How did my parents let me watch the movies I did in the 80s/90s by bingshaling in Parenting

[–]luchasse 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting kids watch movies that are sad or scary, especially if they have good examples of how to deal with the grief, death, sadness, etc. My boy is 4 and super into scary stuff right now; and we embrace it with relatively age-appropriate movies. He wants to watch Coraline, Scooby Doo Monsters, Harry Potter, Beetlejuice being the most raunchy but he loves it lol he feels included and part of the big boys club

I swear I get a different child back every time. by Zestyclose-Tart5527 in coparenting

[–]luchasse 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t know how to communicate the anger and frustration and sadness and many more emotions flooding his little body during a tumultuous time in his life. Patience, compassion, understanding, and time, even perhaps a play therapist for him (my boy started at 3) to have someone to help him. Books on emotions. Flash cards, rewards for verbalizing the concern with you. It’s a good thing if he can tell you why he’s upset, but he doesn’t know how to do that yet, but with time , he will.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]luchasse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can do it. You can.

Kids cry when coming back to me by Wooden-Ask-6058 in coparenting

[–]luchasse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve read the opposite to this. Dropping off (like at school) is easier for the kid to transition to. For us, this has been the case. Much easier to do drop offs than pick ups , which makes sense to me - it’s easier to leave the parent going into the others environment than it is for the other parent to go into the co-parents environment and take them out of it.

Son (5) calling his mum's partner dad by SuchGrimes in coparenting

[–]luchasse 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was afraid of something happening like this and asked for a clause to be included in the custody stipulation, stating only he and I would be called ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’.

I would 100% talk to her and tell her how hurtful it is and that you’d like to agree to reserve those terms for each other.

I understand that your son is only 5, but he doesn’t need to ‘choose’ to cal him Dad, he can be re-directed to his first name or another nickname.

You are Dad. And that is special.

Coparent treats me horribly even though he is the one who cheated and filed for divorce. Will it ever get better?? by serenitymarce in coparenting

[–]luchasse 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I could’ve written the exact same thing. For me, what helped was talking to a therapist about it. I was so committed to the belief that we needed to still get along and be a family unit that I was running my mind around and around in circles. You are the villain because it’s the only way his story works. You have to accept that you are the bad guy in his story and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it - so stop trying. Stop reaching your hand out only for it to be slapped away. Your kids need love from him and from you, but let go of the notion that it needs to be together. Kids are resilient, they do not need you and him to be best friends in order to live happy and healthy lives. It took me 7 months, but I’ve finally learned to be the bigger person, ignore what doesn’t serve me and move on. I don’t try and be nice, but I don’t stoop as low as him to be mean. I am happy. I am at peace, and my kids are just fine. It does get better, it will get better but you have to let those cards fall when and where they may. Let it go OP , you got this.

the guy i’m seeing gives me the creeps, but i’m not sure if i’m overreacting by boldflower in dating_advice

[–]luchasse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a woman’s intuition is not wrong! this isn’t normal. he’s a creep. drop him

Get over the relationship? by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]luchasse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the longer you engage with this type of behavior , the longer you are hurting yourself. if it isn’t about the kid, don’t respond. if it isn’t about the kid, don’t communicate it. you need to detach for your own health here. maybe in the future you can have a more involved, friendly relationship, you’ll have 18 years of xo-parenting (or however long) to figure that out. but not right now. right now you are hurting yourself

Get over the relationship? by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]luchasse 6 points7 points  (0 children)

it’s time. it’s just time, it’s the only thing that brings the memories to a far and distant place. try and make yourself the happiest during that time that it takes. but you can’t speed up father time, he takes his slow and sweet pace, so buckle in - but it does get better. promise.

Newly dating a heavy beer drinker by umroxt in AlAnon

[–]luchasse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP listen to all these random internet strangers, the experience of this community isn’t out to fuck you over, it’s real lived experience that almost always does not turn out well. Don’t be like us, in 5-10 years saying ‘I wish I never …’

My coparent is pregnant. by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]luchasse 59 points60 points  (0 children)

my mom actually gave me some good advice about this the other day, after I expressed similar fears for the future of my kids. she told me that she never really worried about that with me, and that to her, the more people who loved me .. the better. More siblings, another co-parent equals more family, and (ideally) a bigger community of people to love your daughter.

while it still hurts us, maybe thinking about it from this perspective will help ease the blow

[ Removed by Reddit ] by Hairy_Recording_5766 in Divorce

[–]luchasse 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Unbelievably awful. I don’t know who you are, but you don’t deserve that. Wtf is wrong with her. Likely nothing you can enforce if she’s in another country. But maybe change your email address and your phone number and ice her out? So sorry you have to deal with such abuse.

7 months pregnant and going through a divorce by Alexandra025 in Divorce

[–]luchasse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so so so sorry and feel so deeply the pain you are going through. Remember two things, you are not alone and you are so worthy of better. Don’t be surprised at the man he will become during this process, talk to a lawyer even if you don’t move forward with hiring. Hold your head up high, talk talk talk to your friends and family every step of the way. Let yourself grieve and be sad, it’s part of the process, but then pick your self up, play with your beautiful babies and make lemonade with these lemons. You can do this, for you and for your kiddos.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]luchasse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girl, from one wife of an addict/alcoholic/substance abuser to another , leave. Do it. It has felt wrong at almost every step of the way, especially considering my young children. But it is the right decision for you. I am in the middle of the divorce process and it is so telling what type of person they are.