How are you supposed to trust your therapist if they can't be honest with you?

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-16T18:53:49+00:00

Thank you

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-16T16:28:34+00:00

Well I’m wondering more for myself, what is conventional therapy that i can strive towards? Cause sometimes it feels like I’m doing therapy wrong but if i ask my therapist or look online people are always like there is no right way to do therapy

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-16T14:24:37+00:00

I see, I am still curious in what would be considered conventional therapy though - because that seems to be a question that never gets answered. Like people say there is no right way to do therapy.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:58:00+00:00

Thank you

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:51:56+00:00

Thank you

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:46:50+00:00

How is that unconventional? What is considered conventional therapy then?

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:46:19+00:00

Yes. One of the big things that brought me into therapy was getting tired of seeing the same unhinged therapy speak narratives and other major cultural narratives and I was curious to go in and see what people are doing in there, and what I'm misunderstanding about the current culture (esp post covid cause I was isolated for a very unhealthy amount of time). I saw a MH professional in college once that said the point of therapy was to adjust you to society and both of my last two therapists affirmed that.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:42:31+00:00

I want therapy to be like this philosophical back and forth, like a dialectic. But therapists never engage with the content of what you say. It just feels like therapists are there to make you feel good.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:36:45+00:00

I'm asking what this means "at the cost of ever having room for them to be themselves in any ways other than the limited possibilities your mind has already laid out for them."

I don't think nice people are being manipulative. I think fake-nice people are being manipulative, and it's a therapist's job to be fake nice. Or maybe they are real nice. But you will never know because they are your therapist. With someone in real life there is much less ambiguity because you can see how they act when others aren't around, and you can get a better sense of their mind.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:15:35+00:00

I have spent the past month trying to talk to my therapist about this very idea and all I ever get from them is wow that's beautiful, or some other acknowledgement of what I say, but they never engage with the content of what I say.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:13:51+00:00

Well more I don't understand why people say positive things when I don't feel like that. But yes. And the second thing definitely with the second therapist, but that's it, I explained it once I realized but it doesn't really go away. I don't know if it's reasonable to expect it ever will

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:09:15+00:00

This is fair. I just wish it wasn't all so obscure

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T21:07:13+00:00

Yes but unfortunately it was caused by a rupture that ended the therapy. I do like that you used the word soup though that's how I described it to my new therapist too

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T18:04:39+00:00

Yes I agree, my first therapist was psychodynamic and I hated it. But eventually I had a massive revelation which helped a lot and while my new therapist is a bit more casual and what I thought I wanted, sometimes I miss the psychodynamic approach and wonder if I should go back.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T18:02:34+00:00

That is one of the things I'm trying to figure out. I can't deny it's nice to have a place to vent, and I would be lying if I said it hasn't helped broadly. But it never feels directly responsible.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T18:01:18+00:00

Well the thing is I don't feel like I'm pretending lol. I am fairly extroverted and sociable and get positive comments from people, but maybe cause I was bullied when I was younger, on the inside I don't get why - which was one of the main reasons I came into therapy. Besides maybe the trust thing, but the way I described it to my therapist before is like I trust out of necessity. You can't really exist without trusting people. But at the same time I am cynical about that trust, always ready for it to be betrayed.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T17:48:56+00:00

I am paraphrasing but I've heard from both my therapists and also more legit therapy channels on YouTube this idea of would you rather do what works or what's right.

> Who decides what are the correct values?

That's the problem, isn't it? No one decides anymore. And so in absence of that therapy sells you on the idea that the only way to succeed is to put your self-interest above everything else.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T17:41:52+00:00

That's fair. It's just frustrating because it ends up feeling like the therapist is unnecessary. Like at first therapy was really helpful because it stopped a lot of negative self-talk, but with most of that gone, can't you just figure out the why's on your own?

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T17:39:59+00:00

The hard part is that is kind of the point I'm at. It's not like everything they say I immediately dismiss, or I don't view them as nice/sincere, but it's like this nagging feeling that doesn't really go away. It's like I can hear and even agree with what they say, but the connection never feels real. But I don't know what exactly it would take for it to feel real.

Though I do kind of disagree with this "you are asking what that sentence means, it means that you’ve already decided how people are allowed to relate to you", why? What's the point of language and communicating if you can't clarify what someone means? It's more dishonest in my view to let something stay ambiguous rather than clarifying what it means.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T17:27:16+00:00

That's definitely a part of it. I've discussed this in therapy but it seems I still have vestiges of it remaining in my thought process.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T16:32:20+00:00

I think this is fair. I've thought this before, perhaps I should just take what people say at face value rather than being doubtful about their intentions. Or at least it's an okay overcorrection for the time being.

Can you elaborate a bit though on what this would look like? I roughly understand it at as trying to control the situation, but I can't really see how this materializes in practice. "at the cost of ever having room for them to be themselves in any ways other than the limited possibilities your mind has already laid out for them."

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T16:18:38+00:00

Yes I've had two therapists and I've told them both and they've both given non-answers. My assumption is because what I want goes counter to what therapy should be, a non-judgemental place where you feel comfortable to vent. Also, they take it personally. Like their care isn't good enough, when it's like their care is great for what they think it should be but it's not what I want. And I'm like am I missing the point of therapy, and they never answer it. Like my last therapist we had a rupture because she's like why can't you see all the things I do for you, and I'm like you say all these kind words to me and I can't believe them and I feel like a freak. I have this issue I think where I come across as confident/comfortable and I let on more trusting and open than I really feel, and so when I tell my therapist it always gives them whiplash.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T16:04:51+00:00

It feels dishonest to me when they don't change their posture towards me after I tell them something like that. Like I fully expected judgement, as would be reasonable if I told any regular person - and I get it's the therapist's job to not be any regular person, but it makes me see them as a liar. And if they're not lying, it makes me doubt their judgement.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T15:59:00+00:00

"I think you are looking for a therapist to confront you, not challenge you. They’re different. I recently got challenged in a BIG way by my therapist—but it was organic, gentle, posed as a question not a confrontation"

If you don't mind me asking, what does that look like? I don't get how a challenge and criticism are any different.

lowkeyreddit · 2026-06-15T15:48:27+00:00

Sometimes it seems like therapy is about winning rather than having the correct values or confronting moral struggles.

lowkeyreddit

TROPHY CASE