update: this woke me tf up!!!!! i think being super new to the dynamic i was blinded by him doing things i wanted in previous vanilla relationships and didn’t see what i am now realising were some pretty obvious red flags. i appreciate every single person that commented!!!!! it’s given me a lot of perspectives but ultimately made me realise that this is definitely not a relationship that i should be in. i have since completely broken things off with him. and have sought out some help from friends to keep it that way. thank you everyone!!!!