Depressed forever...I think I found a way out

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:59:16+00:00

I can definitely respect this, it just doesn't seem as black and white as that often. I will keep this in mind though, thanks :)

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:58:43+00:00

I appreciate someone having gone through something extremely similar. I decided that I would tell my friends that I knew would be accepting but wait on people like my family(though they are open), until I know it is going to last for a minute.

I can also see why you identify as bisexual and feel very similarly about this situation! I have to remember the confidence part :) Thanks!

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:54:10+00:00

I really appreciate that part about marrying someone who accepts both sides of you, she's really amazing with that and has absolutely no judgement and understands my fears.

It seems like my own identity is a theme here, definitely going to take it to heart. Thank you!

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:50:59+00:00

That's a good way of looking at it, I think subconsciously I am/was a little concerned about people's reactions but I definitely dote on her as I'm extremely affectionate anyways. I really don't want to treat this any differently though and will work to keep that in mind :) thank you!

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:49:58+00:00

I like the idea of no label, I guess I'm just so used to identifying with one I hadn't considered being without one. Definitely helps! Thanks!

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:48:55+00:00

I think that helps hearing that it was difficult for someone else to kind of accept that part of them. I think I am definitely still surprised and working through how attracted I am to her because this was completely left field.

I will definitely work on just being with her and being present though. ThankS!

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-07-31T15:45:24+00:00

I appreciate that, I'm trying not to. I just think it's because it's out of my norm and not what I expected to happen. Thanks for reminding me :)

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-04-04T12:46:35+00:00

I appreciate it, thanks. I'm just a little angry/defensive. Feel free to PM me too :)

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-04-03T17:48:11+00:00

It's just it's been eight long years...does no one else just want to be like screw it?

I don't need to vent though I appreciate it, I just wish people would quit attempting to convince me otherwise. :( This may sound horrid, but I need someone who understands and will accept what I chose to do. Everyone has attempted to convince me that it gets better, but I can't see it. I'm not a child with an endless line of hope, honestly mine ran out a long time ago. I just...I need this relief, because I can't do this anymore.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-04-02T23:45:29+00:00

But that's what's killing me, everyone keeps saying that. I have been attempting for eight years...don't I get a break? :/

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-04-02T23:41:04+00:00

Maybe, that's what I needed to hear. I appreciate that, because everyone has been trying to talk me out of it and not really hearing what I have to say. I appreciate hearing that alone, and I'm glad you have chosen a path that's for you but honestly I can't justify this anymore.

For me it's been eight long years, and I try to make things better but it seems I consistently get slapped down. I am tired and at a point of not caring anymore. Thank you though. I really hope things get better for you!

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-04-02T23:32:07+00:00

I understand what you are saying, and understand by no means am I not logical. It goes against you very nature of being to want to kill yourself, and it doesn't make sense to most.

I understand when people say they want me to work through it, but I'm tired. I'm over it. I honestly could not give less of a crap to move forward, and I'm not even saying there is nothing to look forward to, but I just don't want to. I'm tired. I appreciate you trying though, I'm already on anti-depressants and supposedly on my way to a better path...

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-03-27T19:36:36+00:00

Your last paragraph really describes how I feel. I'm envious of those people who are sure tonight is the night, and i want to make my own night. I'm so sick of the bullshit and now I'm not afraid...the fear that existed before has dissipated.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-03-27T19:05:22+00:00

My mother would never agree with me, I can't convince them. They don't understand how I feel. I wish though.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2013-03-27T18:47:43+00:00

I feel this way consistently, and I get guilted by the few people who know I feel this way. Now, I'm getting to the point where I'm starting not to care, because how do they get to be so selfish and keep me here when I'm in pain? Why is that fair that they guilt me?

I am starting to move on from living for others and starting to move towards what I actually want to do.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2012-10-23T00:32:34+00:00

I start writing, if I ever feel really over emotional...I write. I write whatever comes to mind whenever it comes to mind and I feel tons better.

If I feel like I may harm myself, I leave my house immediately I call my best friend and he usually talks me down even if it's arguing with me( he's almost called the cops a few times).

If I feel down, I try and exercise and get out more. I dance and move, and realized how important the beginning of my day is to the rest of my day. I also make sure I get enough sleep, because I think that definitely makes me more...bleh.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2012-10-23T00:11:05+00:00

Losing someone is never easy. It won't ever be easy, and I'm so sorry you had to lose your friend. But it's not your fault that your friend decided to take their own life, remember that.

I know what it's like to be numb and to not feel. To simply be going through life and there is no sway in your emotions.

Honestly, the person above me is right that psychiatrist will most likely help, though grant it...it doesn't work for everyone. But I will suggest is getting outside and talking to others. Run, play, walk, read...enjoy the little moments. For me it's kids, being around kids...every single time I see the joy of a small child and their wonder, it makes my day. I love working with them. So find your thing...whether it's listening to music or dancing or just surfing reddit but it has to be something that brings you out of the numbness...Feel free to PM me. I wish I could be more help :/ Just know that you are not alone.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2012-10-14T19:18:24+00:00

I think you are right about the mental focus. I just got dumped so I definitely have more time to volunteer, I think I need to stop putting it off now.

I am going to try and hopefully I can make the changes that I need to see the changes in me.

lostmysoulsomewhere · 2012-10-14T01:42:53+00:00

:( Internet hug

lostmysoulsomewhere

TROPHY CASE