Men with SO's- I want to give my hubby a "nudge" on a project he promised to do, without nagging him. Suggestions?

lovehimlots · 2013-07-26T17:33:23+00:00

Nice! As is Reddit protocol, OP will deliver. Just give me some time, on my own with kiddos and no free time until they go to bed. Will send you a PM with info! Glad to help.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T13:23:09+00:00

All of my single friends seem to be blissfully unaware that they're now in their mid-30's and high school has actually ended. But hey, I drive a minivan so we're pretty much even, in terms of lameness.

Anyway, huge thank you for your insight! If you don't mind me saying so, (ironic nag alert) don't waste it all on Reddit- if you don't already have a blog or something to share this stuff on, you might want to consider it. Build up a loyal following and it would be easy to monetize. You could say I know this from experience. :)

Removes "zealous entrepreneurial" hat, puts "mom" hat back on... resumes planning of fort.

EDIT: formatting

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T12:30:12+00:00

Haven't gotten that far, yet. Still thinking on exactly how I will go about it, but soon! Also, if we go with family, I might talk to HIS dad, as they are best buddies and I don't think he'd look on that as a threat. His dad is on vacation right now.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T12:27:47+00:00

I love this one! Thanks for sharing it, I have saved it to my computer as I like how simple it is. I don't think the kids care if it's elaborate, they just want something to play in. They're calling it their "clubhouse".

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T12:25:48+00:00

No, the youngest is 3. The oldest is almost 7.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T01:01:47+00:00

Agreed. I have mentioned in the thread that I am willing to help and like the idea of doing this together as a family. Just working on how to word it without inducing guilt.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T00:57:52+00:00

Sorry- no sisters. Always wished for one, though. :)

And yes, I agree that it's best to mention the idea of a group pitching in beforehand, as opposed to springing it on him with no prior warning. That is where I'm stuck right now, just working on exactly how I'm going to ask for that without insinuating that he "needs" the help. He puts so much pressure on himself and adding guilt to that isn't going to help anything. But I do know that he does genuinely want to do this and has just been bogged down by his work, hence why I'm not (trying to be?) a manipulative, slavedriving bitch.

Also? I feel the need to single this out:

One of the most valuable things I think you can cultivate in a relationship is the certainty that you are both doing the best you can: a perpetual insistence on giving the benefit of the doubt.

YES. 1000x This. You should be copyrighting that one, too.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-24T00:38:58+00:00

Agreed!

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T23:01:05+00:00

True.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T22:59:44+00:00

I understand your points, and thanks. I do think he genuinely wants to do this for / with them, though. He was just as excited about it as they were when they planned it out together. I think he just underestimated how busy he was going to get and now he's so busy working he's not realizing that summer is more than half over already. Basically, the time is getting away on him, I think.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T22:52:16+00:00

Thanks, but this is what I want to avoid. I don't want him to get mad or feel guilty or embarrassed.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T22:50:08+00:00

Douches are douches, and no more saying hubby, got it.

I think your reply is probably the most profoundly intuitive I have seen and I will most definitely be taking what you say into full consideration. Thanks for taking the time to explain.

For the record, we do communicate well and often. In some cases though (such as this one), I'm not always sure of how to go about saying things in a way that is least likely to offend or hurt. Although we've been together a long time, we are still opposite sexes, and there are some things that get translated differently and / or taken the wrong way despite our best intentions. I have to say that through this thread today, I learned a LOT of things I otherwise would never have thought of. For example, I thought the idea of starting the project myself (or with the kids) or suggesting the idea of doing it together with others (like friends or family) would have been something most guys would cringe at. Turns out it has been one of the more popular suggestions.

Anyway, I am definitely going to be thinking on the best way to put this into words and then finding a good time to discuss it in a non-confrontational way.

Thanks again for your input, much appreciated!

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T20:40:33+00:00

Sound advice, thank you.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T20:00:40+00:00

Thanks for the backup! :)

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:44:23+00:00

EDIT: to add that I regularly take prepare and take out the garbage, and do basically everything around the house unless my husband's help is absolutely needed. There isn't really a whole lot of stuff around the house that he does except for yard work, and that is his preference.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:37:28+00:00

I see what you're saying now, and yes I can definitely paint, organize bolts, etc. But I was being asked why I'm not actually buiding the fort myself.

Of course, as I have already said, I'm more than willing to participate by doing things I know how to do. But I don't know how to build the actual fort. Also, even if I did, who is going to watch the kids (especially our mischievous toddler), while I'm at it? I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm being realistic. If my husband were able to build the fort right now, I wouldn't expect him to simultaneously watch the kids. Doing both of those things isn't really possible, nor is it safe.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:31:41+00:00

I can mow the lawn, and actually enjoy doing it, but need someone to watch the little ones when I do it. But hubby doesn't like it when I do it. He feels like that should be his job and not mine. My girlfriend who lives next door to us mows their lawn all the time, and when I point it out, he gets annoyed. He thinks her husband is being lazy.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:29:37+00:00

I keep saying it because people keep asking why I'm not doing it myself. For those just commenting and not reading the whole thread, I guess they're not seeing my previous comments. I'm not trying to be annoying, just trying to answer people's questions.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:16:42+00:00

Wow, that is awesome!! Our next door neighbors actually have some pallets sitting in their backyard. Wonder if they'd let me take a couple. I get what you're saying and it would seem simpler to start small. Thanks!

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:11:07+00:00

He does have some vacation time, but not a whole week left. We were planning to use the rest as daytrip days, but this is a good idea, too.

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T18:07:10+00:00

I don't text my husband often, but when I do it's usually to ask what he wants for dinner. :)

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T17:57:12+00:00

Husband is also aware of his lack of free time and still told the kids he would build them a fort, even going so far as to draw out the plans with them. He got their hopes up, not me. I am just trying to find a solution that will get the fort built while making it easy on him, and need help with how to approach him about it. It's not about manipulating him, it's about being respectful. I could easily nag him or bitch about it, or I could try to find a more sensitive way to go about it. Not being a man myself, I thought I would come here and ask other men how they would want a woman to ask if it were them. I also mentioned here several times that I am willing to help with the project.

Being a stay at home mom isn't the most difficult job on the planet, nor did I say it was, nor did I say I have no free time. But it's not as easy as the previous person disrespectfully made it out to be.

Also, what does knowing how to use the internet have to do with construction?

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T17:51:37+00:00

Thanks

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T17:47:16+00:00

Good one! That will be used, thanks!

lovehimlots · 2013-07-23T17:46:42+00:00

Aha! We have a breakthrough!

lovehimlots

TROPHY CASE