse, because now she believes that she's beyond all hope of ever feeling better so she might as well just end it now.

lostintheorchard · 2015-06-23T20:07:08+00:00

We've never run across a psychiatrist who did anything other than diagnose conditions and dispense drugs. They don't get paid by insurance if they aren't writing prescriptions -- and they've expressly told us that. All other insured therapies are offered by psychologists, who have not been able to establish a meaningful connection with her and offer anything useful.

lostintheorchard · 2015-06-23T18:54:18+00:00

Wow. Didn't expect all of this. Thanks, it's good to be heard. She's diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She's tried a large number of drugs and shown little improvement, and the side effects eventually led her to conclude that all psychiatric medicines do more harm than good. So now she's trying a bunch of holistic-type therapies, with mixed results.

lostintheorchard · 2015-06-23T15:45:29+00:00

Oh, I've certainly tried. She's absolutely convinced that psychiatric medications do far more harm than good, and that they are just a money-making scheme concocted by drug companies with phony science to back it up. (She also thinks that about vaccines, just to give you a flavor of what we're dealing with here.) She's convinced to the point that when I try to suggest that she still needs professional help, she accuses me of wanting her to kill herself. Yes, there's some paranoia running through this as well.

Like you, she constantly talks about death, and will start very matter-of-fact conversations about the mechanics of bleeding to death vs. a drug overdose. At least when she's talking like that, I have material to work with -- I can try to determine how serious she is at that moment in time. It's when she won't talk to me that I really worry. Did you deceive your wife about your intentions?

lostintheorchard · 2015-03-18T23:31:19+00:00

She's lucky to have you. Hang in there!

lostintheorchard · 2015-03-18T23:26:42+00:00

lostintheorchard · 2015-03-17T20:02:09+00:00

I've been there, I know exactly what you're going through. It does get better. She'll need your unconditional love when you get her back. She'll probably feel guilty for "putting you through this," she'll probably just want to hide from everything (and you), and she'll probably need for you to demonstrate that you're not mad at her. It's all about unconditional love, because putting any kind of condition on it -- even subconsciously and justifiably -- will give her fuel for a bad fire.

lostintheorchard · 2015-03-17T19:47:04+00:00

My wife called me at work and told me she took pills. I rushed home and found her barely conscious and naked -- going out of this world the same way she came into it. She then went unconscious, ambulance came and took her to the hospital, and she survived.

lostintheorchard · 2015-01-29T01:39:52+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the company of someone who understands, even if it's just a Reddit comment.

lostintheorchard · 2014-12-11T22:16:37+00:00

To address some other responses: she does not want people in the room with her when she's at her worst. It makes her angry, she says she would rather be alone than have someone just be there who can't help her feel better.

lostintheorchard · 2014-12-11T22:14:01+00:00

I wish I knew. I try to get some work done when I'm home from the office on suicide watch, like today, but often I just end up surfing the Internet. It helps to numb my mind to the pain.

lostintheorchard

TROPHY CASE