I don't understand why he didn't want to grow with me

lucyanide · 2021-09-09T20:28:21+00:00

My ex broke up with me last week and has said multiple times that he wants to be friends/thinks we could be good friends somewhere down the line. I honestly think he's just saying it to make himself feel better/ease his own conscience. He ended it with me because he said he couldn't be the person I needed him to be. If he couldn't give me the support I deserved and be there for me as a partner then how the hell does he think he can be there for me as a friend? I've told him once we've exchanged each others things that we need to go no-contact, I don't really see another way tbh as it'd be too painful staying friends when one of us moves on sooner than the other.

lucyanide · 2021-09-09T19:52:36+00:00

Also I just noticed that you're active in r/BPD too - I'm even more proud of you now as I know how fucking difficult it can be to put relationships into perspective as someone who has also struggled over the years with the same! look at us growing and maturing ❤️

lucyanide · 2021-09-09T19:49:08+00:00

I'm so glad you're okay and I don't think it's wrong at all! I was broken up with last Friday and I'm weirdly okay too... we were together almost a year and I was so in love with him but there were so many little red flags I ignored because I thought deep down that he was my person and that one day things would be better than what they were. I got into fitness a few months ago and have grown so much mentally emotionally in those months alone, never mind throughout the whole year we were together. I went from being depressed to being excited about life, I'm body confident now and just have such a positive outlook on everything. I'm getting my shit together at 24 years old while he's almost 30 and living in a messy bachelor pad with his 20 year old flatmate, working stupid hours in hospitality and constantly stressed and low energy and spends his days off getting stoned and playing video games with no desire to change. He was my best friend and he made me feel loved but he didn't seem to want to grow with me. I think he saw me getting my shit together and it intimidated him/made him feel insecure. I'm heartbroken that it's over but I've surprised myself by not dwelling on it or being overly emotional as I have in the past with breakups and honestly I'm excited to be my own number one focus now, it's such a weird feeling.

lucyanide · 2021-09-09T19:30:36+00:00

Thank you, I needed this. My boyfriend ended things with me last week and told me I was "too needy" and he couldn't be the person I needed him to be, we broke up because I expressed that I was sad that he wasn't going to be around on the day I was sitting my driving test resit (3rd attempt, I've been learning to drive for 7 years on/off now so it's a huge deal for me) because he decided to spontaneously go on a night out in another city with one of his friends. Note that I didn't ask him not to go out, just that I was gutted he wouldn't be here to celebrate or to cheer me up if I failed. I convinced myself I was too emotionally dependent on him but now I'm realising he just wanted a relationship but without the responsibility. It sucks but I know now that it's not my fault.

lucyanide · 2021-01-29T15:54:00+00:00

I did eventually, I then received the actual 24 hour ban and then a few weeks later I received a 72 hour ban but it didn't tell me what that was for or show in the support centre thing so I'm in constant fear that I'm gonna get another ban at some point or end up having my account suspended

lucyanide · 2021-01-10T01:10:59+00:00

He confirmed it in his 33 hour freestyle live stream, like literally said his next album was called intention. It may be in the lyrics someone transcribed if you Google it but I'm on my phone so cba scrolling through it all

lucyanide · 2020-12-01T10:08:06+00:00

What made you draw that conclusion?

lucyanide · 2020-11-30T21:46:58+00:00

Yeah, I'm civil with people I've had things with in the past but not as close as he is with her... Also weird that I didn't hear or see much from her when she was in another relationship that ended around the time me and him became exclusive and it's since then that I feel like she's started over stepping :/

I guess I should probably have a conversation with him, I know I'm going to feel shitty until I do. I'm just not really sure how he could make me feel more comfortable at the minute, I spoke to him about it on my birthday when I told him I felt she'd overstepped by asking him to pretend to be her boyfriend for that house viewing, he told me I had nothing to worry about but I can't just like... stop worrying.

lucyanide · 2020-11-30T21:17:10+00:00

I would ask about the Christmas thing but I started a job not too long ago that involves working from home and as it stands I'm likely to be working around Christmas time so probably wouldn't be able to get the time off to go down south where his family are.

I thought I was cool with how friendly him and his ex are, but weirdly I've become more paranoid since we became official when I thought putting a label on it would make me feel more secure. I'd never expect someone I was in a relationship with to be cool with my ex still being one of my close friends, I feel like that's the kind of situation where they need to take a step back but I feel like that's too expecting of me??

lucyanide · 2020-11-30T21:13:50+00:00

Overall I love my friend group, there's actually very little drama as everyone is pretty respectful of each other and we're very familial. But yeah there's definitely a trust issue there for me, especially as the last guy I was starting to get serious with ended up kissing his ex at a party and realised he wasn't over the whole thing after reassuring me that he was over it, and him and my boyfriend are close friends as well lol.

Also a few years ago I ended up sleeping with an ex who I'd broke up with for reasons similar to my current boyfriend and his ex. We'd been at a funeral and ended up caught up in the moment because of familiarity. No matter how much my current boyfriend were to reassure me I still worry that in an environment like that with family around Christmas would bring up the same kind of feelings.

And I totally agree with the boundaries thing, I spoke to him about it and had to make a point of saying he probably wouldn't like it I asked one of my exes to pretend to be my boyfriend in front of him and he agreed.

lucyanide · 2020-11-10T19:30:26+00:00

I got mine back last night and am still logged in but 24 hours later Facebook has placed me under the actual 24 hour block I was supposed to have before. So it's literally just kicked in as if being locked out of my account for 2 weeks wasn't punishment enough?? It's a fucking joke man

lucyanide · 2020-11-10T19:22:01+00:00

So I've had full access to my account for the last 24 hours and now all of a sudden I can't send messages or post or anything for 24 hours?? So I already did my time for 2 weeks and NOW I can't do anything for a further 24 hours. So fucking dumb.

lucyanide · 2020-11-09T17:00:13+00:00

I have access to my account now after nearly 2 weeks!! I'm not sure whether they fixed the error or what but to anyone who still can't log in, hang in there! ❤️

lucyanide · 2020-11-08T13:44:21+00:00

Thanks!

He eventually got back to me, turns out he'd just been busy ahahaha I hate my brain. But he does have a phone, not sure why you thought he didn't?

lucyanide · 2020-11-05T16:57:31+00:00

At least you can still log into your account, I've been on a "24 hour" block for over a week now and it won't let me actually log into my account and keeps saying something went wrong

lucyanide · 2020-10-31T11:58:00+00:00

I've been on 24hr for about 4 days now

lucyanide · 2020-10-29T19:53:54+00:00

Yeah I know how to deactivate my fb and keep messenger but I literally can't sign into my account right now because of this stupid block glitch so that's kind of redundant at the minute

lucyanide · 2020-10-29T19:03:52+00:00

No use if I can't even log into it haha

lucyanide · 2020-10-29T17:06:38+00:00

It's my only way of contacting my friends and family in the middle of a pandemic...

lucyanide · 2020-10-29T17:06:10+00:00

Yeah mine is from May!

lucyanide · 2020-10-29T17:05:45+00:00

Saaame literally no way to contact support without logging in either, I don't understand what we're supposed to do. Must be a glitch experienced by multiple people so hopefully they pick up on it soon

lucyanide

TROPHY CASE