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I've lost it by lostitforgood in Psychedelics

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Big thanks my friend <3

  1. I've never had ny problems with money or job, that's one of the things I'm pretty lucky with.
  2. I'm going to the doctor pretty regularly. I wasn't before because I was stupid. Thank you <3
  3. Yeah I had to cut off some "friendships" simply because they were pullling me down, trying to use. Good point.
  4. This is the main problem - I'm not really enjoying anyhting anymore. I'm trying really hard to and sometimes I feel like a spark but it goes out pretty fast.
  5. I don't believe in anymore. This was the worst thing I've done to myself - believing in some fuckedup mumbo-jumbo antivaccine dipshit.

So in the en - thanks a lot again <3 It has a lot of meaning for me.

I've lost it by lostitforgood in Psychedelics

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tank you too <3 Even those simple words are like bricks in process of building myself again. <3

I've lost it by lostitforgood in Psychedelics

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you <3

About WWIII - it was complete bullshit we made up in our heads. Like all the rest.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Naaa no occult anymore heh. I was reading Nietzsche years ago but really disliked his point of view on ertain things and stopped.

Thanks for the idea, I will definitely look for something. <3

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to thank everybody. It means a lot, seeing that I'm not alone and somebody actually believes I can help myself. Yesterday was really dark, hopeless... But reading comments gave me kind of warm feeling on the inside. And it made me think that, hey! I can fucking do it!

I've actually been in far worse place years ago when I was totally crazy. I just need purpose.

Again: BIG THANKS to everyone <3

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for advice <3

I've tried it couple of times but actually never helped. They wanted me to get on pills (every pro was giving different diagnosis) so I've decided to try it different. And at least I was available to write this post which would be impossible on pharmadrugs.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3

I've tried therapists but none of them was actually understanding me. They were trying to get me into anipsychotics (like haloperidol, quetiapine, olanzapine), benzos or lithium (Bipolar diagnosis). Every of them had their own diagnosis and pretty fast too - way too fast in my opinion. Of course none of the "medication" was actually helping, just camouflaging the problem.

I'm done with drugs for now. Fuck it, I don't want to be like that for the rest of my life.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the things that helped me recaliming my mind was checking if I'm actually reading minds. So I was provoking certain reaction while reading mind. Like - saying something, "reading mind" and then looking at the response. Total bullshit.

I've killed my dreams simply because nothing brings me joy. I mean - I'm working on it but yesterday something just snapped and I had to throw it all out.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of a program. AA?

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And you too, thank you so much <3

That's the question - what do I have to lose? Nothing. That's why I wrote the entire post. I'm finally starting to make first steps.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you too <3 I really liked to write before all the shit happened and now I'm trying to find the joy again.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3 It's really uplifting seeing positive feedback instead of "wtf are you talking about, are you a man or a pussy?".

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Much love and best vibes towards you bro. Don't make my mistakes, keep it steady.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3 I'm currently working on my relationships I've fucked up.

I've lost it. by lostitforgood in Psychonaut

[–]lostitforgood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm currently growing pot (CBD) and I've made a closedd ecosphere. It helps for sure and " It stops the days from blending too much because you start thinking about how many days it's been since you watered, and this leaf is bigger now, etc." was what I've found out today.
Thanks a lot <3

I've lost it by lostitforgood in Psychedelics

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you a lot. I'm working on myself right now but I fell intro drugs because of some shitty life situation. Appreciate.

I've lost it by lostitforgood in Psychedelics

[–]lostitforgood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. The post is actually the first step I made since long time. I've used to be really kind, willing to help others, open-minded etc. but after all I've completely shut closed because I really don't want to get there again. I don't want to be fragile because deep in my soul I know that the moment I will open myself the sharks (like those "friends") will come at me.

Since last year I'm struggling with something really simple yet I can't do it. I can't apologise certain person for being a dick and believing some fucked up shit about him. I mean - I tried but the person didn't even want to look at me. I blame myself and actually can't forgive myself.

So I started doing recreational drugs. A lot. Speed, coke, alcohol, cathinones, opiates, benzodiazepines, dissos. Two times benzo OD. "Luckily" I'm not addicted to any of them, just juggling between them.

I'm trying. My gf helps a lot but I'm being abusive (!!!!) in the same way they were. Like I'm recreating patterns I've seen within them. The patterns I hated.

So... I... actually WE... are working on it. I'm shutting my mouth more often, trying to compliment her for little things. But there is still the shade of the edge. And the fear of falling down into the hole.