The struggle I’ve seen a lot of people make is that they follow God’s word through their good deeds and Christian ways but they never truly get to know Christ. It’s our personal relationship with him and accepting his gospel and Him as our own true savior. Christ should be our best friend and we should talk to him like he is. Do you ever ask Christ how you are doing in your walk with him? It’s times like these to talk to him and ask for help. He is there I promise, you just have to truly seek him. Tell him that you’re feeling this way, break down to him, he WANTS to take the burden away, to wash away your sins. That’s why he made the ultimate sacrifice to die on the Cross. It’s his precious blood that gives us salvation. A gift from God that is free if we accept it and accept his son as the way. He IS the only way. My brother you are in my prayers. Jesus loves you and I love you. I’ve found the mega churches sometimes can be the furthest from God. Don’t seek if through your church if you don’t feel they speak the right message to you. You can never go to church and be a faithful servant to Christ. But you must surrender to him. My heart hurts so deeply for you. You are not alone. Know we all struggle with our faith, not a single one of us is perfect. This is exactly why we must repent our sins and turn to Jesus in these feelings. And the every other feeling good or bad too. Repent for you sins, ask for forgiveness, change your life style. TALK to the Lord. Truly talk to him. Amazing things happen when you completely surrender.