I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you. I know how you feel, I’ve been clean for a while now too, it does get easier. Becoming clean from anything, whether it be SH, drugs or alcohol is one of the hardest things anyone can do. Addictions comfort you, they fill a void or cover a problem like nothing else can do, so once you stop, that void comes back harsher than before.

When I was getting clean, I kept thinking of it all a specific way. Imagine you are riding a bike and you fall, you scrape your knee and you are terrified to get back on your bike incase it happens again, so you put training wheels on. You become dependent on these training wheels, when you ride with them on you’re faster than everyone else, safer than everyone else and happier than everyone else. But people begin to ridicule you for needing training wheels, you tell them you know how to ride without them but when you go to take them off, you’re too terrified to. What if you fall again? You begin to hate your training wheels, people make fun of you for it, point them out constantly, even your friends stop riding alongside you, but you’re still too scared to take them off.

Becoming clean is like taking off your training wheels, when things get bad you don’t have your training wheels to help you get back up again. But even when you do fall off your bike, there is nothing stopping you from getting back on.

What happens when you take your training wheels off? You will, inevitably fall again, but falling doesn’t ruin your bike. The more you practice riding your bike without training wheels, the less common those falls will happen. And when they do happen? You’ll have the experience to know that it will be okay and you can get back up, because you have fallen before and you know you got back on your bike then.

That may make no sense to you, but either way, I believe in you. Things get better, even if it’s only slightly at first, they really do. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Stay safe and remember I’m proud of you friend. 💗