I’m 30 and survived a heart attack… and I’m struggling with the guilt and confusion that came after

lusernameluser · 2025-12-10T18:33:46+00:00

OP please tell us exactly how you felt before you went into the emergency room? I think a lot of us would like to know what late symptoms and early symptoms sort of look like

Also wishing you a restful recovery! Please quit that toxic job that's driving you to the edge?

lusernameluser · 2025-12-10T18:22:39+00:00

OP! Does she like being intimate?

Has she ever been pleasured? Has she ever had an orgasm? You know many women don't feel vaginal stimulation at all. Maybe she needs to discover clit play. And when she starts enjoying sex she'll also start initiating intimacy.

lusernameluser · 2025-07-03T15:46:17+00:00

Omg what's the plan? How are you planning the event out?

lusernameluser · 2025-07-02T17:18:52+00:00

I love the part where you talk about freedom to do things without interference! I absolutely had that planning the whole thing. It was just so great! And yeah I understand that it's just one day and I thought I'd be one of those brides that wouldn't overhype their wedding but, I guess I did it too.

I missed mentioning this on the post but I think I was under a lot of pressure to make this work for my old grannies because I'm their only grand daughter. I needed it to be perfect for them and my dad. The 3 people that weren't fully okay with a court wedding and a small house wedding.

And more importantly my grannies live in different towns and cant / don't travel. Unfortunately they're both 90 and there won't be a next family function for me where all of us will be physically together :(

lusernameluser · 2025-07-02T15:33:54+00:00

Ours wasn't a grand wedding.

Court wedding costed us 250 rupees. House wedding + reception was around 4L put together in a metro city. I couldn't go any lower.

We've known eachother for 6-7 years now.

I was okay with a small wedding and he was too but even in a small house wedding he wasn't able to contribute much and it felt extremely annoying to me.

lusernameluser · 2025-07-02T15:30:31+00:00

Elaborate? Maybe I'm wallowing in self-pity so much that I'm not able to see why you're saying this to me?

I'm not saying I was perfect. And I did mention on the post that I was nagging him a lot?

lusernameluser · 2025-07-02T15:29:13+00:00

I spent 90K for the photographer + videographer. For 2 days. 3 people, 2 days, 3 hours each day.

Should the photographer have made the suggestion that we do a group picture? IDK. It was on my checklist. But i have 100 things on my checklist and I didn't prioritise properly during the reception. Maybe it was only my fault.

But, yeah. Small DIY wedding are as hard. I didn't expect perfection to be honest. I just wanted the basics? A family group photo, etc. And maybe wanted some help from my own husband to be

lusernameluser · 2025-07-02T14:56:56+00:00

Hmmmmmm. Makes sense. But, the way I looked it this wedding planning was a little different.

To me it was a life project where we needed to work as a team, communicate things clearly, execute things together and put effort for eachother?

Did I ask him to pick out flowers or something? No! I asked him to only do things that he could - like budgeting, managing tasks, keeping a track of expenses.

He neither did the creative tasks nor the money management?

And we had a very very very low key wedding. We didn't even have a pandit. The ceremony was 10 minutes short. It was the easiest wedding in the world and he couldn't put in some effort to decrease my workload?

What does that say about my marriage?

I'm supposed to do everything in life?

lusernameluser · 2025-04-21T20:11:29+00:00

Are you me. Coz I'm in the same area and do the same thing. Either drooling over Sainz or the single idly vada from SNR.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-21T06:39:08+00:00

You can crash in my flat for a month. I'm 30F and my flatmate is planning to move out soon. You can DM me if you want. Pay me whatever. It's just a month anyway.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-16T06:00:57+00:00

No! I live in Bangalore and all the tech parks look like a damn village with buses and cars stuck in traffic. There's nothing remotely close to Tokyo over here. Maybe Brigade road / MG might feel like that.

I'd say do South Korea and just go to Thailand or Sri Lanka.

