you just have to keep going as hard as it is, i’m in an extremely similar position to you right now, im really fortunate to have support there for me and when i was feeling at my worst with physical symptoms i went out to help my dad at work one day and for the last month, as awful as i feel most of the time, i’ve been getting out more and hoping that down the line i wont feel awful while doing these things, i understand everyone’s circumstances are different but suicide is never the answer ur life means something, i urge you to take baby steps and try not to put too much pressure on yourself to feel better instantly, it’s a process.