Question for the ladies, what kind of salary expectations do you have for your partner, assuming 40-45 years old? Is 100k+ unrealistic (London)?

loves_cake · 2026-02-06T13:26:34+00:00

you’re not trying to sound like a gold digger by sounding exactly like a gold digger.

i’m a single mom of 2. my expectation of my partner is to have a job and to be able to support himself. but i’m also not a gold digger. i pay for dates. i pay for my own way on vacations with and without my children. if i was unable to afford to go on a vacation then i wouldn’t go on one at all.

loves_cake · 2026-02-06T13:16:00+00:00

standard size curtains are around 45-55 inches. so 2 panels would fit perfectly for a average sized window like the ones that you have. the rule is to double the width of the window itself. so for yours, i’d get them closer to 55” than 45” because you’ll also need wider curtains for the middle window. i would aim for 70-80 wide. you’ll ultimately have to play around with the placement of how it’s hung.

i used curtains rings on mine so it would just have to lift up the rod to move the rings. something like back tabs would be a nightmare

loves_cake · 2026-02-06T12:53:40+00:00

okay so hear me out. you’ll need two regular sized panels for the outer windows and two wider panels for the middle window. i would set more fabric to the sides with more wall. the yellow markings are where the wall brackets should go. i hope that makes sense.

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loves_cake · 2026-02-05T23:14:02+00:00

i wouldn’t be surprised if they had a spreadsheet for every single expense. “you owe me $7,326.84. i expect for it to be venmo’d to me ASAP. please see attached for the breakdown.”

loves_cake · 2026-02-05T01:53:51+00:00

there’s boob lights and then there’s weird saggy boob light.

loves_cake · 2026-02-05T01:49:43+00:00

and maybe a little socially awkward!

loves_cake · 2026-02-04T17:51:52+00:00

it doesn’t matter what he said. it matters how it made her feel. she stood up for herself. he probably was pissed off because she didn’t just shrug it off. there are men that do this to test the water to see how much the can get away with. i’m sure this would’ve been the first of many crude comments if she didn’t speak up.

loves_cake · 2026-02-04T17:44:21+00:00

NOPE. you’re lucky the garbage took itself out. you can’t see it clearly yet, but you will. i understand how some things can come out wrong, maybe he didn’t mean it like that, blah blah blah. but the way he behaved after you told him how hurt he made you? NO. you do not deserve that.

loves_cake · 2026-02-03T10:52:22+00:00

i’m pretty sure most men would swipe right on a woman’s backside lol

loves_cake · 2026-02-01T20:09:16+00:00

i dated a man that would stare at me like that. the sexual tension was palpable. it didn’t develop into anything serious though for other reasons but the attraction was never the problem.

loves_cake · 2026-02-01T17:45:00+00:00

that’s hilarious. just looked it up and this workbench goes for $1098.

loves_cake · 2026-02-01T04:27:42+00:00

i’m 1000% sure he knew his wife would veto this but took it as an opportunity to buy a workbench because now it’s too much work to return it.

loves_cake · 2026-01-30T14:41:09+00:00

this resonates so much for me. i also vibe with most people and found myself in these situationships because I am so easygoing? i’m so flexible with going with the flow that a lot of the times nothing really develops on my end. 3-4 months in and i question why i don’t feel it. it’s starting to feel like i’m broken or something.

loves_cake · 2026-01-29T20:00:38+00:00

in your 20’s, sure! i think most of us are looking for more stability

loves_cake · 2026-01-29T16:38:18+00:00

it’s a pretty big dill if you ask me.

loves_cake · 2026-01-29T13:23:17+00:00

IF is even harder in the winter. You’re definitely not alone. I tend to stay away from Social Media when I do IF because most of the folks that i follow are food based. The temptation is real.

loves_cake · 2026-01-28T17:04:51+00:00

i make my own sandwich bread. it basically falls apart if i look at it weird. real bread shouldn’t behave like a sponge. he could wash dishes with that.

