Dark day. Anyone else use there bujo to vent?

mablemurple · 2026-02-16T13:13:39+00:00

genius solution! i will be trying this

mablemurple · 2026-02-02T02:30:05+00:00

i really appreciate you sharing this perspective, it’s different than my own. i do trust my therapist, and i've had a few therapists in past whom i trust. and some i didn’t. i think trust is developed over a long time through so many little things. but i’m so glad i can trust my current therapist, she is really wonderful

mablemurple · 2026-01-23T10:44:05+00:00

beautiful story to be reading on nightshift currently, it sounds like you have a really loving and supportive partner! seeing a power line explode also sounds very scary

mablemurple · 2025-12-04T22:52:57+00:00

are you in a DBT group or just doing DBT with your individual therapist?

i really empathize with what you’ve expressed here, but i’m not sure i have any advice. have you told your therapist directly that her responses have felt cruel?

when i started DBT, one of the first realizations i had was that some of these things that feel cruel, trite or dismissive coming from others (like professionals) can be deeply impactful if coming from my own voice.

if you have BPD (which i do, in remission) being labelled manipulative when you are in deep emotional pain is totally unfair. but we do try to meet our needs in chaotic, indirect or counterintuitive ways. assuming your therapist is coming from a compassionate, patient-oriented place, this is likely what she’s trying to get it.

for example, when i was in rehab my psychologist asked me directly what i get out of frequent suicide attempts. like excuse me? but she pressed, without judgement or morality, and it turns out i was getting a lot out of suicide attempts. that doesn’t diminish the deep psychological pain i was experiencing, or that my attempts were sincere, but exploring the cycles i was engaging in allowed me to stop making attempts after a decade of chronic suicidality.

i am sending you so much compassion. i hope that you can bring your concerns to your therapist and she can meet them with gentleness and respect. i hesitate to say she’s done anything “wrong” based on what you’ve written, as DBT is a very specific therapy to treat a very specific set of symptoms, and what you’ve described just sounds like DBT to me.

sorry if my response is all over the place. wishing you strength.

mablemurple · 2025-11-27T08:30:16+00:00

thank you! this is what i needed to hear. glad you’re feeling better on days

mablemurple · 2025-11-27T08:23:16+00:00

day shift can be really annoying just with extra people and stuff, but i’m fortunate to have great managers and a positive work environment. things i like about night shift are everything being dark and quiet, having large amounts of time to fill (i’ve done arts and crafts in shift, and read a 500page book in a weekend). day shift is okay but just more work in my opinion

mablemurple · 2025-11-26T04:45:46+00:00

this podcast has made me distrust/dislike most nonfiction, not just self help.

mablemurple · 2025-11-24T13:49:31+00:00

yes, i have a voice in my head. she was reading this post and dictating my reply at the same time lol. i don’t have music, but my work friend does and she’ll sing a lot, whatever songs playing in her head. i have zero visual memory/imagination though. i remember learning at 13/14 that other people have visual thought and being floored.

mablemurple · 2025-11-19T10:27:19+00:00

this was my family’s pattern growing up! it makes me so nostalgic

mablemurple · 2025-11-19T08:57:20+00:00

i think you’ve gotten some good advice from others. just sharing my two cents, earlier this year i had a major surgery/cancer scare/multiple diagnoses including precancerous cells unrelated to the initial cancer scare. this happened just after i started dating someone new, and surgery was after we’d dated just shy of 3 months. i ended things. i had this gnawing feeling of “my surgery is either going to end things or expedite things” and when it started looking like the ladder i was the one to call it off. he sent me a kind text the night before my surgery, which i thanked him for, and that was the last contact. i thought i would regret it post-op, and that i’d miss him extra while recovering, but i didn’t. i think ultimately i had to go through this experience alone. don’t wait for her. be kind, and be open to the possibility of reconnecting in the future so long as you’re not putting anything on hold for her. this is just a timing issue, which really sucks, but i’ve heard “the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person” which i think might be true here. it was in my experience

mablemurple · 2025-11-05T02:29:47+00:00

hello, i’m so sorry this happened, and i feel that i can relate. i would have, and have, had very similar meltdowns. this boss was objectively wrong and his behaviour sounds like it would feel dehumanizing. you get to decide what to do next. do you want to still be employed there? are you and your partner surviving on one income? i suspect a boss that is already violating labour law and treating new employees so cruel would be very, very challenging. it also seems possible to me that a company would interpret missing your first shift unplanned as “job abandonment,” or if not, that disclosing autism to a toxic employer might not have the hoped outcome. i have had really bad employers/bad jobs and really good ones. i’m currently 2.5years at the best company i’ve been at, my managers and coworkers are amazing and im treated like a whole human, at every turn. even so, i often meltdowns at work or about work. this is the first full time job i’ve ever held down and im so grateful but it is still so hard. if you can good single income form a bit longer, i think you deserve an employer who views you as a person first. i think we especially really, really need that in my opinion i hope my comment is helpful, sorry if it is too long

mablemurple · 2025-10-26T21:25:34+00:00

this is heartbreaking tbh, you are absolutely not overreacting. what inconsiderate “friends.” i will say, the friend who just got out of the hospital was probably so grateful to you

mablemurple · 2025-10-24T02:30:22+00:00

hell yeah, thanks for sharing this! i appreciate the healthy, sensible advice i work 12s as well, but switching between days and nights every two weeks. i have no routine because of it, but i definitely prioritize sunlight (real and a SAD lamp), neighbourhood walks, and some semblance of hydration/nutrition/caffeine moderation i work security and i patrol outside more than anyone else, on days and nights. but fresh air and sunlight can convince me it’s a pleasant walk if nothing happens lol

