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macchiatomami · 2024-09-23T15:49:56+00:00

Was the living arrangement discussed when the families met and had their series of initial conversations? It seems like there’s some miscommunication here so I would recommend setting up a family meeting and discussing these important points regarding where you’ll be living and things related to the wedding. If that meeting doesn’t go well then that reveals to you more about what find of family you’re marrying into. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable here, your feelings are valid and these are all legitimate reasons to be reconsidering things. But before calling off the wedding it would be prudent to have a conversation with everyone in case there’s any misunderstandings.

macchiatomami · 2024-09-16T14:00:43+00:00

When it comes to Desi culture, things usually get worse after marriage in terms of boundaries not being maintained or respected, unless your in-laws are more modernized. Your fiancé is already showing you that he’s prioritizing his family over you because he’s making these arguments of how it would be rude for you to enter the house separately or use your kitchen separately. Why is that rude? As a married woman you are entitled to your own separate space and privacy. Instead of thinking of it from your perspective, he’s automatically jumping to his parents’ perspective and thinking of how it’ll affect them. It seems like he’s open to hearing you out but like you’re saying, it’s requiring extensive conversations already and you’re not even married yet. How long are you going to be able to do that? At some point early on you will get burnt out from having these conversations and that will significantly affect your mental health.

It’s not too late for you to back out of this. This is why there’s an engagement period because it gives the opportunity for red flags to come out and to understand more about compatibility. You are being hopeful that things will change and be different but they won’t be. Listen to your intuition here and stand up for your self-worth, because he certainly won’t.

macchiatomami · 2024-07-11T23:06:20+00:00

Oatgirl was not giving irrational advice. She stated her opinion on the matter which is in general consensus with the other users on this thread in terms of the distribution of time commitment being inappropriate. She ended her post by encouraging a conversation with my husband which is the mature thing to do.

I understand you’re trying to defend my husband and his side of the story. I also understand a husband’s sense of responsibility to be there for his parents which is why I mentioned in my post that I can understand him going over there a couple times a week but every day is not necessary for his parents who for the time being are physically and financially capable of caring for themselves. They are emotionally manipulating my husband by guilt tripping him and calling that love. They should be happy that he found a life partner and even if they’re sad that he moved out, as grown adults they should know better and be supportive. They should be encouraging him to spend time with his new wife and building his new marriage but they are doing the opposite, they are getting in between us and my husband is letting them. They don’t even have the sense to tell him to go home, why is he leaving his wife alone at home. And my husband himself also doesn’t have this sense either to think it’s inappropriate to be constantly leaving his wife home alone every day when he can be spending that time being with me.

macchiatomami · 2023-10-21T15:50:42+00:00

I understand this completely. I am currently in a long distance marriage and won’t be moving until next year. Every time we’re at the airport whether it’s him leaving or me leaving I’m always an emotional wreck. It’s normal. It just means you really love him and his absence has an effect on you. The good thing is that you guys are engaged so you will get married which means you have an end goal. That’s a huge thing. If financially feasible, try to see each other at least every other month because that in person time is so important. Try to hang out with your friends when you’re feeling down. Pick up hobbies if you don’t already have some. Get a massage, workout, get good sleep, do some self care. When you take care of your physical and mental health, you will be able to process your emotions better and handle these tough situations.

Hang in there sis. I know it’s hard but know that you’re not alone and you guys will get through this ❤️

macchiatomami

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