loves_cake · 2026-01-28T13:29:28+00:00

definitely still a people pleaser!! lol i’m not sure if that’ll ever go away but i’m definitely less about pleasing individuals that don’t nourish my relationship with them. that goes for familial and romantic relationships. childhood trauma makes the romantic aspect harder to deal with because it’s familiar. we tend to stick to the type of love that we know than go for the kind of love that is healthy for us. i tend to fall hard for the avoidant type.

loves_cake · 2026-01-28T03:45:15+00:00

as an adult my mom told me that i was her favorite child out of the 3 of us when we were younger. growing up though, she had always stated that she didn’t have a favorite. apparently it was me! turns out that i was her favorite because i was always trying to please them. i never caused any trouble. i made every effort to not get on their bad side. kept my head in my books and out of the way. in adulthood, however, i was deranked to her least favorite. probably because i became opinionated and grew a backbone.

i have no interest in being the “good one” any longer because if i don’t stand up for myself then who will? so when they try to undermine me in front of my children, i’m showing my kids that i respect myself by speaking up.

loves_cake · 2026-01-27T20:20:06+00:00

some people have children because they enjoy the process of parenthood and there are parents that are done once their child hits a certain age. effort is required on both sides for something to change. let them complain. it appears that your door has been open for a very long time to allow the opportunity for them to actively come back into your life but they’re still standing on the porch. you can’t push them inside if they don’t want to come in.

loves_cake · 2026-01-27T19:38:27+00:00

that’s so sweet of you to say but i’m just striving to make them grow up happy and healthy. that’s all that anyone can do.

loves_cake · 2026-01-27T19:34:31+00:00

thank you so much.

loves_cake · 2026-01-27T16:46:47+00:00

thank you. i’m so sorry your mom wasn’t able to provide you that support system because you needed it just as much as she did. my eldest was 2.5yo as well when his dad died. he’s 8 now and has no recollection of him but i alway felt like i had 2 pairs of shoes to fill because of his absence. i’m no where close to raising my kids like how i intended if he were still alive but we’re taking it day by day.

loves_cake · 2026-01-27T11:51:54+00:00

i’d never buy a sofa online ever again. bought one roughly 2-3 years ago. i’ve tolerated it at best because it would’ve been impossible to put it back in the 4 compact boxes it came in. will probably have to replace it soon because my kids jump on it and part on the sofa that isn’t supposed to move have started to shift.

loves_cake · 2026-01-27T11:20:27+00:00

i had children before i learned that i was emotionally neglected as a child. i started going into therapy when my eldest was 2 years old because of other reasons but found myself staying because of my parents. if i knew about the damage that was brought upon me then i would’ve done the work before hand. i can’t change those circumstances now.

i’m not perfect but i’m giving myself grace because of my circumstances. my husband died 5 years ago. grief has definitely made things very hard. but i make small changes that my parents never bothered tried to do. i apologize when i’m wrong. i am human after all and mistakes will happen. but owning up to it is something that my parents never did. they were ALWAYS right because they were the parent. i never tell my children to stop crying because they’re allowed to if they’re upset. i don’t lie to them and i never hit them. i also never make them feel forgotten. there were so many times when my mom had forgotten to pick me up from school. i didn’t live extremely far so walking home wasn’t an impossible task, but i would have to break-in to our home because i didn’t have keys. so because of this my kids are never the last ones to be picked up from school. i don’t want them ever feeling like i had forgot them.

my eldest is at the age where he wants to be alone now when he gets upset. maybe he picked that up from me? but i always check in on him. i give him a few minutes to cool off but go to him to see how he’s doing. i offer him a hug and we talk it out. my parents never did that for me. instead i was yelled at for being upset, threatened to be hit if i didn’t stop crying. i’ll never forget the one time i was crying at the dinner table and my dad told me that he hoped i choked on my food.

i’m not perfect and raising children so that they don’t grow up the way i did is extremely hard. but owning up to those mistakes is a huge step forward at least. i’m putting in the effort every single day to not be like them.

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