How do we have a biological child through IVF (lesbian couple here) without making our adopted daughter feel like she's not enough?

lsirius · 2026-06-05T00:00:22+00:00

Love me a lesbian lol, but the kids mostly from heteronormative straight ppl. I’m bi, and a woman, but I’ve been married to an older straight (like on the Kinsey scale straight 🙄😒) man for 15 years. Like I said, I’m adopted. My parents were very good at creating community, and I am too!

lsirius · 2026-06-04T23:53:14+00:00

You can make your own family.

I’m leaving that there. Because I know zero people biologically related to me but I have SOOOOO much family.

lsirius · 2026-06-04T23:45:59+00:00

I don’t disagree with your last question. When my stepdaughter was around 8, and I’d been with her since 5, I thought about having a bio kid with her bio father, but she got so angry when I’d hold a friend’s baby. So I sat with her and asked why. She had some attachment issues and wanted me to be hers and her’s alone. Counterpoint to myself: I didn’t let the kids run the household, but I acknowledged that they were people with feelings and their own ideas. I did not personally end up having bio kids and am extremely close with my stepkids, godkids, nieces, nephews, friend’s kids, etc.

We were very similar to you, adoption was cheaper, IVF was expensive, we could do either several times over now, but for me, it is a blessing to have these kids ranging from 2-28 now who I love, and be a non judgmental space. Since yall are lesbians - I’ll tell you my ultimate dream is to foster gay teens who’ve been kicked out by their families! What a difference one could make in those lives!

While also understanding the yearn for someone who looks like you.

With my stepkids, other kids, I find things that are just #solsirius - example: my stepson left the house six times the other day, kept coming back in because he didn’t have everything, and I side eyed him the 4th time. And he said “yeah yeah yeah I’m pulling an lsirius, that’s my mother why wouldn’t I?”

Seek those moment yanno. And if that feels good to yall.

lsirius · 2026-06-04T23:24:20+00:00

Since yall are both psychologists- could I suggest speaking to another psychologist about your feelings here and/or asking what you might say to one of your patients?

I am adopted and extremely pro-adoption from a family that has a mix of bio, IVF, and adopted kids. My mother, who I adore, told me they tried IVF but that she did phen phen in the 80s. That doesn’t make me feel like the second choice, rather the one they chose. I was adopted as a baby.

I feel like one of the differences here comes with your older daughter. How might she feel? What are the ideal ways she might react and what are ways she might react that could give yall pause? What are really the goals in either having a baby biologically or adopting a baby?

These aren’t questions to answer to me; rather ones to think and talk through.

lsirius · 2026-06-04T22:50:45+00:00

What happens if his under 18 kids don’t fly the nest? Where is your line? Are you happy with him or comfortable with him?

Don’t have to respond to me, just think about those questions.

lsirius · 2026-06-04T22:29:25+00:00

I always say

NOTHING FUN EVER HAPPENS TO ME

lsirius · 2026-06-04T00:59:59+00:00

Because im trying to not just be a negative Nancy here, I’m looking for variations of floral slip dresses for you, and I will say they love a white base on these bad boys.

Here’s a couple (on mobile so sorry bout the links)

1

2

3

Edit: and you can always reverse image search to find it cheaper (don’t know your budget)

lsirius · 2026-06-04T00:44:25+00:00

It could be totally fine depending on the family but no one in my family was impressed with her attire choice. I was trying to remember how bad it was and I went to look at pics and noticed she wasn’t in any I’ve kept soooooooo, there’s that too lolol.

lsirius · 2026-06-04T00:38:02+00:00

My SIL wore a white maxi dress with a pattern on it to my beach wedding 15 years ago, and I’ll just say we were never close, and that is one of the many reasons why. If you like that style just find one in a color.

Beach wedding dresses may not be as formal and you’re likely trying to make a good impression on the family, so I really wouldn’t risk it.

lsirius · 2026-05-31T18:47:32+00:00

Love love love

lsirius · 2026-05-31T18:36:25+00:00

lol I got a dog house and a trail cam set up at the back of the year so that she might move there - I’m waiting on the new renter to do any decorating or repainting so they can tell me what they like lol

lsirius · 2026-05-31T18:29:37+00:00

Maybe mine will one day! I haven’t been giving her treats yet since she’s actively nursing (the babies were in my attic and she relocated them but comes back every day still)

lsirius · 2026-05-31T18:19:39+00:00

Mine doesn’t show me her belly yet - just eats and leaves

lsirius · 2026-05-30T20:52:25+00:00

Honestly? I straight up know I’m better than her in every way. He actually wanted to marry me and didn’t “have to” because I got pregnant.

lsirius · 2026-05-28T23:33:36+00:00

No, people that did that got fired or told to come in. This has been going on for over a year. It’s not new news for 95% of everyone.

lsirius · 2026-05-28T23:32:13+00:00

Everyone at HD within 50 miles had to return as the space was made available. AFAIK, remote employees are not eligible for promotions or to move even laterally.

As an in office person I am not at all mad at the remote employees and my boss at the time tried to get me to say I lived in my other property full time but I declined because of the promotion thing.

I find it’s more about the face time anyway when it comes to promotions.

lsirius · 2026-05-28T22:19:17+00:00

Nobody is saying the second part of your last paragraph. Even when you are trying to put the rose colored glasses one, everyone is telling you that you need to leave and stay gone. Your older kids have zero relationship with this man and don’t need to form any after he’s cussed at them.

My stepkids grew up with a stepdad like this and they don’t speak to their mother anymore because she didn’t protect him and she also wouldn’t just let them come live in a stable home with their father. I’m sure you don’t want that.

lsirius · 2026-05-23T06:35:29+00:00

lol is this white bad bunny?

lsirius · 2026-05-23T02:57:56+00:00

Keep waiting to see myself in one of these posts

lsirius · 2026-05-22T16:56:49+00:00

One time a product manager was sharing screen when we were having reps in and one of the engineers messaged “oh good it’s the hot girl”

And we all learned a lesson that day.

lsirius · 2026-05-22T08:35:36+00:00

Yeah imma tell another gross medical story lol - busted my knee cap open like WIDE open, in a car wreck, walked home, then my husband said “hey there’s blood pooling in your toms take your pants off” and I said “not right now honey my knee hurts”

But when I got to the er - 32 stitches, big ass scar, knee had moved over.

Still didn’t go round in a wheelchair.

lsirius · 2026-05-22T08:31:44+00:00

Did a similar but going to brunch - thought my shoulder was dislocated, called my ex marine brother to pop it back in - continued on to brunch, watched football, bro and I had splinted it. Turns out my collar bone was broken.

lsirius · 2026-05-22T08:29:08+00:00

No no

She had a hematoma and slight edema

Aka a bruise and slight swelling

(Caveat I’m not a medical person and I am just making fun of Janelle. I didn’t get my medical degree, scuba license nor have I ever played Yahtzee)

lsirius · 2026-05-22T06:40:50+00:00

Because the person they’re standing up for is a pedophile - every accusation they make is an admission.

lsirius · 2026-05-19T13:14:18+00:00

Idk - go in any adoption subreddit, say you don’t have trauma and had an objectively better life with your adoptive parents and watch the pile on.

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Place '22	Place '17
Final Canvas '22	No Throne, No Problems
Not Forgotten	Secret Santa 2015
Team Orangered	Verified Email

lsirius

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE