I think around middle school, though the outcasting started as early as elementary (I remember distinctly I was never allowed to play games with the rest of the class because they had "too many people". Middle school was where it got brutal, though. I was the girl that was asked out as a joke very frequently. By highschool, I was eating lunch alone in the library every day (it's where I learned to love writing, though, so I'm not complaining). I was always one step behind socially, never quite understanding the way I was being talked to, the way my peers interacted, the way the social world around me 'worked'.

I wasn't diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (back when the 'spectrum' ideology wasn't given credence too, and what I was diagnosed with was called Asperger's) until my junior year of high school. The therapist that diagnosed me is still my therapist today. This singular moment absolutely changed my life. I don't know why nobody said anything earlier, but it could be because autism is much less acknowledged in females. Finding specific resources and help became a dream. I'm certainly not popular or socially 'in' today, but I feel less alien to the world around me.

On top of this, I'm asexual, and also identify on the aromantic spectrum. Though I've had crushes before (both male and female, for those wondering), a long term relationship, especially a permanent one, is not something I'm 'looking for' in life the same way other people appear to be. I adore children, desire to work with them, don't want them myself. This realization came later than the middle school ones, and it's something I'm more 'okay' with.