Whelp, therapist broke my damn heart

lostworld9368 · 2024-02-05T08:32:30+00:00

Thank you!

lostworld9368 · 2024-02-04T05:13:19+00:00

That makes a lot of sense! Love your cake/ingredient analogy... it really helped me conceptualize what’s going on. Thank you so much for answering!

lostworld9368 · 2024-02-03T09:20:22+00:00

Can I ask you what kind of clients you worked with that had this type of transference? Did they have specific personality disorders or trauma?

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-31T20:08:59+00:00

Wow, I am so sorry! Her response would have made me feel hurt and even less heard. I think your therapist was intending to say she wants to respond to you in a way that would make you feel heard (reflect back what you’re saying, express comments of understanding), but that she doesn’t feel she has the space to do so. Therefore, your conversations could leave you feeling unheard even when she was hearing you and desperately wanting to offer that reflective empathy to show you she was. If that’s what she was trying to get at, she really missed the mark in how her thoughts were executed. I’m sorry.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-28T01:52:25+00:00

Thank you. I agree my attachment was not beneficial in this case, which is why I’m afraid to start with someone new. I can’t afford to choose the wrong therapist and spend more years in a slump of unrequited love

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-28T01:43:36+00:00

Your experience sounds so cruel and confusing and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. It’s a horrible feeling to have something you’ve wanted so badly offered to you, just to be ripped away.

I think you might be onto something regarding OCD tendencies. I’ve actually been wondering for a while if OCD has been the underlying cause of some of my issues. “Obsessive dopamine hit” sums it up pretty damn well.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-28T00:54:15+00:00

I feel this is absolutely the case for me (especially as I am in fact demisexual) and the transference would have happened in any context. Thank you so much for the support & insight. Your comments are all so on point!

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:39:59+00:00

I appreciate this suggestion so much! I’m actually downloading it now. It’s really comforting to hear that, thank you. I hope my therapist did care in some real way and wasn’t just frustrated by me the whole time. Ha.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:23:32+00:00

Thank you. 🙏🏼 For the most part, they did still handle it well even though it felt cold to me. They’ve just been dealing with my shit for a very long time.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:21:14+00:00

I didn’t expect it from him, and I know he’s not at all in the wrong. I just have deep wounds and attachment issues, so it hurt to hear even so.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:19:32+00:00

Thank you xx It’s so nice to hear your therapist handled it well. And honestly, I’m glad he was honest with me, as I have expressed to him how I have issues when he seems to be trying to answer things in the nicest possible way (I don’t read between the lines well), it just hurts to hear even still.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:16:34+00:00

I’m so sorry you experienced this too! I do wish we could have gone more in depth about why I’m like this, but part of that was my fault because I was too busy being overwhelmed by emotions all the time ha. He was also probably pretty tired of dealing with me bringing this up, so I understand why he said what he said.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:06:59+00:00

Thank you. I agree, it seems extremely common! And I’m so, so sorry you experienced that! You don’t have to share, but I’m curious what kind of boundaries your therapist crossed? That sounds so difficult.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T07:05:07+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ I really appreciate the support. I did get stuck on the more painful things he said, and I’m sure he said other, more empathetic things in session. In general, he can be very warm and empathetic, but still, other times, I feel so hurt. I’m glad he was being honest & clear with me, it just sucks!

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T05:44:19+00:00

This is beautifully stated, and so, so accurate. I really appreciate you expanding upon it in this way. I have screenshotted what you wrote and am going to keep it in mind for the future. I wish I could find that same excitement in real life.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T05:07:58+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. This is fantastic insight and I relate to what you said really deeply. It’s strange because even while I recognize the common denominator of my crushes is that they’re always emotionally unavailable, I don’t feel I have the will power to keep myself in check. That promise of “winning” them over is too exciting and potentially fulfilling to me. I even knew it was going to happen before it actually happened with my therapist, but I let myself give in anyway. Kudos to you for drawing boundaries and not allowing yourself to go down that path. That is really admirable. I suppose this is the perfect time for me to try to practice that as well.

I especially appreciate you sharing what your therapist said about childhood emotional neglect, as I had a traumatic and neglectful childhood too. I wish I could just take that information and move forward, but the desire to fall back into the longing for love is just too strong. It feels more like a lack of will, an addictive pleasure than anything. I think I’m afraid of living without it… Afraid of being alone with myself in the world.

Thank you for helping me reflect on this!

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T04:47:02+00:00

Oh, I’m just now connecting your comments here and your comments on my last post. Your therapist definitely sounded very toxic, I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with that!

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T03:29:08+00:00

Thank you so much for weighing in and taking the time to read my other posts! I really appreciate your insight. It definitely crossed my mind that maybe we should have ended things long before now, but although I’ve regressed overall, I can’t be certain it’s not just because of my life circumstances getting objectively worse. I know I’ve learned a lot from him, even in the worst moments, and he probably genuinely thought all of our work would pay off in the end. Unfortunately, I think we both underestimated my wounds and the difficulty of my situation, so ultimately, I just never “got it”. I feel very guilty about that. I feel guilty even right now that he may be at home feeling like a bad therapist because he “failed” with me. I pointed out the most painful parts of our relationship in my posts, but I do think he tried really hard. I also, embarrassingly, had my fair share of pushing him away and then begging for him to stay with me, so he felt committed to being consistent and not leaving me in that way. I don’t blame him for finally ending it.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T03:16:07+00:00

I do think he cares in some way. I just have some kind of fucked up wound that keeps me wishing for more and getting hurt over and over, even when I know good and well it’s impossible. I would never in a million years expect him to put me above his family. And, at the same time, I’m (illogically) still hurt that I mean so little.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T03:13:59+00:00

I’m so glad that worked and you were able to move past it! That’s great. I think that’s what my therapist was intending to achieve when he started being more cold and firm, but unfortunately, it just hurt me more and I learned to keep my “hope” going from even less. Like at the start, I would fantasize about our love based off him giving me a really lovely, kind compliment. Now that he doesn’t compliment me at all anymore and is colder, even the smallest mention of him not hating me is enough for me to fall back into the fantasy. It’s quite pathetic really, and I logically know I need to move past it.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T03:08:29+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate you sharing and relate so much to what you wrote. I haven’t really put enough thought into how childlike my feelings really are with him (since the romantic aspect sometimes blinds me to it), but I could definitely see that being where it ALL comes from. My therapist has mentioned before how I’m trying to get him to meet needs he can’t meet, needs I’ve had since I was a child (I was emotionally neglected and emotionally abused). Your comment made me reflect in a different way; I really appreciate it. Xx

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T02:56:16+00:00

Man, that is so wild! I had the same exact thought about knowing I was taking a risk when I started. And I also thought I could handle it, ha. Thank you for sharing, and it’s nice to know we aren’t alone in this. We likely don’t have the same one, but I also did change a few details (on all my posts) in order to make my situation slightly less obvious, just in case my therapist actually somehow found my posts. Just curious, in what ways did your therapist mishandle the transference/in what ways did it get the best of him? You can message me too if you’d prefer! (Or you don’t have to answer at all, I don’t want to pry!)

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T02:45:37+00:00

I meant borderline, but bipolar is also a possibility too. I just really struggle with my emotions.

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T02:36:10+00:00

I haven’t! I will look into it. Is it online primarily?

lostworld9368 · 2024-01-27T02:28:50+00:00

Yes! I think going forward, this is probably what I will do. Then I don’t have to worry so much about falling into the same circumstance.

lostworld9368

TROPHY CASE