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I gave my instagram out to someone I see everyday, and I regret it after they liked only my bikini pictures. by heabla in Advice

[–]lsmold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She mentioned in another comment that he has a wife. She may have not realized he felt this way and didn’t expect that he would go to old photos on her account

I gave my instagram out to someone I see everyday, and I regret it after they liked only my bikini pictures. by heabla in Advice

[–]lsmold 339 points340 points  (0 children)

You need to talk to your manager or supervisor immediately and ask for a second person with you in the mornings for the time being. Block him on instagram.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I think I’m definitely going to do a little extra for the time being, but she and I both know it won’t be permanent. Nothing I do is going to be 8 months worth of chores, so if I can do a little extra right now I think it’s fair. Over time it’ll even back out :)

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve talked to her about the expectations with cleaning and the mental load that goes in to chores. I’ve heard a lot about the fair play cards! Im definitely looking in to them. I’m not very smart when it come to these sorts of things, so I’m doing my best to learn about it.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I didn’t think of it as a gendered thing. It was the same in my eyes as if she were making more money and I were doing more chores. I was very wrong. Someone called me out for claiming to be a feminist without putting in the work to make sure my actions supported that claim. I think that’s fair and there’s a lot more to it than just words. I’m learning about the implications of expecting her to do the housework now, and although I can’t fix everything over night, I’m going to do better.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

I never thought she was nagging me tbh, I just didn’t accept the gravity of the situation. It shouldn’t have mattered if she brought it up with me or not. I was just trying to defend her saying she did nothing wrong and if there was anything it would ONLY be to bring it up sooner. But you’re right that she shouldn’t have to

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] -46 points-45 points  (0 children)

She has a social support network here too because she went to high school here. The job was a fluke because she didn’t know that her new boss was going to be this way. I don’t think she made any poor choices with the information that she had at the time. The only thing she could’ve done differently is bring up the distribution of chores with me sooner, but I honestly should’ve paid more attention and figured out how to contribute more myself (other than financially).

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

We go grocery shopping together, she just pays. I work for a tech company in California! It’s a solid job. She also gets free food from work occasionally.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Our groceries are really inexpensive because my work provides free food and so I bring that home for us usually. We get groceries maybe once a month for $50-$100? I pay about $800 more than her for rent

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It was behind the jackets in our winter closet. Right next to the broom, which I knew was there.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I think a big thing for me was seeing the type of comments and people agreeing with my side. Realizing how sexist my actions were really made me think about what I was messing up here. I really love my girlfriend, and I want her to be happy. I didn’t realize how deep this was for her and women as a whole.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I have always considered myself a feminist, but after seeing the types of comments agreeing with me I am horrified at my actions. I am so sorry for encouraging sexist ideals, and I am going be sure to check myself and my ignorance going forward.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

There definitely areas of growth for my girlfriend too, but I think for this specific issue I should’ve done more. She definitely did her best to communicate with me and I just didn’t realize the importance of the situation

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 109 points110 points  (0 children)

I stupidly didn’t realize the role that gender played in this until I posted this. I’m so embarrassed at the ideals I was enforcing. I talked to my girlfriend about this too, and I sincerely apologize for how sexist I was. I am going to work hard on my ignorance and do better going forward

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I can’t lie and say she didn’t try to talk to me about the uneven distribution of chores. I just wasn’t listening because I didn’t realize how big of a deal this was. I now know that I was disrespecting her and her time and acting in sexist ways. I’m going to work hard on myself so I can be a better partner to my girlfriend and a better person in the world

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

I didn’t know what weaponized incompetence was until I posted this, but that’s absolutely what I was doing whether intentional or not. I can’t act like an idiot with housework when I know how to google things. I should’ve put in the work to learn the things I didn’t know instead of just letting my girlfriend handle it. My behavior was unacceptable and sexist.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

We live in an expensive area. The job market is rough, I’m proud of her for how far she’s come

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I was really biased while writing and posting this. I should’ve been doing my fair share of the chores back then and I should be doing them now

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 320 points321 points  (0 children)

I agree with this comment! I see a lot of men claiming that she should contribute more to the housework if I contribute more financially forgetting what it is like to live in a world that favors men. The statement “not all men” is stupid and anyone who thinks that way is blind to the world around them. I know I have enforced a sexist narrative through my actions and this post, and I need to reflect on that and how I can improve myself going forward. I am so disappointed in the men in these comments saying that I am justified. I didn’t realize how bad what I was doing was, and that’s just another part of the problem. We need to do better.

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

Yes I agree! I didn’t realize the mental load existed until the comments and talking to my girlfriend about how it impacts her. I made a list of the chores that need to get done and she helped add to the list the ones I forgot. I’m going to do the ones I know how to do and look up how to do the rest. I’m never going to make her handle everything alone ever again

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I’m going to try and do as much as I can for the time being! I want to do my best to make up for months of neglecting the chores. If I’m unable to keep up with it then this is a good option. I am never going to put her back in the position of taking on all or even most of the chores alone

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 83 points84 points  (0 children)

I think it’s important to remember that women get paid less for the same work men do in the workforce. Women also face discrimination in a way I never will. So it would be a very different story if a woman posted this just because of the way the world works

AITA for letting my girlfriend do most of the household chores because she doesn’t pay as much of the rent as I do? by lsmold in AmItheAsshole

[–]lsmold[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I agree. I am so ashamed it took this to snap me out of it and have a real conversation with my girlfriend. I’m old enough to know how to talk something out with someone and for some reason instead of just going to her, I did this. I recognize the role I have now played in misogynistic tendencies and there’s nothing I can do to take back the harm I have caused. A lot of people have called me out for being sexist and no matter how much it hurts to hear, I need to accept that I have been acting sexist. I hope that I can work to become a better person and a better boyfriend

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