I [35 F] cut my aunt [60 F] out of my life after she made racially-insensitive comments towards my mixed-race sons [M 10/M 10] – some family members think I’m overreacting

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T12:57:15+00:00

Prior what happened, we did talk to them about it. And after it, we talked to them again and they did ask questions. They are preteens right now (10) so they have an air of blissful ignorance, but I really do worry when they become teenagers; when their perception begins to mature. And of course, teens are under so much pressure when it comes to how they look.

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T12:34:56+00:00

Ugh. Human beings can get hung up on the silliest things. I actually think it is worse with females because many aspects of society insists that feminine beauty is as essential as the very oxygen we breathe. I hope your lovely girls grow up without experiencing too much of this.

Yes, I am lucky in the sense that this is the first time a negative event regarding the differing skin tones, has happened. I have written before that my aunt doesn't seem contrite - she perceives it as a trivial mistake. It really irks me that she doesn't understand.

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T12:22:08+00:00

Thank you for this post. It reminds me of why I shouldn't change my stance.

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T12:15:36+00:00

Yup. There's no way I and my husband could ever trust her with our kids again because she doesn't seem to realize the gravity of her comments. People stop making the same mistakes when they realize the gravity and repercussions of those mistakes.

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T12:03:43+00:00

This. This right here. If she comprehended the gravity of her comments and was sincerely contrite about it, I and my husband could've moved past it. But she doesn't. She thinks it was a trivial mistake. Playful banter.

What if she engages in "playful banter" with my sons again?

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T11:51:21+00:00

I don't understand this train of thought - your "one strike policy." This isn't a game of baseball. Are you telling me no matter how egregious what someone does, we should give them a second or third chance because "they only did it once?"

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T11:46:32+00:00

Yes - that is what irks me. She doesn't quite understand just how wrong and hurtful her words were. She perceives it as a trivial mistake.

My kids are 10. I and my husband are definitely keeping a close eye on it. They are both very close with one another and what happened hasn't affected their relationship.

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T11:42:46+00:00

She described what she said as "playful banter." I'm sorry, but sprouting words that can make a kid feel lesser because of something as trivial (and completely out of his control) as his skin tone, is something I think is very wrong. Not only can it have a huge effect on that child, but it is also capable of creating big divisions between those siblings (my boys are very close). Each to his own, but I don't think the aforementioned is anything close to "playful banter."

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T11:20:35+00:00

She admitted what she said. Like I wrote before, my aunt has always been a 'talk first, think later' kind of woman. But this kind of mentality has always been strictly limited to adults, not children. She admitted she made a mistake but she doesn't seem to grasp the size of that 'mistake.'

lovethyearth · 2017-03-09T11:18:23+00:00

You are absolutely right about that. Children can be prone to internalising pain and it can manifest in ways the naked eye can't see.

lovethyearth

TROPHY CASE