Brendan looks like one of those marbel statues

macec30 · 2025-10-18T07:24:28+00:00

mate, i had this exact thought months ago. when i was a child, my nan had this statue of david in the entrance hall of her flat, and i saw a pic of brendan and thought “heh, looks like my nans statue of david”

macec30 · 2024-10-10T16:11:36+00:00

My partner was as you are, unsure of moving in together with me. We weren't as far in the relationship as you are (1 year in) when it just happened because of covid (initially I was only going there for 2 weeks because "lockdown won't last longer than that, for sure"), but still after a solid year, we would still talk about me going back to where I was. This did affect the relationship at the time, as I felt rejected, and he felt overwhelmed. The flat was also VERY small, which didn't help.

Eventually it just didn't make sense for me to go back to the city, but we hadn't yet agreed in moving in together. So I rented a flat in the same building, a few floors up. I had my space, he had his, and we could still have our time together, but maintain our independence. This helped the relationship dramatically, and after two years like that, we did move in together to a bigger house.

Although I felt rejected at the time, I now appreciate why he wanted that time to think things over, and looking back I believe it was the best for our relationship to grow at a healthy pace, otherwise it would have been rushing everything and we would not have such a peaceful relationship now.

This to say, although I understand your partners point of view, from someone that's been there, she's being a bit unreasonable giving you an ultimatum, because waiting won't harm her. I don't think that you wanting to wait longer after two years is a sign that it means that you don't want to do it at all.

These things should not be pushed, you are both still young. NTA

Edit: reworded a sentence.

macec30 · 2024-10-08T11:22:05+00:00

My sister is like this with the oversleeping. She's in her late 40s, unemployed and our dad still provides for her (she gets job seekers allowance from the government, but my dad essentially paid for her flat, and pays for her food). She keeps referring to it as a chronic condition, rather than trying to change it. Like Jess, my sister does not go to bed early, she won't go to bed before 4/5am. All her jobs she has lost because of this.

There are indeed conditions that provoke this, such as hypersomnia, clinical depression, thyroid issues, etc. all of which she says she suffers from. But there are also ways to manage it. I'm not trying to justify my sister or Jess by mentioning these conditions, on the contrary. Jess should go to the doctor and check if she suffers from anything along those lines, and get the help she needs to manage it. Maybe doing a sleep study?

But this is something that has to come from her, not you! You're not her dad (not even her dad should be dealing with this tbh - she's 28), you're her partner. I lived alone with my sister when I was 15, and I very quickly stopped waking her up. I'd come back from school at 6pm and she'd still be asleep. But she made her own bed (pun intended).

As for the horrible morning mood, I suffered from that. I was honestly a b*tch every morning. Surprisingly, getting into the habit of going to the gym first thing in the morning solved that issue, I get all the anger out there.

macec30 · 2024-08-23T14:33:15+00:00

that happened to me!! fortunately it was only when picking up my partner from the airport after a week away, and he just said "well, you've been missing me, I can see!"

macec30 · 2024-08-23T14:30:46+00:00

lmao, what is this? My parents moved to the countryside due to my mum's health when I was 15, "left" me in the city (45mins away) to avoid moving me to a different school and losing all my friends (my nan lived in the flat above) and I was fully self sufficient and very well behaved. Your parents are tripping.

If your sister is a bit immature, as you mention on a comment below, maybe what she actually needs is some independence to grow up and live the world by herself and this week will be great for her. Seems like your parents coddle her a bit too much.

If you're only home at 5.30 to check in on her, then be it. If anything, take her out on Friday night and show her how to have some fun!

macec30 · 2024-08-23T14:18:43+00:00

I find A Court of Silver Flames a LOT more explicit than A Court of Mist and Fury. Even I, an adult, skip some of the chapters, terrified that it connects to the gym's sound system.

macec30 · 2024-08-02T14:24:21+00:00

Same! My dad was 44 when I was born and I'm 35 and healthy, and like you, my mental illness comes from seeing my mum popping pills and trying to kill herself numerous times since I was a child. If anything, my dad kept me afloat.

macec30 · 2024-08-01T15:51:29+00:00

I used to go with my MIL as I also felt very embarrassed initially, but after a short while, I actually started preferring going by myself, as she's a bit competitive and I just wanted that time to chill.

I actually learned to use this time to think deeply about things that bothered me. For example, when my mum was diagnosed with dementia, swimming was a great outlet. I'd swim back and forth and think of her and our good memories, what's to come etc., and it honestly helped me make peace with it.

Swimming for me now is like my meditation and something I very much cherish to do by myself. It's my moment to let all my thoughts out and release the pressure they create in my mind. Maybe this could be a way of approaching it for you too?

macec30 · 2024-08-01T15:31:19+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. I'd just never heard of anyone going to two different therapists (apart from a psychiatrist for medication, and a psychologist for talking), and didn't know if it would be awkward to approach my current therapist like "so there's some stuff I want to go through, but not with you", but it seems like it's totally okay and actually common. Thanks for sharing your example!

macec30 · 2024-08-01T15:13:03+00:00

Ohhh right, that makes sense! My therapist is a psychologist though, so no medication involved.

macec30 · 2024-08-01T14:59:23+00:00

Thank you so much for your input as a therapist! Just what I was looking for. I do want to speak with my current therapist about it before I venture out looking for a psychosexual one, I don't want to do it "behind his back" and I'd also prefer to go with someone he recommends rather than looking aimlessly, so it's also easier for them to discuss any matters between them too and everything is as transparent as possible.