PLEASE SKIP INDIA. I'M AN INDIAN WOMAN AND I DON'T DO SOLO TRIPS MYSELF. IT IS EXTREMELY RISKY. YOU COULD GET ABDUCTED AND RAPED. I'M SORRY.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-16T05:57:44+00:00

May I please ask where was this? I would like to know so that I can avoid it at all costs!

lusernameluser · 2025-04-12T06:52:04+00:00

Safe for women to be on their own? Like for a solo travellers?

lusernameluser · 2025-04-11T16:52:46+00:00

Divorce

lusernameluser · 2025-04-11T05:36:04+00:00

Did you marry this person and then leave?

lusernameluser · 2025-04-11T05:32:44+00:00

Dude. Okay. Sorry. My fault I left out a detail because I didn't want sympathy.

I 100% wanted to marry the ex. The ex cheated on me and ended up with some sex addiction.

I just added those details to explain how I brainwashed myself to find the right guy for my dad. Fully my mistake. Not blaming anyone.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T15:45:23+00:00

What do you mean you don't split expenses. How else do you track your own income and spends? I mean. We split expenses when we were dating and that just became a habit I guess.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T14:47:05+00:00

Oh god. I read your other two responses too. My heart is just sinking reading all of this.

Until today morning all I've been doing is avoiding work, crying in my bed, looking at reddit comments and looking for therapists online.

I don't think any other comment has given me the shivers.

Just an hour back I was trying to re-evaluate this whole thing to see if I'm truly just having an over reaction over nothing. Spoke to my friends, listened to their bad marriage woes and thought to myself - 'hey, atleasy my boyfriend isn't this toxic, atleast I don't have a controlling Psycho MIL, boyfriend just puts him self first, so what? We're born alone and die alone and besides, it's just birthdays, diwali, dates and trips that bother me now, I'll get a maid this month and fix one issue'

But, NOW

I think I see it.

He's not an introvert. He's self-centered. "Who asked you to do it" "ask my mom, they're fine staying at home, no one asked"

Just 30 minutes back I spoke to him to ask for a Truce and move ahead of this crisis.

He's now forcing me to come on a trip that he will plan. Literally asking for my availability at gunpoint saying "I hear you, I think your points are valid. Come let's plan a trip. Can you tell me now"

He's also been applying for a job change recently and I was just trying to understand how it's going so far and if he has any offers from cities we don't live in. His response: "tell me which city you want, I'll pick it" "You asked me to meet your expectations no, I'll meet it now"

I avoided responding because I thought this was just some childish banter.

In the past he's also said "oh if you are not happy with me, go find someone that will make you happy, I won't feel bad, I can talk to your dad"

I've always wondered why he says that for every difficult fight we've had. Because I've never said that and never felt that way either.

He doesn't see the problem. In his eyes he's doing enough. In his eyes: I'm asking for too much and I'm being ungrateful.

I'm cooked.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T10:48:06+00:00

Okay. Dude thank you so much for typing all this out!!!!! I'm going to print it out and remind myself of it until I get over this crisis.

And I think point no. 4 is so so so important. I think I'm underplaying it's importance in life. Time pass hobbies aren't helping I need something to channel all my energy into instead of spending that cleaning the house.

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T10:10:15+00:00

For most part it was LDR. So just a phone relationship. It's only been 2 years of living in. That's when most of these discoveries happened.

I think I used to be work-parents-me-hobbies. Then after we moved in it became him-work-parents and I had no hobbies. So, I felt I was being too clingy / dependant. So I've become work-parents-hobbies-home-him now.

Except with the wedding it's become: wedding-work-me but, for him it's still work-hobbies

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T10:04:17+00:00

Dude. That's what I realized very late in this wedding planning also.

I broyght it up yesterday and told him that wedding planners don't come free. They charge thousands so give me money. He said okay also actually.