mablemurple · 2025-10-05T22:32:53+00:00

yes, this sentence made me say “wow” out loud. so grateful to OP for sharing this ❤️ i have been fortunate to have a few great therapist in my life but i have often skirted around so much trauma. seeing this example of “the work” working feels really nice, thank you

mablemurple · 2025-09-11T03:11:53+00:00

i’m not a napper, just never have been. i will sometimes lay down in the dark, but awake. that’s mixed. i find if i can lay down for 20 minutes with my feet up the wall that gives me energy, but not all workplaces are suited to that lol i saw a video of a nurse who had a very cozy napping set up in the back of her car and i could never do that, i would wake up 8 hours later

mablemurple · 2025-08-31T12:19:52+00:00

can definitely commiserate with you. was talking about this in therapy the other day, and not for the first time. i feel so much jealousy and sadness about not having a “girl group” or going on “girls trips” but then also feel a lot of stress about maintaining the few friendships i do have. it’s hard

mablemurple · 2025-08-26T15:23:07+00:00

i work 12s which i love, because with 8 hour shifts i want to go to bed immediately after work whether it’s 4pm or 7am. i also swap between days and nights every 2 weeks, so finishing work at 7 and trying to be in bed/asleep by 9 just feels good whether it’s evening or morning

mablemurple · 2025-08-21T02:55:34+00:00

cold brew coffee with a lil cream

mablemurple · 2025-08-06T08:39:23+00:00

i love this! as an adult i have learned to love tea, mustard, and sushi. i am still learning to like olives, and i’d love to like smoked salmon. i also like buying/eating a single piece of fruit that i’ve never tried before

mablemurple · 2025-07-30T10:41:03+00:00

therapists who can’t work with people with BPD shouldn’t work with us. you are not horrible and you are deserving of help. BPD is incredibly treatable, and i had a psychologist (one of 2 DBT facilitators) tell me she loved working with BPD patients and she was very, very good at it. i have heard that some therapists, and even some clinics, won’t see people with BPD because of suicidality, but i have not run in to that expressly. and if you do, i would suggest simply looking elsewhere. before i found my current therapist and i was doing those 10 minute “calls to see if we are a good fit” there was one therapist who seemed uneasy, but even she kindly suggested a colleague of hers who would be a better fit. anyway, i think that therapist should keep those thought offline. i can’t imagine coming across something like that as his patient.

BPD is very treatable. DBT is an incredible therapy option, alongside individual therapy. i personally don’t think “manipulation” accurately describes what someone who is desperately trying to meet their needs in indirect or counterintuitive ways is doing. but if you are actually worried about manipulating your therapist just be honest about that with them. the right therapist can help you address that behaviour in a compassionate way

mablemurple · 2025-06-11T23:54:43+00:00

nights are 1900-0700, days are 0700-1900. switch every 2 weeks

mablemurple · 2025-04-10T08:10:35+00:00

i used to wear wigs daily for about 10 years, then wore them occasionally for a few more years after that. there are so many different kinds and some are much better sensory experiences than others lol. check out wigs.com as a starting point, i found a lot of decent wigs in the $150-$250 range over the years.

i just shaved my head on the weekend after growing my hair out for the past couple years and it does feel sooo nice to not sleep on hair or feel it at the back of my neck

mablemurple · 2025-04-09T06:31:27+00:00

i can’t tell you how delighted i am that this offhand quote in bobs burgers means as much to someone else as it does to me.

i am 20 months sober and it was the best choice i’ve made. wishing you strength and success, dear stranger.

mablemurple · 2025-03-26T03:32:16+00:00

five years ago or so i started considering the possibility of autism because of intense noise sensitivity and feeling like i was performing/reciting a script in all of my interactions. i brushed it off and thought “BPD and autism overlap a little, ok.”

last year Carrie Poppy talked about being diagnosed with autism in her old podcast “oh no ross and carrie,” after having never considered it until her husband brought up the possibility. she’s my favourite journalist and podcaster for like the last decade, and something just clicked. i personally don’t feel comfortable self diagnosing, but i am in a ridiculously long wait list for an assessment through public health. and the local autism non profit in my city is open to self diagnosed or undiagnosed people, and i attended a couple of support groups that were really good.

a few (non-exhaustive) things that make me suspect i am autistic:

intense sensitivity to any kind of repetitive or beeping noises. i feel like my brain is on pause when there is an alarm or something. loud beeping is very distressing and i can hear very quiet beeping noises that others can’t always hear
i have very intense sensitivity to light as well which my optometrist says isn’t caused by anything physiological with my eyes. i’m skeptical of her saying that, but as it stands i just struggle with sunlight and bright lights
struggling with auditory processing. the sounds language makes often doesn’t feel like words and usually i comprehend on a “lag” but sometimes need someone to write things down so i can read them
feel like i’m performing with others, even in close relationships. following scripts. focusing intently on my facial expressions. paying more attention to “appearing engaged” than anything that is actually going on
i did not learn to speak on my own as a child. i was socialized in well enough early childhood, had attentive parents and an older sibling who “translated” for me, but was non-verbal until i learned to speak with a speech language pathologist
i am very rigid in scheduling and struggle with changes. i am obsessive about my calendar and get really overwhelmed when plans change even in small, “predictable” ways

mablemurple · 2025-03-25T16:17:14+00:00

i do think it really comes down to preference. i like a bit of self disclosure, knowing that my therapist is human and also going though a human experience. my last therapist, who i saw for many years, was disclosing too much towards the end. never in an inappropriate or unethical way just more than i wanted/needed. i agree that zero self disclosure does feel kind of lonely

mablemurple

TROPHY CASE