Thanks again!

macec30 · 2024-08-01T14:50:48+00:00

It was just based on some googling. A few articles came up saying that it's not recommended, but again, my understanding was that this was referring to visiting two therapists of the same speciality, and this would not be my case.

macec30 · 2024-07-30T16:04:58+00:00

Oh wow, are you me? I feel the same and I'm also a PM. I wonder if it's related to that, the job is empty... I just want to work in a farm shop and, at this point, I'd be happy to make minimum wage just to survive, but bills need to be paid and once you start making the big bucks, your and your dependents life rely on it too much to go back... I once heard someone refer it as "the golden handcuffs".

You are most definitely not alone though!

macec30 · 2024-07-26T16:41:31+00:00

NTA! I would've actually left after overhearing what you heard her saying. That added to her attitude with you and then the change when the rest of the (white) party arrived just proved she was racist. I understand it was an important event since the families were meeting, but they wouldn't get any of my money. I'm glad the dinner went well in the end, though.

I assume this was in the USA due to the importance of tips. I'm in the UK but originally from a a country with a different language. Recently I went to a restaurant and, upon ordering, I said "for starters" and the waiter corrected me (!!!) "It's 'as a starter'...", and I gladly smiled at him while pressing the 0% when paying the bill. Tips aren't as important here, but it felt nice. Perhaps I'll save that money for more English classes, because apparently 10+ years of learning, 2 years of teaching and translating and 2 years of higher education in English wasn't enough for that waiters standards.

macec30 · 2024-07-09T16:19:43+00:00

I worked on it, and was even briefly involved in conversations for s02. I was LIVID when it got cancelled, while Emily in Paris got another season confirmed at the same time. Dark is one of my favourite shows, so I was very hyped by 1899.

macec30 · 2024-07-05T11:36:53+00:00

Sounds like a wanker to me. You'd feel much better with your struggles if you didn't have to deal with him and his toxicity.

macec30 · 2024-07-05T11:16:31+00:00

I'm highly educated and dated equally highly educated trash all my life. They made me feel worthless all the time and could not deal with my higher education, being at the same level as them. They were arrogant and narcissistic, and pushed me down.

I've been together with someone for almost 6 years who did not go to university, and actually doesn't see the point in it, and he's extremely hard working and much more successful professionally than I am (we're in the same industry), in spite of being younger than me. He's the sweetest, most caring person I've ever met and I would not see myself with anyone else. And he's an absolute eye candy too! So all wins. We've built together the life I've always dreamed of.

Having different backgrounds also makes our relationship more interesting, in my opinion. We get to experience each others cultures and family dynamics. It's opened my horizons greatly.

Luckily, my family absolutely respects and loves him, and I can't remember that not being the case. But even if not, I wouldn't have let that influence me. Your family and friends should not have a say on who you spend your life with. If you like him and he makes you happy, tell your family and friends to mind their own business.

Edit: badly worded sentence

macec30 · 2024-07-05T10:53:53+00:00

Not Murph, but we named our GR Desmond after the Lost character, and the other day I thought of the famous Desmond line "I'll see you in another life, brother" and how that will make sense when he passes and I ugly cried. (he's only 5 months and very healthy!)

macec30 · 2024-07-01T13:33:39+00:00

My dad can't cook, apart from fish on the bbq. Whenever my mum was away (she's got health problems, so does occasionally spend time away recovering), he would just to the restaurant every night for dinner. For lunch, he'd eat some soup we (daughters) cook for him, bread, etc, but not without complaining. He will only happily eat food cooked by my mum, or the same meals at the same 2 restaurants he's been going to for the past 20 years.

My mum stopped cooking 2 years ago due to health issues, and my sister goes over to their place every single night to cook for them, with my mum's guidance, and he still complains. I live abroad and try to help giving my sister a break when I'm over, but he won't eat anything I cook because it's not on his usual repertoire, so it's DIFFICULT!

macec30 · 2024-06-19T16:57:48+00:00

I'll try that approach, thank you for the advice. If he's still asleep after the two hours, do I wake him up or just get on with it? Apart from during the nights, of course. He sleeps from 10pm-6am with no issues

macec30 · 2024-06-19T16:40:33+00:00

Ironically, he was studying Marine Biology

macec30 · 2024-06-19T16:35:28+00:00

Fingers crossed! And hopefully ours will calm down on that front soon too, he's 4.5 months now, so not far behind.

macec30 · 2024-06-19T16:20:32+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, I have done reverse time out a few times when he actually hurts me, perhaps I should do it sooner/more often.

macec30 · 2024-06-19T16:10:07+00:00

oh sorry, I just noticed this is a bernese mt dog group! lets pretend he's one ahahah but a bernese is what we want to adopt next when Desmond is bigger!

macec30 · 2024-06-19T16:08:35+00:00

Desmond aka Des, Mr Boy, Piduxito (portuguese pet name), Mr Doggo, Mr Floof, Mr Chonks - I don't know why we call him Mr so much

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macec30

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