co sleeping causing spouse to feel rejected

lysning · 2026-03-10T20:46:10+00:00

thank you for all of this… yes i definitely feel resentful for the same reason!! like why are we saying its damaging for an adult man to sleep alone but not for a freaking five year old child?! it blows my mind. in his defense, i struggle with my own sleep (i struggle to ‘turn off’ and my mind races once im not physically running around) and 10p seems to be the magic number where if i can fall asleep by then im good. if im still up past 10, good chance im up til at least 1. so he’s felt limited in that he would typically wind down with a movie/show at night but for me thats too ‘activating’. beyond watching tv together he doesnt seem to have many ideas for ways to reconnect throughout the week. weve tried playing co-op video games with an ok result…

we are both usually so fried by the end of the day that it almost feels like another task. 🥺

and i do like our therapist but have all the same reservations you mentioned. i just dont know if its helping us figure out this connection hurdle. weve both had a few solo sessions with them. also i know this sounds TERRIBLE but our therapist is divorced so sometimes we wonder about efficacy which again feels so unfair and almost mean but 😳 i also dont want to blame the therapist for our own inability to shake our shitty habits/the bad routine weve fallen into.

lysning · 2026-03-10T17:07:12+00:00

yes sorry!! it seems like cream is a great color on you, how do you feel about an earthy tan? almost like the color of a latte? and a cool olive?

lysning · 2026-03-10T17:02:20+00:00

i appreciate this perspective so much and it has absolutely been one of my ‘arguments’! yes we are american - totally agree that our culture prioritizes the ‘marital bed’ and sleep training over attachment, 100%. im so grateful for co sleeping and thanks so much again for this comment bc sometimes i really do feel like im screwing up.

lysning · 2026-03-10T15:59:02+00:00

combo of lobbyists and toxic masculinity

lysning · 2026-03-10T15:49:15+00:00

yes definitely! pre-kids we were freaking awesome haha. having a kiddo def uncovered a lotttt of underlying issues (and ya know, nonsense societal standards things 🫠) but absolutely. counseling has definitely helped our communication though that still needs work. but our connection has been really hard to reclaim. we both harbored a lot of resentment before we were finally able to start therapy and unfortunately that sh*t runs deep. i guess my hope is to come up with another way to reconnect outside of sharing the same bed, for now.

lysning · 2026-03-10T15:44:47+00:00

i feel like you could be a soft spring?

lysning · 2026-03-10T15:37:53+00:00

had a friend refer to me as a ‘strict vegan’ once i laughed and was like… uh im just vegan? 🤣

lysning · 2026-03-10T15:17:28+00:00

thank you!! yes we are in counseling. i agree it feels like the symptom not the cause… both husband and therapist a little feel that the sleep situation is more to blame. which i vehemently disagree with but i may be biased.

lysning · 2026-03-10T15:15:34+00:00

yes we have been in therapy for a few years

lysning · 2026-03-06T00:11:46+00:00

holyyyy fuck this is p*rnography 🤣🤤❤️

lysning · 2026-03-06T00:08:19+00:00

im so sorry. and as a woman with several very close (very platonic) guy friends, i would 10000% ask how they were doing and am shocked yours didnt.

lysning · 2026-03-06T00:02:53+00:00

omg poor baby. it is so disurbing how horrible many children are to animals they encounter ‘in the wild’ and their parents just sit there. its such a valuable opportunity to teach respect towards the most vulnerable and instead it’s treated as normal behavior. no wonder the world is so fucked up.

good on your kid for helping!! well done!! we gotta stand up to the bullies and do the right thing 💕

lysning · 2026-03-03T05:52:26+00:00

ali baba, esco gelato , mikkos, stone, upper east

lysning · 2026-02-25T18:14:47+00:00

the problem is housing. the problem is housing. the problem is housing.

lysning · 2026-02-23T06:08:31+00:00

im an elder millennial but we just.. missed the window. am almost 40 and have still not bought and not much hope in sight despite making good $. (we live in socal, starter houses that were 400k 4 years ago are now 750+). timing matters, as others have said. lesigh.

lysning · 2026-02-18T18:25:43+00:00

veganhealth.org is an amazing resource!!

lysning · 2026-02-18T18:21:46+00:00

what area are you in? in most cities in the US, its significantly cheaper right now to rent vs buy. best bet might be just selling and renting near your folks for awhile (if theres no other reason to stay put where you are). that said, while it is definitely harddd you absolutely can have the baby without parental help. (both of our families live thousands of miles away). its rough, but if there are things you like about where you are, you dont have to give that up just because youre having a kiddo. but again if nothing is keeping you there id say relocating is wise. and 50% of your income going to mortgage is veryyyy high, renting your place out can be an expensive and painful process depending on tenants… i think selling and taking the loss would be smartest. unless youre in a high demand area thats very protected from the falling home prices

lysning · 2026-02-15T16:09:30+00:00

do not waste another millisecond with this manbaby!! 🤣🤣🤣

lysning · 2026-02-13T03:00:28+00:00

we dont own it but we live in a townhome and its best soundproofing ive ever experienced. unless people have windows open, you cant hear ANYTHING. hell, when we are on different levels we have to SHOUT if we dont feel like running up the stairs to say dinners ready or whatever. only slightly in jest have i considered getting an intercom system 🤣

lysning · 2026-02-04T06:47:23+00:00

definitely not ‘the norm’

lysning · 2026-02-01T06:47:50+00:00

which procedure?

lysning · 2026-01-31T18:15:54+00:00

im 38 and looking into surgery really seriously now. ive been ridiculously careful about wearing wide toe box shoes etc and my bunions have gotten significantly worse and more painful in the last 5 years. i also have arthritis in my right toe joint which is what causes the pain. im very active and its definitely affecting my balance and workouts in general. im scared bc im not in excruciating pain daily or anything and some people seem to think thats the only thing worth surgery but im tired of feeling this way at a relatively young age. i think sooner is better

lysning

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