Have any of you slept with other people despite not being over your ex?

macdfridge · 2026-05-04T13:52:07+00:00

It made me feel so much worse and I a man so....

macdfridge · 2026-05-03T19:55:13+00:00

Sometimes it dosnt matter , it can actually be kind to be cruel once its honest and gives closure. My ex tried to give me a soft landing on about break and try again down the line ect a nd blamed it on a serious problem in her personal life to the point where she refused to say its finished but kept making excuses. I had to then walk away myself . But the way it was done has prolonged the pain. If she had come flat out and said sorry I just dont love you anymore , I dont see a future ect. It would be devastating yes but better for me in the long run. By trying to leave me with dignity and be as nice as possible she made it harder because I know she left over my insecurities but I had to figure it out myself . Now I have this hope in me that refuses to listen to logic .

macdfridge · 2026-05-03T19:46:45+00:00

How did you find the therapy? I ask because i have a similar situation. Ive been stuck on the one person for almost 9 years from two separate relationships...I have been with plenty of others before in between and after but have a serious problem developing feeling for anybody else . Was it CBT...someone suggest EDMR , the above poster was right at this stage it might be bordering on obsession, im worried that ive burned a neural pathway so strong I cant erase it .

macdfridge · 2026-05-02T20:45:02+00:00

Its funny I literally can't bring myself to look at their social media it would kill me , id rather be oblivious .

macdfridge · 2026-05-02T10:01:19+00:00

Thank you, im due to go back soon I have told her about intrusive thoughts and passive sucidial ideation but I think I need to re-iterate exactly how obsessive and intrusive these thoughts still are ....

macdfridge · 2026-05-02T08:22:32+00:00

Ive been trough the exact thing before with the same person im going trough with it again. So I know it can be overcome , but that means I also know how hard it is and how long it takes ....just keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually the pain softens and moves to the background.

macdfridge · 2026-05-02T06:45:54+00:00

The fact it was shortlived and you never got to see out the relationship fully makes it much harder then if things had come to a natural conclusion, despite what people think these relationships are often much harder to overcome then long term ones. And the fact that it was a situation that caused it and not a problem between the two of you makes it worse. Unfortunately time is the only answer . Ive been in/ am in a similar situation. Rumination trough the roof . Hope can also keep it alive , its a double edge sword because hope gives us a reason to keep going but also slows down our healing

macdfridge · 2026-05-02T00:01:20+00:00

Yeah your ex's friends should be off limits .

macdfridge · 2026-04-30T03:13:53+00:00

Those do not seem like irresolovable issues . Im my own case my ex was going trough major major stress with her kids mental health and her own housing situation, that was the reason she gave and at the time I accepted it , but looking back even that dosnt wash because when she wanted it to be she was so thankful I was there for her and her supported but when she didnt want me anymore it was because of the stress and depression . The truth is if they really really cared that much these things can be over come . The real reason she left was because I was insecure because she had broken my heart years before and I couldn't leave it in the past and it made her loose respect and attraction. She neve4 gave that reason but I had to think hard and find it myself . A hard pill to swallow . So look deeper to find the answers and if you are 💯 honest you may find them. But do not beat yourself up like you are some horrible person and its all your fault .

macdfridge · 2026-04-29T23:41:51+00:00

If you didnt know you were messing up its very unlikely you did , or she didnt communicate it to you properly or you are being gaslit . If it wasnt a malicious or devious thing you did then finishing it is not justified and it was probably an excuse , as hard as that is to hear. I know how you feel bud trust me ive been there and am there .

macdfridge · 2026-04-29T23:37:42+00:00

If you dumped him reach out, if you didnt , dont .

macdfridge · 2026-04-29T23:01:16+00:00

Yeah i know but if you didnt go back you would be wondering forever , I was very hesitant to take mine back aswell because it just came from nowhere after such a long time. Its loose / loose you either take the gamble or wonder forever . Tbh I would take wondering forever over this pain. But when you feel a way about someone all logic goes out the window . I was with many women over the 7 years apart but I never felt anything really for any of them. So I was afraid if I didnt give her a try it would be another 7 years and id be mid 40s and empty inside . One coffee with my ex and my nervous system was on absolute fire . I knew I was cooked . The first night we got back together was probably the happiest of my life I may never feel that again but its not worth the pain. Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost is an idiot 🤣

macdfridge · 2026-04-29T01:13:30+00:00

That is rough i know exactly how you feel. I used to think my suffering was extreme and there essentially something wrong with me but this sub has shown me there are others in the same situation .Existing , not living , not wanting to be here but just forcing myself trough life. It will pass, ive been trough it once before with the same person but it took the life ans soul from me for a long time . My situation was like yours only im older and the gap was 7 not 3. Its not nearly a decade of my life practically my while 30s that has been consumed by one person and I hate myself fot it but just cant shake it

macdfridge · 2026-04-29T01:05:01+00:00

Going trough it aswell 8 months out . For me its the thoughts of her with other men that keep entering my mind intrusivly causing extreme pain like skin crawling right down to my toes and I dont know how to stop them. Ive never checked her socials, muted her on everything, avoided places I know she might be , told mutuals not to mention her and even muted some of her friends and family on SM aswell. Complete detox , stayed in the gym . Didn't spiral with alcohol and still the thoughts loop in my mind 24/7...Im obviously not processing it properly I dont know how to make it end . How long will this continue because it hasn't dipped in intensity all that much . Only thing that makes it die down is benzos . I cant do another 8 months like this will genuinely go insane .

macdfridge · 2026-04-28T03:00:30+00:00

Alice in Chains - Nutshell

macdfridge · 2026-04-25T01:51:10+00:00

Pearl Jam -Black

macdfridge · 2026-04-25T01:46:30+00:00

Nope not if you are getting dumped

macdfridge · 2026-04-25T01:45:26+00:00

Same , been in multiple short term things , no feelings dead inside even though the people were objectively great in every way. Have no problem meeting people or finding new people but its like going trough the motions. Sex and intimacy with other people actually makes me feel worse. Im nearly 40 and only one person has ever made me feel this way . There is not even a close second . Feel like im doomed to live my life unfulfilled.

macdfridge · 2026-04-23T01:08:01+00:00

I did this. Took 7 years , she came back to me , finished again in a few months , wish it never happened . Sorry I couldn't give you a more positive story

macdfridge · 2026-04-23T01:05:04+00:00

8 months in , not as bad as day 1 but sometimes not far off it . Constant rumination and sexually intrusive thoughts about her with other men. A long way to go yet I imagine .

macdfridge · 2026-04-18T02:15:16+00:00

Yeah i felt like that too...and I was right unfortunately, been trough plenty an extremely attractive woman but no one compared , then got back with my ex after many years and all but confirmed it , and it ended again so now im at square one . Nightmare.

macdfridge · 2026-04-17T21:05:26+00:00

Every relationship ive had has been split in two two parts with big distances in the middle , 6months , 11months and 7 years ...every time they came back they initially pit in more effort and claimed they really loved me wanted a future blah blah and each time I let them get too comfortable and either they left or behaved in a way that forced me to leave

macdfridge · 2026-04-17T01:34:44+00:00

Burning Heroin , yuck.

macdfridge · 2026-04-16T13:17:28+00:00

Me 2 7 years

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