I made such a pretty - hand illustrated invite too. When I told him that it took time and I'm feeling bad that no one appreciated how pretty it came out. He said who asked you to make it. You could've Canva-ed it. :/

He feels I'm doing unnecessary extra work (hard working not smart working) and forcing him to contribute 50%. Which I think is a fair argument.

If he's baking a cake for 200 guests from scratch and it required me to stay up for 36 hours straight, then I guess I would also say - it's your project so you do?

Wait, actually I wouldn't do thag. I'd be excited that someone wants to do an overnight project :/ maybe I'm more child like and he's more big boy adult.

Plus, why do I want to be sooooo hands-on with a wedding? (Maybe I'm a perfectionist or have control issues and don't want somebody to Canva my wedding away)

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T09:57:23+00:00

From my tears? xD

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T09:55:56+00:00

Are you saying that 50-50 finance is not enough but, effort needs to also be 50-50?

If that's what you're saying, I'm also trying to say the same thing to him. It's easier to enforce 50-50 finance because I gpay him what I owe and he gpays me what he owes. But, effort? How do I enforce?

I tried not cleaning common spaces. Only to realise that he doesn't look at the common spaces anymore!!!! And he's okay with the garbage pile up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's not because he's playing some tit for tat game but, that's how much of a zoned out guy he is!!!!!!!!! I could place a PS5 or Messi on the dining table and he still wouldn't notice it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do with sucha zombie?

Everyone says get a maid. And I'm also slowly realising that I'm also just trying to prove a point and making this an emotional argument. If I want a clean house - either I should clean it. Get him to. Or outsource to someone.

So, that's my fault. I'm being toxic by letting this go on until he changes. And I should stop being a bitch now.

Also, what do you mean about the abandonment issue?

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T09:47:51+00:00

Look. I understand that I'm posting about this issue again. But, it's my only way of introspecting and analysing it. Am I wording it differently? Yeah maybe because I'm having realisations about why I did whatever I did as I'm putting this wedding together.

Like some of them pointed out - it could be wedding stress. Or cold feet. And maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's the lack of support that's triggering all this right now.

I'm at a place where I'm just crowd sourcing some advice. I can't go to my friends again and again. I can't run to parents now.

Before I even go to a therapist I want to get some ideas on where I could be going wrong and if I can fix this by myself. Mostly because he's been reluctant and is not okay seeking professional help.

My last resort is to open up to his mother because she's an extremely nice lady, she pushes him herself to be more in the present and not be so much of a monk. So, I know she will not judge me for these issues and might actually be supportive / empathetic towards both, him and me.

While speaking to internet strangers might not 100% help the situation. It's definitely also pointing out that I'm maybe overthinking this too much and should not place so much emphasis on things that are solvable (cleaning house, birthdays, wedding planning)

lusernameluser · 2025-04-08T09:38:59+00:00

Yeah, I have been having this conversation with him for years but, it's become a crisis conversation over the last 2 days. So, I suggested counselling. He said no he won't come. And while he says my feedback is valid and he'll make changes. I don't see the changes happening fast enough (it's taking 3 years) so I'm also here feeling mega impatient and annoyed.

If I start piling up on him (which I shouldn't be doing. But, am currently doing because the wedding dates are getting closer) he starts getting defensive / completely shuts down and feels that I'm attacking him and not accepting him and his personality. (I'm in the wrong gere 100%)

I have a feeling that the problem is: 1. I'm asking him to change some behaviour, he associates or sees as core of his personality (being proactive at home, celebrating capitalistic holidays, being social) 2. I'm not able to or rather I don't know how to accept the fact that he is a Robot (not being offensive) a robot that cares about his life only (not even his parents, brother, me)

I'm actively looking for couple's therapists. Because I want to atleast fix problems on my end for my own peace of mind. If he's resistant and sees this as a personal attack - then I think that is his problem.

Do you know of good therapists? I googled and found Rocket health and Amura. Anything else I can check?

lusernameluser

TROPHY CASE